esCape Town.

I am coming to you live, right from the glorious hotel room with a view of awesome, in the heart of beautiful Cape Town.  Now, I know that I once had the opportunity to live here but I’m so glad I don’t.  If I did I don’t think I would ever appreciate this beauty as much being a local than I do being a visitor.

I’m here on business, mind you, so it’s not all pleasure, although the business side of things could be a lot worse.  I’m here to hang out with Sharlto Copley, of District 9 fame and one of the leading actors in the soon to be released movie in SA, The A-Team.  It’s for one of our major clients and I get to handle the Social Media for the entire thing! Excitement!

Tonight though, I am about to be collected for dinner with Neal, an old friend and fellow online person @BlindCripple.  Yay, I haven’t seen him since before I met Jon.  Neal is the other Jew in my life and I do love him muchly.

Before he arrives though, I must tell you about my experience earlier today:

So there I am, arriving at the hotel which is so impressive I can’t even begin to describe it.  Seriously, high ceilings and lots of lights and loads of mirrors everywhere.  When I have time I will post pictures.  Anyway, so there I am, arriving, as you do.  The hotel staff are all friendly, as they are. And after requesting my room card, I get pointed in the direction of the elevators to take me to my room.

The lift doors close, and I press my floor number, and…

NOTHING.

The freaking elevator is FROZEN!  I try opening the doors calmly, nadda.  I look around me in mild panic for a way out and realise that I am made to be stuck in this little tin of fucking horror, and my lungs decide to kick it in and stop working.  So now I can’t breathe, I can’t see for lack of air, the elevator won’t move, the panic button isn’t fucking working and then, as soon as it all began, the elevator pings, the doors glide open and I’ve been transported to my floor.  JUST LIKE THAT.

Bloody silent ninja elevator.

And don’t even let me get started about trying to get the room lights to switch on.  Clapping loudly, searching the room by gliding hands along every corner and angle of the walls and even pronouncing the word “On!”, “Lights ON”, “Engage lights!”, “Commence lighting”, “Fuckit! Let there be light!!!!” until I located the telephone, called reception and found out that the light switch was operated by means of remote.  Which was in my hand.

Gah.

I’m no country bumpkin (anymore) but this was just ridiculous!

Anyway, I’m hungry, I’m going to log off and call to find out where the hell Neal is.

Loveyoubaaaai!

So much of happiness going on here.

I am no longer sticking my head in the sand.  I don’t feel as anxious or as worried about the immediate future.  Once again, my life has changed but I have so many things to look forward to:

• Sue is coming to Durban.
• Vince and Talita are introducing me to The Best Pizza In The World ™ soon.
• Cath is getting a new red Nigel.
• Cameron says ‘awesome’ now.
• My first god daughter has just turned 6.  Six!  Three weeks after Kiera was born, Nikki came into my life too and she is now six.  I sacrifice my fear of fish for her on Saturday, at uShaka Marine World.  But I do it gladly, for she is now six!
• I have things to write about.  The block is gone!
• My own bed is back with me and it is soooo comfy.
• I absolutely love my new bedroom.

Things that went on outside of this blog weren’t told about, but I’m happy to report that I am on the mend mentally, physically, emotionally and metaphorically.  Also literally, just for good measure.

And finally, are you read for it?  It’s a big piece of news: I am getting my ass into gear and am going on a holiday to CAPE TOWN!

For those of you who don’t know, I left Cape Town in a bit of a hurry earlier this year. A flight was booked in the middle of the night.  I said to myself that I wouldn’t hurry back.  But let’s face it, Cape Town has not only the mowwwwwntin, but a select few people that actually rock my world, and these people have convinced me to come to them, in manner of Jesus and his disciples*.  Except if anyone is going to be the messiah, it sure as shit isn’t going to be me.

I’m feeling so inspired, inspirational and insipid at the same time.  I write, write, write and write some more, and for the first time in a while, I woke up this morning with a smile on my face. An actual goofy assed, “look at me I’m happy” grin.

Fake It November ™ is going to be a brilliant month, I can feel it.  More importantly, I can hardly contain myself.  I. Can. Hardly. Contain. Myself.
* Ha ha, please don’t send me hate mail, I didn’t mean it.

I am PMSing most dangerously, look the other way!

I know that I bitch every month around this time, but Jesus!  I am a raging, hormonal bitch lately.   If a sentence like this offends you, I encourage you to read this.  I think poor old Richard needs a stand up ovation for avoiding me at every corner of his house and peacefully minding his own business while I sit glaring at my computer screen.  He’s been subjected to the following:

• His favourite bowl being smashed.  Not on purpose, promise
• Being moaned at while he channel hops while I’m trying to watch TV, even if only during commercial breaks
• Silent sulks from me, not knowing what is going on with me or why I was happy only two mins previously

An aside – how funny is this picture?  I love it.  Am going to print out a thousand copies and pluck it everywhere I go from now on.

Also, I think I have decided to stay in Cape Town indefinitely.  Anyone want to hire me?  I do good blow jobs customer relations, admin, write ups, managing, coffee making & just about anything else you need to be done.  

Being a Capetonian

…allows for some serious perks and advantages:

• You get to drive like a maniac and no one cares
• If you own a spar, your tomatoes are allowed to be orange
• You can answer any provincial debate with "dude, we like, have a mowwwwntin"
• The streets are all wide and double laned, yet you have to wait ages to cross an intersection because there are an inevitable lack of robots
• The waterfront has no free parking, you just have to pay, pay, pay!
• Your excuse for anything is that the weather is good.  Your other excuse is that the weather is bad.
• Being white or coloured or even purple with pink polka dots automatically gives you the right to speak like you have no front teeth and finish every sentence off with ‘naai man!’

The terminology here is completely different to what we have in Durban, and apparently my accent is ‘very KZN’.  I come from the South Coast, which is also known as the Slow Coast, but damn, everything is so chilled here that even the dogs look at you and say "like, woof, bru".