Things I Don’t Understand…

  1. Why anyone would want to stick an iguana up their guava (Tiff retold stories of what she’s seen in Thailand)
  2. What possesses any woman in their sound mind to wax their vaginus
  3. Or bleach their brown eyed inverted turd twinker
  4. When someone says ‘thank you’ why do I automatically reply ‘it’s my pleasure’? Most of the time it really, really wasn’t
  5. How the New Moon soundtrack was not released the day I was born.  In love with this album, I am.  Truly, madly, deeply
  6. How groups of women at a baby shower feel the incessant need to talk Baby every second of the event and thereby pissing me off with ridiculous statements such as:
    1. So when’s it your turn?
    2. You’ll never feel more beautiful than when you’re pregnant, you know…
    3. (bullshit, by the way. I’ve been pregnant.  I felt like ass the entire time)
    4. Tee hee, guess what’s inside! No, don’t smell it!
  7. Similarly, what’s up with chicks at Bachelorette parties thinking that if they hold the worlds lamest ritual in which we have to wear lame hats, coo at the sex toys given and discuss the brides sex life in front of her mother and/or granny, it’ll be original?  It’s not. I want a scone & tea party, or to go cart-racing, or paint-balling if I ever get married.  Word.
  8. By the law of averages you are more likely to be killed by a flying champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.  Why then am I tempting fate by finding spider bites on me all the time?  Freaky, man!

On that note, I’m suddenly craving a long flute of bubbly.

7 comments

  1. cath says:

    dude. you forgot the quintessential life question of:

    “when women are forced into a room together, why do they always check each others shoes out?”

  2. Tara says:

    1. That sounds like a fascinating show to see.

    2. I’ve often wondered and asked this question. I can’t get a decent answer.

    4. I do this too. It really fucking irritates me.

    5. You know that I don’t have it yet? Yes, I’m terrible.

    6. I refuse to go to baby showers unless it’s for someone really really important these days. They bore me more words can express with the way women carry on at these things. I’ve said if I’m ever up the duff, I’m having a baby shower where it’s only boys invited and there’ll be lots of beer for them to get drunk of and entertain me.

    7. A similar approach would be adopted for a bachelor party. That sounds like I would organise an orgy…not the direction I meant…oh hell you know what I mean.

    8. It’s champagne tuesday. Go and get some of that J.C. Le Roux with the pink polka dots on the bottle and have a chilled night 😉

  3. MeganTS says:

    on number 3: i had a combined baby shower, guys and girls. it was awesome, except for the bit where everyone else was drunk and i wasn’t. much better than the chick only snore fests i’ve been to and wished there was booze at.

  4. CC says:

    I’ve never been to a baby shower, poor me 🙂

    Lol I dont say “its my pleasure” maybe just say “okay” after their “thanks, also alot of the time when people phone me at work and ask how I am, if I dont know who is on the line I just answer “I’m fine thanks” and don’t ask back how they are, rude maybe 🙂 do I care, noooo.

    I also dont want a typical bachelorette party (fuck the party I’ll be so happy I’m actually getting married hah hah) but I would also want to do something fun, paintball rocks but dont wanna get bruises before the wedding. but I’d even forego the wedding and get married in court, lol thats enough for me.

    If I wasn’t shy I wax the nether regions! lol why dont you understand it, coz of the pain?

    Lol can’t imagine feeling beautiful when pregnant, some people just talk a load of crap, those sheep!

    Nice to see you posting regularly!

    • Shebee says:

      CC, dude – have your vagina waxed ONCE and tell me if you’ll ever do it again. I dare you 😛 It’s possibly the worst pain a woman will ever go through, including childbirth!

      And yeah, the posting more often thing? I’ve got my blogging mojo back for a bit it seems, I’m just going with it 🙂 Thanks for noticing.

      Megan – dude, a co-ed baby shower? You’re genius!

      Gobby – Facinating, for sure. I’d watch it if it was going, gotta try everything once before you knock it. JC might not be a bad idea hey…

      C@th – it’s cos my shoes are better than your shoes. Always 😉

  5. Angel says:

    I must be honest… at the last baby shower I went to, I hid sort of around the corner at the end of the line of chairs…
    I am seriously working on ideas to make baby and wedding showers more entertaining for the guests as well as the VIP.
    And I’ve never had a wax…

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