At around 7 am this morning I rolled over with my arms stretched wide and blinked my eyes gently, willing the day to ease itself into my body, fragile person that I am in the early day. I’m not the biggest morning person, ever, so my favourite kind of being woken up is when Jon kisses me all over my face and crawls into bed with me on my side for a cuddle, usually accompanied by a cup of steaming coffee which is handed over to me as soon as I’m human enough to sit up. Yes, I know, I have the world’s best husband, I don’t say it often enough, but I’m shamelessly saying it today. For more reasons than just the excellent cup of coffee maker he is.
You see, this morning I overslept slightly which meant that Jon was long gone by 7am, and there was no coffee to be smelled or seen. I couldn’t remember him even kissing me goodbye in silence like he does on gym days when he sneaks out before the sun is up, so as not to wake me (I think he’s terrified of Morning Sheena, I don’t blame him, she’s horrid). Having not felt his presence that morning, I reached over to grab my phone and opened Whatsapp expecting loving “good morning, wife” messages and instead got an image of this:
Captioned by “Look what you slept through this morning”.
I sat up so straight and quickly Pixel the cat got a fright and jumped off the bed.
HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!!!!!!!
Jon then went into detail of how the capture went down. As I read the blow by blow report, I looked around the room to find that the picnic mats usually stored behind our bedside table were strewn all over the bedroom. The continental pillows were in the doorway of the bathroom. The curtains were skew and Jon’s bedside rubbish bin was all the way in the passage near the closets. Our room looked like WW3 had finally arrived.
I looked at the picture again, and felt sad for my (very expensive!) Tupperware which will now need to be doused in petrol and lit on fire until the plastic turns to fumes, never to be used again.
Flipping Parktown Prawns. Thank g-d for my husband who heroically slays demon things while I slumber. He really is the best.