I’ve read about colic babies with horror. I’ve seen colic babies in action and it’s made me one of those smug moms that cringe and think “thank goodness Aiden’s not like that”. In fact, we have a friend with the most beautiful baby, who does not sleep. We’ve marveled at this friend and her coping mechanisms because Aiden went through a phase of about 3 days of not sleeping longer than 90 minutes and we nearly lost our damn minds. So we’ve been really lucky like that.
Until Aiden got reflux, and while he might not be a screamer, he is most definitely a vomiter. Between Jon and I, we’ve had vomit in almost every crevice of our bodies over the last few weeks. And Aiden has managed to vomit into his own nose, eyeballs, hair and ears – there must be some kind of talent reward for vomiting into your own eyeballs, surely.
And because this happens after every feed, it eventually got to a stage that Aiden would only drink 30ml at a time, cotch it out and then cry from hunger 45 minutes later which is especially fun at 2, 3 and 4am in the morning.
Such is his vomiting that at a restaurant table the other day the waiter watched in horror, eyes wider than saucers, as a little mini milk fountain came up and out of the baby’s nose and mouth and landed right back down into his eyes. In between asking for the salt shaker, I casually wiped Aiden off, reached into his bag for another outfit and cleaned him up. My lunch friend was very quiet the whole time and eventually, when the waiter kept returning to make sure the baby was still alive, asked “is that normal? Should he be vomiting like that? Maybe you should check it out”. It might not be “normal” by normal standards, but it has become pretty normal by Aiden’s. But, point taken, we decided to have it checked out. Although not before being bombarded by many very well meaning know-it-alls, most of who feel the need to rule out the cause of all this vomiting single handedly, usually by listing the following helpful suggestions:
- Have you tried Telament drops? YES IT MAKES HIS COTCH TASTE LIKE TELAMENT (and unfortunately I do know what his cotch tastes like since he’s vomited into my open mouth, thrice)
- But do you give him drops to help him expel gas? IN EVERY SINGLE BOTTLE AND IT MAKES HIS FARTS SMELL LIKE TELAMENT
- Have you tried burping him on your shoulder? YES IT GAVE HIM A NEW ANGLE TO COTCH ONTO THE BACK OF MY BACK
- Have you given him less food in every sitting? YES IT JUST MEANS HE GETS TO THROW UP AGAIN 45 MINS LATER AT THE NEXT SITTING
- Have you held him up right for twenty minutes after a feed? YES IT ALLOWS HIM TO PROJECTILE FROM AN UPRIGHT ANGLE FOR TWENTY MINUTES
- Maybe he’s allergic to your breastmilk? HE COTCHES WITH FORMULA TOO
- Maybe he’s allergic to formula? I’LL FEED HIM WHISKY THEN
But on the bright side, we did switch his formula to Nan AR which is more starchy and thicker, and it seems to have improved, if not solved, things. We’ve also been forced to medicate him with medicinal sachets which is made up of MORE THAN TWO THIRDS SUGAR but somehow stops the vomiting. After 3 days of the new formula, we eventually gave in and gave him the meds too for the first time this morning. So far no projectile.
Anyway, my point is. Well, I have no idea – I’m sleep deprived. And Jon has been driven to drink, often. But obviously we’re still super in love with our baby – he’s adorable. Coocheecoocheecoo.