Why drinking and waxing is never a good idea if your mother is involved.

It was a sunny and warm day on The South Coast.  We were all chilling out at the pool like people do on sunny and warm days on The South Coast.  Ciders were flowing, my brother was a floating in the pool, Kev was fiddling with that horrible creepy-crawly thing… it was chilled, okay.

All of a sardine, out of nowhere my mother beckons me to follow her to The Salon she owns up the staircase. For those not in the know, sometime last year my mother dearest decided she wanted to quit her career of sales pitches and open up her own beauty salon.  From scratch she built up a beautiful little clinic and she’s become excellent at whichever treatment she gives out.  It wasn’t always like that though, and as the eldest daughter in the family, I was told that it is my duty to be a guinea pig when she wants to learn something new.  Some of you immediately swoon, right?  “FREE MASSAGES!  HOW DIVINE!  OOOH, NAIL TREATMENTS!” I’d imagine you crooning.

Not a fuck. Thus far, I have suffered:

  • green hair
  • burnt hair
  • orange hair
  • horrid hair cuts
  • split ends from bad products
  • “dehydrated sculp” (yeah, I know.  I hadn’t heard of it either til then)
  • face break outs from too much of some or other essential oil
  • stiff muscles from what was meant to be a relaxing indian muscle massage
  • ingrown toenails from a pedicure gone wrong
  • skin fungi from disagreeable products
  • Bleeding from excessive waxing in one spot

Quite peturbed, my hair follicles stood aquiver in the anticipation of whichever “try-out” she hand in mind for me this time, as you can imagine.

Mom: Your eyebrows, darling, they’re looking positively neanderthal.

Me: I happen to like them right now, you know its a project of mine, doing my own shape Mom.

Mom: Yes but one can only stand by and watch in silence for so long, Sheena-Laura.  Now lay down on the bed.

…do I really have to even go any further than this?

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The Before.  I was happily sitting on the grass with a drinkypoo, minding my own business.

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The After.  I was unhappily not impressed.  Oh you can’t see anything funny looking?  Look closer at my right eyebrow.  Yep.

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The Close Up.  So not impressed, my glasses were squiff.  Horrid, innit?

12 comments

  1. Virginia, geekmommie says:

    oh so sorry, you know what they say about you can choose your freinds but not your family! …it can only get better, we hope ;( will become 🙂

  2. Shebee says:

    Yeah, she did the other one. It’s almost as thin, but not quite. I kinda tried to make them a bit similiar but without the left one looking quite as ridiculously thin as the other one.

    *sob*

  3. Goblin says:

    Eish, not kieff 🙁 If it’s any consolation though…I bleached my eyebrows once out of curiosity…and walked around with green eyebrows for a month.

  4. Amy says:

    Good lord child, what did you mum do to you ? My sister does my eyebrows, but she’s a trained beauty therapist so i think i’m relatively safe in her hands…

  5. B says:

    MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    Oh my soddy sacs,, I am laughing my self into an asthma attack here!!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

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