The Guiltmobile

I’m a bit of a basket case today.  I’m filled with excitement, which is overridden with guilt.  I’ve been talking about buying a new car for months.  MONTHS.  I’ve said for years that once I get to an XYZ salary in my career I would spoil myself with my dream car.  An Audi A3 Sportback 1.8T.  It’s a car that says I’ve arrived at a happy place in terms of affordability   It’s a car that is beyond my wildest dreams, one that I never *really* thought I’d have.  Something I didn’t ever think I’d deserve.

Yet, despite my head screaming at me to stay at home I walked into the dealership yesterday.  I test drove it, that magnificent beast of a vehicle, and on top of the “it’s only going to be a test drive”, I applied for the financing.  And then promptly walked away doubting anything would come from it.  It was a 20 minute joy ride that I thoroughly enjoyed, and more importantly, was convinced would not be a done deal.  Not yet.  Maybe in another year.  Maybe when I’m a little older.  This application is just to see what they’ll say, nothing more.

And then I got the phone call saying everything was approved.  I grinned at Jon like a six year old just been offered a truck full of candy.  I grinned to myself because it felt like I had finally been validated.  Like I have finally arrived, you know?  People should take me seriously now.  People had to take me seriously now.

And then 30 minutes later, I was overcome with doubt.

  • It’s too flashy, pretentious, grown up
  • It’s never going to feel like I deserve it
  • This whole thing is just irresponsible and ridiculous
  • Think about it some more
  • The colour isn’t what I necessarily wanted
  • Do I really  have to have this car, right now?
  • But I’m buying a house this year – isn’t this too much financial commitment?
  • I don’t deserve it
  • But I can afford it!
  • What will my friends back home say?  They’ll call me a yuppie, for sure
  • Look how gorgeous it is!  And safe!
  • Even Christian Gray bought his ‘doms’ each an Audi A3.  And he’s the most crazy character dude on safety ever created, I’m actually being quite responsible if you look at it that way
  • People on the South Coast don’t drive cars like this
  • When did you become this materialistic person?  It’s just a car!

And today, 24 hours later, I want to vomit.  And smile through the entire process.

Because, as much as the above thoughts are all still warring with each other in my head, I’m going to ignore them all and go ahead with it and take delivery of the car today.

Because, just bloody look at it, would you:

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16 comments

  1. Vibeke says:

    You work hard. You’ve come a long way. You deserve it.
    (That picture is crap, though. Can we please get a decent one? Where you can, like, actually, SEE the car?? :P)
    CONGRATS. Stop guilting and ENJOY!!!!

  2. bevmerriman says:

    What are you on about! Since you did bring up 50 Shades… the A3 isn’t really that much of a Yuppie car (although you might have to up your game in terms of being submissive :-P) You should think like Ana… one day when you are big you can drive the Audi R8 Spyder – I recon you might well be a book launch away from that 🙂

  3. Shebee says:

    Guiltmobile? What Guiltmobile? This thing is AMAZING AND I LOVE IT MORE THAN ANYTHING.

    [Totes got over the guilt the minute the keys were handed over to me yesterday. Spent all day driving around Haarties using any excuse to go driving. You need milk? Don’t worry – I’ll go to the shops!]

    Screw guilt! YOLO*!

    *Yes, yes I really did just say that.

  4. Flarkus says:

    I say start putting savings aside in the “Traffic Tickets Fund” right now. Gratz on the speedster!

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