On bacteria in my kidney…

So Cath and I joke often about her passing on her dodgy kidney to me.  Well, to me it’s no joke okay?  Having experienced no less than 4 (FUCKING FOUR!) kidney infections since March this year, I finally dec– I’m lying.  Jon got pissed off enough with me to actually do something about it.  So I distracted him long enough this weekend (I don’t think it worked, every time I winced, gasped or sighed I could hear the Jew’s eyeballs rolling in his head.  NO SYMPATHY to be had for his stubborn girlfriend who refused to see a doctor) to last until this morning.

Conrad, we’ll call him Connie, the doc I see when things usually get very bad, basically called me a dumbass for waiting this long to see him again.  When he gently caressed my swollen abdomen and I managed to not kick him in the groin in reaction, he threw his hands up, looked at me over his glasses and told me that if I don’t actually start taking this seriously, I may as well kiss my kidneys goodbye and book a reservation with the big dude in the sky.

Really?  I had no idea kidneys were so important!  Okay, so I did, but I’ve adopted (and perfected!) the mentality that if I ignore something for long enough it usually goes away.  Except Kennith, my dodgy kidney.  He keeps coming back, progressively worse each time.  This round, he’s got some baterial friends who’ve taken up residence and are pulling the squatters right in my right kidney.  Fuckers.

Anyway, so Connie pulled a few strings and has got me in for an appointment with a urologist this Friday (this in itself is apparently amazing, as he warned me that usually it’s a 6month waiting list.  WTF?!  People actually wait that long? What wussies!) to do a bit of a scanning of my insides and most probably book me in for a lazer operation thinger.

So ja.  My worst nightmare is coming true – I kinda avoid hospitals and funeral parlours as much as possible but I suppose that in this case I’d rather opt for the former rather than the latter.

In the mean time, some of my blood and urine has been sent away for testing, and I’ll find out tomorrow if I’m a radio active spiderpig with a super kidney full of death and gloom.

I’ll keep you guys informed as soon as I find out anything new.

Yours in kidney bacterial infections,

SheBee

x

17 comments

  1. sass says:

    jeez dude, i told you not to mess around! hope it all gets sorted pronto. keeping fingers crossed the only thing radio-active is your brain. hugs.

  2. cath Jenkin says:

    Dear Sheena,

    Now you know why I was never joking. It is that bad. Dude, you’ve had my kidney this year, all the way through. Thank you for it.

    I’ll bet you anything that E-Coli in your kidney, and take all the drugs you are offered. Sleep. Drink cranberry juice like crazy and, again, I’m really, really sorry.

    X

  3. cath Jenkin says:

    p.s. the worst part is the scan where they put a thingum up your hoohoo.

    Considering I am the professional on this one, why don’t you just let them do it to me?
    I’ll consider it payback.

    p.s. left or right kidney?

  4. cath Jenkin says:

    GET OUT OF WORK RIGHT NOW. RIGHT NOW. WHY THE HELL HAVE YOU NOT BEEN BOOKED OFF?

    SHEENA, YOU USED TO SHIT ON ME FOR WORKING WHEN I WAS ILL LIKE THIS, AND NOW I AM DOING IT TO YOU.

    GO. HOME. RIGHT. NOW.

  5. cath Jenkin says:

    GO HOME AND GO TO SLEEP. DO NOT MAKE ME SHOUT AT YOU IN CAPS. AGAIN. X

    (p.s. yes, fellow blog-readers, this is how we communicate. imagine how it was when we lived together, yo)

  6. Tyron says:

    Hello. I recommend following Cath’s orders on this one. I have no kidneys myself, and I would hate for you to be a fellow renal patient.
    Get better!

  7. Angel says:

    Oy Shebeeliciousness… trust me, you don’t want to have to resort to dialysis or the shitty diet that you have to have if your kidneys don’t work!
    I hope they can fix you up proper, and fast.

  8. Byron Rode says:

    Go Home. NOW! Rest. Take whatever medicines you have been given and drink plenty water. Kidney’s are not a joke.

    Now that I have been stern. Feel better Miss G. x

  9. LaBetenoir says:

    Dude. Even I know not to trifle with the kidneys… Go home, get plenty of rest and cranberry juice, and whimper like a buttload. Make the boy take care of you. Fo realz.

  10. totallycooked says:

    if you keep arseing around and not taking things seriously Angel’s dad will give you dialysis tips for sure … go home dude

  11. MeeA says:

    Eish, Chick! I don’t even *know* you and I’m about to get all bossy on yo’ ass!

    I seriously hope you’ve taken all these people’s advice and taken yourself some time off and been done pumped yerself full of meds. (Said in stern voice)

    Get well soon!

  12. Julia says:

    I really hope you are taking it easy. You can’t exactly buy a new kidney at the Pick ‘n Pay, you know….
    Best you preserve the ones you have.
    x

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