Things I have learned…

… in my lifetime (all 22 and three and a quarters years of it) I have learned a few things, I thought I would share them with you:

* To make someone feel loved, all you need to do is let them know you care. Physically, emotionally, emailingly. Just let them know as best as you can.

* tampax – the greatest invention ever. sorry boys, but they really are handy compared to tampons. gimme a shout if you dont know the difference.

* You know when you wrap bows around presents, and you always need a third hand to put a finger in the middle of the ribbon while you knot it? if you twist the ribbon the opposite way, you wont need an extra helper!

* When baking pies, coat the pastry with milk if an egg yolk is not available, does the same golden brown trick. don’t know why, but it does.

* Married men do not always want to get into your pants when you talk to them. Some guys can just hold a platonic, decent conversation.

* Leaving your pet tortoise outside in the pond might get it stolen by the gardner and probably eaten. don’t do it.

* when you find a pair of jeans that you like, they can grow up with you. My best ones have gone thru pregnancy, breastfeeding and weight loss and gain. love em!

* Dont ever lie to your librarian, she will find out! In fact don’t ever lie. Unless I’m asking you something and you know the truth will piss me off.

* When you have run out of toilet paper, and all you have is serviettes with printing on the one side, turn it out. Ink can cause genital infection. This I don’t know from experience, promise. Someone told me long ago (there’s a calm befoooore the storm, I know… its been gone for some time… sorry, that song always pops up in places of my mind when I say that sentence) that infection down there happens and I’ve never forgotten it. Turn serviettes over, I say!

* Don’t ever do drugs. They can mess up your mind.

* Love your mother. You never know when you might need her, long after you declare yourself independant.

* if you go to a Spur steak ranch, do not even think about eating the white sauce (WHITE SAUCE, LIAM, NOT PINK, WHITE!) they keep on their tables next to the bbq sauce. I have personally witnessed many a pissed off waiter spit in them.

* When you are going on a long journey, do not leave your petrol cap key at home. I once drove for ages, stopped to gas up and realised that I had left the keys at home, thinking they were for my non existant gear lock. This was when I got my car, don’t laugh. how was I to know?

* Bribing police men is never a good idea. especially when they know your policeman brother.