What makes a mother?

What makes a mother?  Falling pregnant?  Having the baby? Bringing it home and changing nappies, bottles and having the chore of cleaning up after yourself when you’re done?  Or is it more the fact that you’ve gone through however many months of pregnancy, bonded with your child, taught it life lessons and how to love?

What about when you bend down one day to tie your child’s shoe laces and you’re stopped because they’re “big enough now” to do it themselves, does that make you a mother?

Yes, of course it does.  But also, even if you’ve never been allowed to do any of those things.  Even if all you ever got to do was see your baby in hospital with drips, blood and medication.  Even if all you wanted to do was hold your baby in your arms, in your own home, but were never able to.  Even if all you could do for your child was make sure you were there, holding their hand, praying to wherever you pray, hoping against all hope that your little person gets to one day meet their family.  Even if only that.  You’re still a mother.

And when they’re long gone and all you have left of your child is memories, sadness and nostalgia, you’re still a mother.  Because in your heart, you’ve been changed forever.  For the better.  For the future.  For when you decide you can stand up, look down and walk tall with your healed self.  The healing is inevitable.  You may not believe it now, but it’s inevitable.  Because your child didn’t come here to destroy you when he or she left. And the ability to move onwards and carry on living, with the memory of your child held near and dear to your once very much broken but now healed heart?  That’s what makes a mother.

I thought of you and closed my eyes

And prayed to God today

I asked “What makes a Mother?”

And I know I heard Him say,

“A Mother has a baby” this we know is true

“But God can you be a Mother, when your baby’s not with you?”

“Yes, you can,” He replied with confidence in His voice

“I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime, and others for the day.

And some I send to feel your womb, but there’s no need to stay.”

“I just don’t understand this God I want my baby to be here.”

He took a deep breath and cleared His throat, and then I saw the tear.

“I wish I could show you, what your child is doing today.

If you could see your child’s smile, with all the other children and say…

‘We go to Earth to learn our lessons, of love and life and fear.

My Mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come strait here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom, who had so much love for me.

I learned my lessons very quickly, my Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much, but I visit her every day.

When she goes to sleep, on her pillow’s where I lay

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek, and whisper in her ear.

Mommy don’t be sad today, I’m your baby and I’m here.’

“So you see my dear sweet ones, your children are okay.

Your babies are born here in My home,

And this is where they’ll stay.

They’ll wait for you with Me, until your lesson’s through.

And on the day that you come home they’ll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother, it’s the feeling in your heart

It’s the love you had so much of, right from the very start


Please don’t forget about Bryce‘s family, they need our help.


  1. Shebee says:

    Gina, someone sent that poem to me after Kiera died. I can’t tell you how much it meant to me back then. When Lee reads this, I hope she’ll feel some sort of comfort too.

  2. MOM says:

    Once more my daughter has me in tears. Sheena only mothers like you and Lee know how it feels to bury your child. Granny’s can only stand back and be in pain for their huge loss of their precious grandchild and for their daughters utter sorrow. I know in time this will comfort Lee as it comforted you. You are both awesome woman and wonderful mothers. And like I said when our precious Kiki went to heaven she came here not to ruin you but to teach you and I see our precious angel did a fantastic job. Kiki I wish every day that your mommy had you hear on earth but that was not meant to be. Hope Kiera and Bryce are looking down on Sheen and Lee. The Muslims believe if you loose a baby the Mom forever has their own angel. To all the precious angels and Moms out their … strength and love.

  3. Angel says:

    Sheena darling.
    Once again your bravery and honesty has a big lump in my throat.
    I love you. I admore you. I am proud of you.

  4. Auntie Laina says:

    Do not be afraid to Love and touch and cuddle (as I did) – So many Regrets.. To all the family out there who stand back , … Just Do it. Love Auntie Laina xxxxx Forever and Always

  5. Alet says:

    I have been sitting in the comment box thinking of what to say. Thank you for being so open and honest about what you’ve experienced!

    You’ve touched my heart and I am sure so many others!

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