Voicemails I finally got around to listening to this weekend.

Voicemails should be outlawed.  In fact, instead of writing this post, I should be googling how to deactivate my voicemail on Cell C.  Instead, I have a recorded message that goes a little something like this:

Hi, this is Sheena’s voice mail.  Please don’t leave me a message, I never bother to listen to them.  Instead, please send an SMS if it’s urgent or call back later. Kthxbi.

You’d think this deters people from leaving a voice message.  It doesn’t.  Instead, they hear the beeeeeeep and their brain functionality shuts down, as the following voice messages will demonstrate.  These messages are just a few I managed to listen to until my voice mail filled up and stopped taking messages.  Some of them are really, really old, but most of them are just over my birthday period because I got lazy and stopped listening halfway through the rest.  Who knows, I could’ve won a trip to Italy and I don’t even know it.  Because I HATE VOICE MAIL.  DON’T DO IT.

channing

Goodness it’s unhealthy how much I actually adore Channing.

Mom: It’s your mother, why do you never answer your calls? I’m just going to keep phoning until you answer me.

Anel: Oh, shit.  It beeped and now I’m speaking because I panicked and I’m not sure what to do.  Why do you hate voice mails?

Cath: *heavy breathing*

Jon: Aaaaaaaaaarggggggggggh ANSWER YOUR PHONE.

Bergen: Why do you even have a phone, seriously?  Do you even listen to these?

Call-center person: Ehhhh, is this Shiner?  Miss Shiner Gates?  Please call me back ehgently on 0861 blah blah for a free contract you’ve been pre-approved for.

Dad: This is your father speaking.  I can’t remember the last time I heard your real voice.  Are you still alive?

Rozz: *sigh*

Rozz: *double sigh*

Rozz: Tag, you’re it!

Heidi: YOU SAY I SHOULDN’T LEAVE A VOICE MAIL BUT I’M DOING IT JUST TO ANNOY YOU.  HAHAHAHAA.

Britt: Happy birthday cow poo! Look at me I remembered your birthday and your present from me is this voice message.

Unknown: F*ck you for not answering my call.  This is bullshi*t! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope your cake is rotten.

Wokkie: Sheen, this is your youngest brother Warrick.  Happy birthday and please send me airtime.

Automated robot from the future with far too much pep in it’s tone: Dear Valued Client, you qualify for a *DELETE MESSAGE*

Mom: It’s meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.  I just wanted to hear your voice.

Mom: Still me.  Call me back.

Mom: Sheen, why is your phone off?

Mom: Did you get home safe?

Mom: I sent you a whatsapp.  Call me back.

Tam: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck you and your voice mail.

Someone from work: Um, hi Sheena, sorry to leave you a voice mail, please call me urgently regarding XYZ.  I’ll pop you an SMS now anyway.  Sorry again. <- YES, PEOPLE, SEND AN SMS RATHER.  GOOD JOB.

Unknown: Oh, shit- I waited too long and now it’s beeped and I’d rather say something than nothing but you probably won’t even hear this so I’m going to end the call and pretend this never happened.  I wish phones had control+z function.  Don’t judge me please.

Unknown: *VERY LOUD MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND* …some mumbles… She’s not going to answer, she never answers her phone, she only uses it for Twitter…more mumbles *MORE VERY LOUD MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND*

Some things this blog post has taught me is:

  1. People don’t understand simple instructions.
  2. Automated recordings put a lot of pressure on some, apparently.
  3. My friends are very aggressive, wow.
  4. My mom is high maintenance.
  5. I should probably try answering calls more often.

 

7 comments

  1. Bergen Larsen says:

    I disabled my voicemail for over a year. I constantly had people telling me there was something wrong with my phone. I’ll show you how to do it next time I see you.

    I’m gonna disable it again.. gah. Voicemail. WTF.

  2. Heidi says:

    YOU SAY I SHOULDN’T LEAVE A VOICE MAIL BUT I’M DOING IT JUST TO ANNOY YOU. HAHAHAHAA.

    And I will continue to do it. Whorebag.

    Love you

    x

  3. Tracy says:

    Did you ever manage to find out how to deactivate your voicemail? I am now battling with my bosses phone. Googled it, found your blog… we grew up in the same town 😛 I was in B’s standard. Anyway, found nothing else… just codes that remove call forwarding. GRRR AARRRRRGGHH! So frustrating, please help me by letting me know if you managed to come right.
    Ta
    Tracy

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