What was I thinking?

Flashing lights, disco ball, unce unce music, ‘girrrrls just wanna have fu-unnnn’ blaring though the speakers.  I look around me and there is one Screaming Dora Queen after another sharing my dance floor.

Okay.  Its alright, you can do this Sheena.  Just sway your hips.  Tap your feet.  Ignore the guy dressed as Paris Hilton and let the beats run through your body.  But it’s flipping Cindy Lauper!  Jesus H. Christical, how frikken cliché, man!  I’m in a Gay Club, and they’re playing Gay music.  Honestly.  The gay dudes are putting shakira to shame here!  Frankly, I’m intimidated.

I accidentally went to the (unisex) bathroom by myself and came out of the stall to find a lesbian chic bigger than all four of my brothers leering at my chest.  “There, there, Butchie – nice lesbian” I thought to myself as I made haste out of there faster than something really, really fast.

Incidentally, she followed me around the whole night.  Its name was Melanie.  Melanie, if you’re reading this (hi!) no offence, I’m just not into girls with bigger boobs than me, sorry.  You were sweet though.

Leon is up for a business trip.  You remember Leon, right?  My old gay assistant-come-best gay mate?  Haven’t seen him for AGES (because his boyfriend is a wanker) so it was really nice to catch up and hear all about him and tell him all my stories and laugh about all the effeminate males around us.  It was his idea to go to The Lounge for old time’s sake.

When I sober up I will kill him.  I know I’ll regret this in the morning. I have work in a few hours damnit!

PS:  To the drunk-diallage recipient:  Thanks for putting up with me.  I didn’t run out on you purposely, I firstly dropped my phone in the bin and couldn’t find it, then ran out of airtime after we hung up and I couldn’t reply to your sms.  But hey, you still owe me that [removed from public legibility] as discussed so we’ll talk again soon. As long as you oath on your life to not tease me.  Deal? Okay, deal.

3 comments

  1. angel says:

    drunk diallage
    ~~note of disdain in the thought voice~~
    have you not learned that lesson yet!!?

    i am glad you had fun and didn’t take any lesbians home with you… and what is it with you and your phone!!!?!??

  2. charmskool says:

    Eek the downfall of going to a gay club is being stalked by your very own diesel dyke! I had two get into a fist fight over me and hadn’t even noticed them till the fight broke out and I asked what was going on.

  3. shebee says:

    Angel – I was cursed many, many moon ago. the phone survived this time luckily!

    Charm – Ohmyword! I would have paid to be a fly on the wall that night.

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