A thinky post on people

I’ve always wanted to be able to say I was the type of person who could tell what other people were like. I used to fancy that people around me had auras of colour that represented whether they were good or bad or sneaky or kind. For a while, it kind of drove my inner friend-maker in which decisions of which people I should be friends with or not.

But then somewhere along the line things started going horribly wrong with my friendships. A life-long friend and I had a fall out, another friend of mine disowned me because I changed when I moved to Joburg and then I was burnt by a newly made friend in Joburg. Suddenly – I wasn’t so sure about my instincts around people as much as I was before.

I’ve never been a very thinky-think person. Someone who thinks long and hard about things, that’s never been me. I’ve always felt, rather. Feeling has always been my thing. I either feel something or I don’t. I’m not one to sit and analyse and decide about someone or something.  Not easily, anyway.  I find it hard to sit still and think about things without keeping my hands busy and if I stare off into once space for too long my eyes cross over and get stuck and then I’m all like OHMYGODI’VEBECOMESQUINT.

Which brings me to my point. Someone very close to me is hurting so much right now, and through no fault of their own. And the person who hurt them is someone I had given the go ahead, feeling that they had a good aura. I didn’t get a very evil, deceptive vibe from that person at all. Yet it turns out that they are left morally wanting. In a way that has affected two very special people in my life. And for that, I wonder.

How do we ever know who we can trust or rely on to just be good a good person? I’m not asking for sainthood or anything. Just decency. A little bit of honesty and morality, even.

Because my God – the actions of others affect lives in ways we can never presume to understand. Our hearts only have tiny compartments of space yet I find that most of us try and overload those compartments with baggage and people who just don’t deserve to fit.

And for my friend who is hurting – I love you, you’re brave and you’re strong and most importantly; YOU ARE GOING TO BE OK. It might not seem like it now, but give yourself time to heal. Because douchebags are too big to fit in the small compartments of our hearts.

6 comments

  1. Jeanette says:

    ((hugs)) to your friend.
    As for people… they are yuck… I’m not a very good friend myself and don’t keep in touch with people and actually yesterday I was thinking that I’m missing out a little… but anyhoo…

  2. Carla says:

    People change, drift apart, it sucks actually.. I basically lost my “best friends” to relationships.. Hardly ever hear from them, I just decided, oh well, fuck them too then.. get new friends.haha

  3. Angel says:

    People do change, though not always for the better.
    And some people hide their hearts and come across better than they are and you only find out the truth when its too late.
    For me, I work hard to maintain a do-unto-others way of thinking. Even though it often feels like I’m the only one doing so.

    • Angel says:

      And when I say it feels like I’m the only one I am generalising – I’m not speaking of my own friends. I am blessed to have some incredible people in my life.

  4. Louisa says:

    Mmm…just because someone did something bad doesn’t mean they’re evil? Okay, sometimes they are – but sometimes they’re a goid person who did something bad.

    I am also more feely than thinky when it comes to these things, but occasionally I also misread someone. It happens.

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