Today I am a grumpasaurus deluxe. Everything that could go inconveniently wrong has gone that way.
Our new house is in a legal dispute because the old owners suddenly don’t want us to move in on occupation as per the agreement, they want to stay until June. We must move out of our current home at month end because the new owners of our place have already given notice on theirs and don’t have anywhere else to go on 1 April.
My iPhone packed up and refused to charge. It’s been coming for a while, but it just sort of fizzed last weekend and stayed dead. Jon had had enough of me bitching about the bloody phone so he stood over my shoulder while I ordered a new phone online. Long story short: phone arrived with a speaker issue, was collected for inspection the next day and it’s been a week since and now FNB are telling me the bloody phone was bent and it’s my fault. I have been fighting them all week, and finally this afternoon I was promised a replacement. Now I wait to see when it’ll arrive. In the meantime, I spent the weekend at home without a cellphone while Jon went away. I had to DM him on Twitter and rely on Eskom not loadshedding so that the landline would work. If my mom hadn’t been here with me for the weekend I’m not actually sure what I would’ve done.
One of the diamonds fell out of my engagement ring too, can you believe it. Almost a year to the day, I’ve been running around like a banshee the whole time, but no. I go on bed rest and a diamond decides to fall out. Of course it’s nowhere to be found. So Jon’s had to take it back to investigate how it fell out and, obviously, have it replaced.
I’m so over being unable to look after myself. If I want breakfast, I have to ask someone. If I want something from another room, I need to call on someone. If I need bloody bubble bath, I have to rely on someone to choose a nice one at the shops for me. I can’t reach my fucking toes and my back aches all the time from being on bed rest. I haven’t been able to paint my nails in so many weeks my nails aren’t even stained anymore. For someone into nailpolishing, they’d know this was unheard of. My eyebrows are so bushy I look like Madonna circa 1996. WHY ARE THERE NOT ANY GOOD MOBILE BEAUTICIANS ANYMORE?!
As I type this, the tears are flowing. I’m just so fucking frustrated. I’m so used to being independent and responsible for myself. I absolutely hate feeling this vulnerable and helpless. And lonely. I’m so lonely. Even when Jon is home, I can’t expect him to just lie here in bed with me – so I send him upstairs to game or out, to see friends. I’m stubborn in my determination to not make this both of our problems. But he’s stubborn too, and won’t leave me alone unnecessarily, so is determined to support me as much as possible. Which then means we’re both sitting here frustrated as all hell. And I miss seeing friends. I miss entertaining. I miss going out, shopping, driving, choosing my own fucking bubblebath, for goodness sake.
I’m just so grateful that pregnancy takes away other uncomfortable female needs, because as a wife who has yet to pee in front of her husband, I’m grateful that same husband doesn’t have to buy tampons and contraceptives too on top of everything else he’s already doing.
Why couldn’t this have just been, if not easy, normal. I’m starting to think that I’m incapable of making a human in the normal sense – something always has to go wrong. And I’m not complaining, I’d do this for a year if I needed to – today is just a bad, whiny day. So indulge me this one post please, because I promise I know that things could be very, very much worse.