Totes a food blogger now.

We decided that we wouldn’t diet before the wedding because we had enough planning and stress and other things to worry about.  But then Jon got brainwashed at work about Banting and LCHF and lots of cream and no carbs, all because of that Tim Noakes guy.  So he came home with the book and was all casual about it and would be all like “oh look, you can cook with cream AND butter…” knowing very well my weaknesses.  And then it would be like “hmmmm, look at this, you could totally make lemon cheese cake, guilt free! Like, all the calories won’t even count, you know”… Which, incidentally does sound amazing, except THE WHOLE OF JOBURG IS BANTING AND NOBODY HAS ANY ALMOND FLOUR IN STOCK!

No pressure.

So we’re banting, bitches.  So far we’ve invented all kinds of meals.  Last night we had cauliflower pizza.  My mom tried to call and I was all “CAN’T TALK NOW, MAKING CAULIFLOWER PIZZA, V. BUSY IN KITCHEN” and she replied with, and I quote, “what? Ewww, that sounds disgusting!”.

It wasn’t.

Here’s how to do it:

  1. Grate a whole head of fresh cauliflower, you need about 2 cups of the stuff
  2. Steam that up over the stove for about 8-10 minutes, with a pinch of salt
  3. Grate a cup of mozzarella, half a fistful of parmiagano, and a bunch of cheddar cheese while the cauli is steaming
  4. Once steamed, let the cauli cool down – Jon tossed it into a sieve and stirred it around outside on the balcony with me while I smoked in the middle of Joburg winter.  That cauli cooled quickly, let me tell you
  5. Toss into a bowl the cooled cauli, the cup of mozzarella, the parmiagano and grinded salt and pepper, mix it all up
  6. Crack in 1 egg per however many pizzas you’re making, stir well
  7. Onto baking tray, spoon your cauli mix and then flatten into a smooth base, make sure there’re no gaps, and that it’s not too thick
  8. Bake for 10 – 15 minutes on 180C
  9. While base is baking, chop up whichever toppings you want.  We had a variety:
    1. Cheddar cheese
    3. Mushrooms
    4. Onion
    5. Bacon (for me only)
    6. Chicken (for Jon)
    7. Peppers
    8. Pesto & olive tappenade
  10. Once out of the oven, make sure your base is browning and looking crunchy enough.  Mine was awesome, Jon’s could’ve cooked for longer
  11. Brush some tomato paste on the base, very lightly, sprinkle some oregano & pop on your toppings
  12. Back into the oven for another 10 minutes or so

Here are some photos where I prove our expert skillz in our kitchen:



And also a random snack platter I slapped together over the weekend.  We inhaled it in less than 2.5 seconds:


It consists of:

  1. Blocks of cheddar
  2. Smoked mussels
  3. Deviled eggs
  4. Fresh avo with salt & pepper


Thanks to Bailey for her pizza post which inspired mine.


  1. Chan. says:

    *cough* that’s similar to the advice I emailed you a while ago 😉 shoulda listened then hah hah. Except………I don’t believe in cutting out all carbs, what the fuck no, I love roast potatoes, sweet potato mash, etc, your body NEEDS carbs, it really does, just no white sugar and flour etc, but eat good carbs like brown rice. If you cut out all carbs it can affect your period….like you don’t get one. I eat carbs with meat, but for weight loss just don’t combine the two together in a meal, that’s when you gain weight from carbs, carbs without meat is okay, it’s food combinations. (as I mentioned in my email)

    My family has always eaten alot of cream and cheese, so I’ve known since I was a kid it doesn’t make you fat, seems to have taken the majority of people a while to catch on.

    I did a candida diet earler this year, so I was making cauliflower mash and was going to try cauliflower pizza base but didn’t get round to it. I lost 1kg on that diet eish, and for me then I look crap coz I was 49kg to start, now im 50kg and happy, it was a struggle to gain the 1kg and stick to my plan. But if you really want to lose weight and cellulite, eat an alkaline diet, the hardest freaking diet ever to stick to, I managed 2 weeks because I did it for a skin disease so I was really motivated lol. It’s by far the healthiest diet you can ever do. In general we should eat at least 70% alkaline foods.

    Word of warning, too much meat and the wrong fat isn’t great healthwise, it makes your body more acidic, an acidic environment leads to cancer etc.

Comments are closed.