I was interviewed again. In my personal capacity this time.

Po interviewed me last week.  I first read the questions and thought “Eish.  This is gonna be a blast from the past”  and it was.  Little did I know how much I’d enjoy it though.  Thanks Poetjie, you rock honey.

Le Interview:

So, when you and boy-child Cam are married, how will you deal with the fact that women all over the world will orgasm involuntarily at the sound of his voice?

Well, see, when he lays eyes on my boobs me, he will be so supremely overwhelmed with the fact that he has an older woman interested in him that all his friends will be high-fiving him, as these kids do in high school, and his dad will be all proud and stuff, that he will have no option but to ignore those bitches.  Also, I plan on removing his right to speak to anyone other than me unless instructed.  Hee hee.  I joke.

If you could bee anything in the world, workwise or just beingwise, what would you choose to bee?

I would definitely make something permanent out of SheBee and write full time.  Invest in something comedic too, whether it be theatrical, lyrical or teeveecal.

If you could change something about yourself, what would it be?

I wouldn’t mind a bit more of the ability to make decisions without agonizing over everything a million times, inevitably wasting others and my own time.

How do you deal with pain?

SheBee does not feel pain due to the fact of consisting mostly of scrap metal, bullshit and brains.  When, on the very rare occasion, it does become painful, I mostly mope around my bed a lot until my friends force me to shower and glug cheap rose wine with them and watch stupid chick flicks until I am able to cry with laughter once more.

Would you tell us more about what happened the day you were rushed to the hospital after an overdose?

Sure.  Well.  I landed up in hospital because I was stoned out of my mind, obviously, and dumb enough to phone my mum at 2am in the morning for “a chat”.  She knew immediately something was wrong, flew over to the club I was at and after attacking both the doorman and the bartender, found out what I was on and took me through to Emergency.  Thank goodness because had I not been so stupid, I would have gone into cardiac arrest as they found traces of rattex and poison in my blood which would have surely killed my already comatosing fragile body.  The next day I hung out in the hospital on drips telling the nurses how I was made of elastic rubber and could bounce off walls.  A few days later, however, the full impact of what I had done hit home, my mom shipped me off to my biological father in Cape Town to sort me out and I never touched drugs again.  I did however date my father’s best friend at the time.  There was a 17 year age gap between us.  Jeebus I was horrific as a teenager!

What did you want to be when you were a kid?

Famous.

What gives you strength when things are really tough?

Seriously, the only thing that gets me through the day is that the next one can’t possibly be as bad.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.  One thing that does help is that I am stubborn to high hell and back and I will never quit.  So getting through tough times isn’t an option, it’s a must.  Or I’ve failed myself.

Did you get on well with your parents? Do you now?

My dad and I were estranged from when I was about 12 until that fateful Cape Town holiday.  Apart from the odd phone call, I didn’t really hear from him.  These days we’re very close emotionally but physically we are literally worlds apart with him being in Australia.

My mom and I have had a torrent relationship always.  We both love and hate fiercely.  She is, and always will be, my worst best friend.  So yes, we’re very close, sometimes too close, but I’ve always had the cool mom that all my friends loved and wanted, so I’m very grateful for that.

I was very lucky with my parents getting divorced, both of them chose fantastic remarriages.  I love my step parents just as much as my biological ones.  For different reasons.  Trace and Kev are a part of my family tree as much as my six siblings.  I adore my family.

What is your favourite food in all the world?

Italian food.  Hands down.  Pizza and pasta are the only things I can cook without failure, and if I go out its usually the first thing on the menu I look at.  My body hates me for it, but it makes me happy and that’s what counts, right?

Do you think of yourself as a strong person?

You can’t get to where I am at now without being some degree of “strong”.  I’ve lived to tell the tale of my daughter dying at seven months five years ago, a somewhat abusive childhood, my boyfriend dying, two job retrenchments, cancer scares, a lot of disappointment and about 8 house moves in the last year or two.  The only thing left on my “top stressful situations” plate to go through this life time is divorce.  So here’s hoping he’s a rich mofo and I get an awesome alimony.

Would you like to live in another country one day?

Honestly?  No.  I want to visit lots of places, sure, tour the world and all that.  But South Africa is where my heart’s at, I don’t see that changing any time soon.

3 comments

  1. po says:

    Brave lady for answering all of them! I definitely thought you would leave out some of the more probing ones 🙂

    I like your way to cope with things being tough, tomorrow is another day. I tell myself this too. It helps, even if the next day is a bugger too.

  2. Laura says:

    Gosh this is a story and a half 😉

    You do indeed appear to be exceptionally strong!! To survive that heartache and turmoil and come out shining – Cameron needs to realise the honour in marrying you!

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