Diabetic. Obese. Trying to do something about it.

A couple of issues I’ve had recently have left me really wanting write down my feelings and experience and get some feedback on it.  But I’ve also wished I could do it anonymously because blogging is really not as much fun for me as it used to be, because I’m far too bloody concerned about what people think.  I hate that I’ve become that blogger.  I hate that I’m too scared to write about what is really on my mind a lot of the time.  And the fact that Jon, of all people, is encouraging me to be more me  on my blog, he of all self-privacy and exclusivity!  It made me think that somewhere along the line, I’ve forgotten how to be myself on my blog.

Anyway, in the spirit of trying to combat that, I’m going to tell you guys something very personal and shameful and slightly morbid. I’ve been diagnosed as diabetic, or pre-diabetic depending on who you talk to.  My GP says it’s pre because SA is far behind the US in terms of health standards, and my dietician says that if you’re on meds (which I am) it is diabetes.  So there’s that little bundle of joyful news.

In the meantime, I’m oscillating by losing, gaining, losing, gaining 7kg.  Only a small part of about 30kg that I need to lose in total.  HOW DID I GET HERE?  HOW DID I LET IT GET THIS BAD?  I swear to you I have the exact opposite of anorexia.  I look in the mirror and see a waistline, I see a small frame, I see eyelashes and full lips and freckles.  Of course, I’m not totally oblivious to my fatroll bakery, it’s there.  But it’s not what I focus on, you know?  And that’s how I got here, I suppose.  One kilogram at a time.

It also doesn’t help that one of the benefits of my career is that it’s literally part of my job to host people at 5 star restaurants and hotels, all of which serve the most unbelievably amazing food.  As happy as I am at work, happiness is making me fat(ter).

On the bright side, I’m still 10kg less than I was when we got back from our cruise to Madagascar.  But not ‘less’ enough.

So, ya.  I’m having a fat day and I thought I’d tell you all about it.

Now tell me you still love me even though I’m a fatty and that I’m still a good human bean.  Because I need it.

22 comments

  1. Angel says:

    You have ALL my sympathy and empathy darling Shebeeliciousness!
    You know I am fighting my own battle in a near-desperate attempt to avoid a full diabetes diagnosis of my own…

  2. TTT says:

    Love you like the most and obviously will live you a bit less when you are all dead skinny and sexy – but in a really good way I’ll be the one muttering “skinny biatch” under my breath as I greet you.

    And when you blog as yourself you are never more beautiful, interesting or funny. Jon is right – do You more.

  3. Melanie Chisnall says:

    I think it’s awesome that you’re being completely you over here. But I know how hard it can be too. You are a beautiful soul inside and out, so I say keep doing these updates on here – as hard as they might be, because it (1) gets you the support you need during those though times (2) makes you more relatable/”real” (3) gives you a method of being accountable for your progress. I’m trying to do something like this on my blog too. You will get there, you’re doing great so far – 10kg is no small feat, AND between all the work/stress/5 star restaurants/clients! xx

  4. Miss_k says:

    You’re beautiful, awesome, fabulous, and got plenty of street cred to get you into any hood 🙂 and love you to bits.

  5. Flea says:

    Darling, I hear you. Well done for speaking up. I’m also on a journey, and being in love with food as I am, it ain’t easy. Strongs and hugs.

  6. Dave says:

    I love you more than I can put into words…

    To me, you’ve always been full of life and full may not necessarily be a shape, but it’s okay in my books!

    I’m here to support you through anything, no matter what may come…

    x

  7. Shells says:

    I have those days all too often. And now you’ve thrown the whole 5 star thing at me too. Dammit! I think we should talk about being accountability buddies or something.

  8. Mia says:

    Yay, you need to be yourself on this blog. Your voyeuristic readers are sitting, waiting to read about your food and your fears and even your fatloss. So don’t leave us hanging. Was that enough guilt?

  9. Jeannie says:

    You are and always will be absolutely amazingly beautiful. I will always love you no matter what you look like. You are incredibly brave sharing this and incredibly admired. Opening your heart up like this only shows how brave and beautiful you are 🙂 Walking this road right next to you my darling friend.
    <3 <3 <3
    Much Love
    xxxx

  10. Jeanette says:

    Well I think it’s fab that you’ve managed to keep those 10kg off with all that food temptation at work!
    We’re all right there with you on this journey and will help if we can.

  11. Heidi says:

    But, but…. what will happen to the BOOOOOBS?!?!

    Love you slutbag, and I understand how you feel today. Let’s kill all the skinny bitches.

    x

  12. Momma says:

    Um yes, you are carrying extra weight but has that stopped you being you? Never! You are bright, creative, clever, caring, exciting, funny, beautiful, tiny feet and hands… so think of that you skinny bitches with size 8 shoes and amazon hands who have given curvy girls complexes. We will really just have a lot less to cuddle if you get thinner but really you will still be that wonderful woman with a smaller dress size it does not matter to us. Do it for yourself, no-one else.

  13. Chan. says:

    Well I didn’t read anything there that I think you should have been worried about writing, lol seriously there is nothing you said that anyone would “judge” you or think differently about you, so don’t be scared, you’re so popular because people love you and how real you’ve always been. I miss your regular updates of daily life :/

    Diabetes is baddddddd, but if you’re pre-diabetic and not on insulin, you can reverse it just by choosing the right diet, so that’s good news and nothing like a health issues to make you really do something! I’ve been having health issues for the past 3 months and it’s been awful, I’ve been bed ridden some days and just been shit, so now I have quit smoking for the last time, I can not go through this again and theres a compound in cigarettes that triggers my infection. Anyways, so now is a golden opportunity for you for a new, healthier life 🙂

  14. BiancaW says:

    I know it doesn’t HELP you very much, but I just wanted you to know that you are no alone. I have been trying to shift somewhere between 15 and 25 kilos for the last TWENTY years! How bad do I feel for doing the same thing over and over and never getting anywhere.

    I am so in awe of people who lose weight. I am at the point where I feel like I will never shed these kilo’s and it makes me want to cry!!

    XXX

  15. Tam says:

    Hi Shebee. I have worked my way through compulsive eating disorder. I relate to a lot of what you say. I joined Sleek Geek (http://www.sleekgeek.co.za/) and they have a FB page and community and I find it remarkably helpful. It’s never too late and you don’t have to do it alone.

  16. Ashleigh says:

    You are your little sisters idol… Never forget that! If i could be or accomplish even half of what you have – id be the luckiest person in the world!! Love you my sis…

  17. Cheryl says:

    We all have those moments. And the more intense the moment gets, the harder it is to get out of it. I feel your pain, I have about 50 to lose…

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