Millicent The Grape

So, I had this conversation last night with a mate, who shall not be named due to me being threatened with eviction*, that left me speechless and in fear of my future pregnancies.

 

You see, when a woman falls pregnant one of the possible symptoms is developing piles, otherwise termed Hemorrhoids.  After much nagging and whining for further elaboration of same such disgusting disease, a glazed look from me in response to her that persons explanation, we resorted to drawing diagrams, as we do in our home** on frequent occasions.

 

A pen and paper was whipped out and the diagrams began.  First drawn was a puckered anus, as they can be found, followed by a grape looking scribble in between the wrinkles.  Of course by this stage I had already whipped out my camera and snapped this hysterical moment to be captured for life times to come. 

 

I’m curious to see what its like, not ever having experienced this myself.  It’s all very interesting and entertaining.  In experiencing this first hand, my friend has even named the grape ‘Millicent’.  “Dude, please can I see up your naught?” I ask her this person.  “Not, hey” was the answer. 

 

Anyway, the moral of the story is that if you ever find yourself suffering from an unwelcome anal visitor named Millicent, you should never have sex.  Because, damn, the dude getting lucky with you will run ten thousand miles, I would imagine.

 

 

* Did you get that?  It was a hint.  Eviction = residential rights with her this person. One guess who threatened me to not name her that person.

 

** That was another hint [Dummy].

 

33 comments

  1. kyknoord says:

    Is it just me, or is this a case of over-share? Please promise that this isn’t going to become the first in a series: “Ja, so I was having this conversation with a mate about urinary tract infections…”

  2. shebee says:

    Kyk, if this is the first overshare you’ve read of mine, you aren’t here regularily enough…

  3. SwissTwist says:

    hahahahhahaa….

    I’m almost too scared to ask but, will you be posting that photo??

    oh.. and er… future pregnancies? something we should know???????

  4. shebee says:

    Paul – Coming from you, I am not in the least surprised.

    Ches – LOL, imagine how I laughed last night! Real tears came down my cheeks.

  5. justBcoz says:

    I’m with Ches on this one – Millicent the Grape BWAHAHA!!

    Now, Bee … will you PLEASE spill the beans on your “big news”. I am seriously dying here!!

    Jeesh, not even Apple can create this much hype!

  6. shebee says:

    Charmy – hehehe ja, i think i was lucky in not getting these. I’ve since had an email from my two best friends both confessing to experiencing Millicents.

  7. shebee says:

    Chesie, do you realise that your blog link is wrong? the s and p are switched in blogspot and i get taken to a christian spammy site – is this by accident or something more sinister?

  8. Ches says:

    What the hell! OMG…ha! The buggars!

    Ha ha, thought you all needed a bit of salvation!

    Spelt spot psot! And I call myself a writer…ha ha, sorry! 🙂

  9. MsBehavn says:

    Hysterical, Shee! I can’t believe that someone would get so attached to their ummm “grape” that they’d give it a name!

    And if they absolutely have to, why “Millicent”? First they named tornadoes after women and now haemorrhoids too? I’m finished!!!!

  10. 6000 says:

    Surely piles – even female piles – should have male names. It’s a blokey kinda disorder, ne?

    Steve the grape.

    No… RICHARD the grape! 🙂

  11. shebee says:

    Fat Bastard – oh you make me laugh!

    MsB – Hehehe, speak to Cath.

    Vendetta – hi & welcome! have added you on the thingamajig you requested.

    6k – hahahahahahahahahaha!! I shall not comment.

  12. cathjenkin says:

    @MsBehavn

    WAHA. I name EVERYTHING.

    @Vendetta

    No way. ever, not ever.

    @6K

    there are some good dicks out there, you know..
    🙂

  13. amandzing says:

    its a poem on a cretin thats blighting my life, and your post of a puckered anus is exactly the picture i have in mind when i look at him 😆

  14. angel says:

    oh my fargin christmas tree that sounds just horrible!!!?!?!
    what about if you do it in the dark and no one can see…?

  15. talita says:

    I too found this out very recently from a friend of thirteen years – it took that long for her to tell me. Horrified, I declared that I would never spawn. Luckily the only reason she did tell me is that she finally found something that worked and wanted to spread the good news. So if ya wanna know…

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