Accepting help.

One of the toughest things I’ve had to learn recently is to accept help.  Well, that, and also “letting go”.  Mother of god that’s difficult for me.  I’ve taken to singing the worlds “let it go” to the Frozen theme song melody.  Can’t shave my own legs anymore and gotta get Jon to help?  “Let it gooooo, let it goooooooo cos you don’t want those hairs to groooooow”.

Moving house whilst bed resting has been an interesting feat.  I’m technically supposed to stay flat.  So for a control freak like me, it was very hard to lie on the couch and let my friends throw away things I had a little too much useless attachment to, so I had to let it go.  But, back up a bit, accepting my friends help to begin with was a feat.  I even tried to back-peddle once I’d accepted that Tam had organised it with everyone before telling me, and then I tried to cancel it a few days before.  Thank goodness Tam ignored me and told me to STFU – the help they did that day honestly made all the difference in the world.

Thembi has been such a rock star since coming back from her maternity. She looks after me so well, bosses me around, answers the door and deals with suppliers coming in and out, fights with movers who don’t put stuff where they’re supposed to go.  I’ve had to sit back and let Thembs run the household for weeks now.  It has surprisingly been a lot easier than I thought it would be.  She’s even arranged a friend to help with the rest of the week so that I don’t have to worry about the houses (new and old) being left uncleaned on moving day. She’s amazing.

Rozz was coming over to visit the other day and called to say she was going past the shops and what did I need. 30 minutes later she arrived with my Environ facial products which, if left to Jon to get for me, probably would’ve been the wrong types, lets be honest here. The man is a catch, but a beauty product person he is not.

I’ve found a lady who cooks home made food, freezes it and then delivers in batches for a few weeks at a time. It’s paid for, of course, but the fact that I don’t have to ask Jon to still go shopping daily and then come home to cook after work has made the world of difference for us. Now he gets home and we have a little catch up chat on the bed and he tells me all about work and the world and stuff happening outside of my computer and/or bedroom.

My point is, I’m glad I’ve accepted help. It’s made life so much easier. More importantly, it’s taught me a lesson in that sometimes we are only as alone as we allow ourselves to be. And luckily for Jon and I, we have been surrounded by people who are incredibly helpful and willing to assist. I mean, my mom drove 9 hours to come and spend 24 hours with me so that I wouldn’t be home alone and then drove another 9 hours home again.

But, also, on behalf of other helpless control freaks out there, if you’re wanting to help them, don’t just say “hey, let me know if I can help”, because we never will. We’ll never pick up the phone and say “please could you get me XYZ while I lie here feeling useless”.  No. If you’re willing to help, pick a task and help.  Or ask a question “would you rather I do A or B for you and how soon do you need it done?”. And also, even more irritatingly, don’t be that guy who keeps promising to do something and never follows through. It’s not cool.  We control freaks on bed rest are just lying here with nothing better to do than grow more and more bitter about the thing that still hasn’t been done.  We get that life is busy, that’s cool. But then rather keep your insincere offers to help of yourself. Cos then you’re not even on our radar. Cos that shit gets personal.

More importantly, if you were one of the people who did even just a something small to assist us in the last few months, thank you. Thank you so much.  You’ve made life so much easier for us in what could have been an otherwise impossible period.

Now, please excuse me, we’re moving into our big adult house tomorrow, I better get going and help tell people what to do from my bed.

5 comments

  1. I. Douchbag says:

    Just because people didn’t get to the front of the queue to help with the first set of tasks (house packing or whatever) didn’t mean they were insincere when they offered help. Maybe that busy life you spoke about kept them from nagging and letting those telepathic control freak cries for help get through. Just maybe the offer was genuine and not a sinister plot to mess with your head. As part of the growing exercise you are talking about here, maybe you also need to “Let it go, LET IT GO!” and ask for help instead of saying “We’ll let you know…” and crickets.

    Yours sincerely
    An “insincere help offering douchebag”.

    • Shebee says:

      Dear I. Douchebag,
      I honestly have no idea who you are, or why you think we should talk about this face to face (your email address says youknowwho@letstalkaboutthisfacetoface.com). I’m going to assume that you’re not one of my good friends because my good friends and I would be able to talk about this openly and they would come out quite quickly and confront head on whether that little blurb in the blog post was about them or not. More importantly, they’d know it wasn’t about any one specific person but a general feeling against the many random and insincere offers that get thrown out publicly to make them look more involved than they actually want to be.

      It’s sad that this is the only bit you took out of the blog post. Did you see the majority of the words that spoke about how wonderful our loved ones have been, and how helpful and how much initiative was taken? Or, for instance, did you read the part where I mentioned how hard it was for me to accept help in the beginning, but have clearly learned that it is now so much more rewarding to say yes, please and thank you a million times? No? Didn’t think so.

      Your comment here clearly shows a bit of a guilt complex, but really – let it go. No need to take things so personally. I won’t if you won’t.

  2. Justin says:

    Douchebag, wow. Just wow. You’re a complete moron. And quite honestly you aren’t worthy of Sheenas friendship. What a dork. No wonder you have no friends, well you clearly don’t if you felt the need to reply anonymously.

  3. Angel says:

    I am so with you on asking for help…
    I just can’t seem to wrap my head around putting aside my pride! Way back when I was a single mom and my paycheck didn’t stretch far enough, it would take me HOURS to ask my mom for R20 for petrol!

    Wait… Where did you call people douchebags!??! I missed that part!

  4. MeeA says:

    I’m so glad you’ve had so much help – Clearly, you have no shortage of awesome people in your life! I would have loved to have been there to help, too, and would have, had I known where to be and when. And the offer to help still stands.
    I hope your move is quick and smooth and that you’re at home in your new house right away.

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