This is me being Emo, okay?

I’ve been all bright and bubbly for a while now, so please forgive me the following post. It needs to be done, I need to get this off my chest and you all know that my best outlet is my blog. So, read no further if you’re not up for an emo installment of me.

First off, I miss my animals, okay? I miss Left and Right flying away from me all the time and hanging out on my curtain rail in the lounge where they knew I couldn’t reach them. I miss them hopping into my shower when they knew Susie was sleeping in her bed.

I miss Milo, my blind old doggie. I miss laughing at him fall down the stairs, or jumping up onto the couch and missing. I miss the way he used to nibble on my toes. I wish I knew what happened to him. After Britt so kindly took him in when I had to move out of my flat, he went missing. He pined for me, the garden wall collapsed and he went looking for me in the streets. No one ever found him.

I miss Flea and Kayla and Jeremy. I miss having Kayla pop up to my flat every day to help me feed the dogs, or to cut up apples for the birds, or to just sit and tell me about High School Musical and how this one boy at school tried to kiss her and it was gross. I miss having Flea round for wine or Jeremy to come lie in bed with me on a Sunday morning when everyone else was out, we’d watch super hero movies together and laugh and wish Flea was with us instead of at her moms.

I miss Susie. Oh my god how I miss my darling Susie. I miss coming home to a wrecked garden, dug up flower beds and destroyed tampons. I miss waking up because she’d crawled into my bed and slept on my neck so that I couldn’t breathe.

I miss my cellophane curtains and my leather lounge suite and my kick ass wall unit and my flat. I miss living five minutes from my mom. I even flipping miss the stupid driveway that broke my foot. Well, okay, that’s pushing it.

Do you get what I’m saying, Blog?

I miss the gallery. Showing photo’s off tonight reminded me of that. I was so happy there. Leon and I worked so well together. I miss the mall’s vibe. I miss the Skater Boi, I miss my old internet connection, I miss my old clients, I don’t miss the suppliers though, or the oil price drops or the Zimbabwean politics that affected me so.

Basically, I miss the ease of my old life. The comfort, the surety, the security of it all. The knowledge that I knew where I was going, when it would happen and that I had a fat salary coming in at the end of the month. I miss the money. I really do.

This new life is… different. I’m learning everyday what other kids learnt long ago, without the immediate available support system that I had become accustomed to. Yes, my family is still close enough, but not as close as they were.

I meet new people daily, I find new places to go to weekly and I have become used to this city and all its beauty. Its so different from everything I’ve been used to my entire life. And fuck man, its hard being grown up! I think I’ve felt it for the first time since I’ve been here. The fact that everything is up to me freaks me out. If I get lost, sorry for me, phoning Step Daddy won’t help. If I have a flat tire (god forbid) I’m going to have to change it myself, hey. That’s pretty scary right there.

Right now, everything is just daunting the hell out of me. I know I’ll be fine again tomorrow, but for right now I want to take a moment and say to myself:

‘Well done, You. So much has changed, a new life, new home, new city, new friends, loss of one job, start of another, loss of a boyfriend and all your beloved animals…you’ve gone through so much, endured it all and have come out on the other side stronger, if not better for it. Keep up the good work’.

That would be all. Thanks for listening, Blog.

12 comments

  1. Stef says:

    i get what you’re saying
    i feel like that a lot
    hugs hun
    your gold medal is in the post
    wear it with pride
    XXX

  2. justBcoz says:

    I’m so with you …
    Starting a new life is really hard!
    I also miss the security and how things used to be (when they were good). It feels like every day is a challenge now, a non-stop struggle to cope with all the newness and the never ending “grown up” responsibilities.
    It’s tiring.

  3. leez says:

    When you find it please send it to me Cheap thrills.

    I’m the last person to give advice on anything like this but what I’ve been told is that this is natural and that things do get better eventually. We’re all entitled to our off days.

  4. shebee says:

    Thanks guys. I wrote that a few days ago actually, so I’m much better today 🙂

    Whats going on with you guys though? I need a distraction from what I’m doing at this precise moment.

  5. cathjenkin says:

    WAHHH. that ‘insert restaurant name’ waiter really doesnt match up does he?

    smooches bean. you know this. X

  6. shebee says:

    Caff – nort. He sucks. Honestly, Brett was so much better.

    JBC – ag no man. The black spots on your ears getting you down? hehehe

  7. shebee says:

    Have you never heard the vaseline trick?

    Smear it all over your hair line and ears before the dye. Works a charm, you just wipe it off after.

    Its a pleasure.

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