Things 2014 Me Thinks About

Is it just me, or is there no need for chloroform when there’s asparagus around? This is something I’ve only discovered in my very late twenties. Asparagus, deliciously steamed with drizzled olive oil, cracked black pepper and salt, makes one’s urine smell. But like really, really smell.  I noticed it one day and was convinced something was terribly wrong there. You know, there.  It was so convincingly bad, I got onto the phone with my mom in two seconds flat and screeched out the problem until she eventually stopped laughing and asked me if I’d eaten anything different than usual.  This is not the first time something like this has happened to me.  I have a story about carrots too.  Cath knows it and she’s been blackmailing me for years to keep it quiet.

We start our first dancing lesson of the year this week.  I’m really not even keen.  I don’t know what happened but I find myself looking forward to when our contract runs out so that we can not renew.  I’m not sure if it’s just that I’m so. goddamned. lazy. or if it’s just that I’m not enjoying the dance classes anymore, or if it’s that I’m just dreading putting on my dancing shoes which hurt my toes so very badly.  I don’t know.  Meh, so not in the mood for it.  Related: may be lazy.

Urgh.  Some kids I know on Facebook got married this weekend and I suddenly feel old, wrinkly (well, not a full on ‘wrinkle’, more like a ‘crinkle’ to be honest) and stabby.  I find myself looking at younger girls and not being jealous of their skinnier bodies or longer legs, but rather I zoom in on their eyes to see if they have crow-lines, I look at their hands to see if their skin is also starting to crinkle.  I look at their long hair without split ends, or their shiny cheeks that have rosy colour and I hate those bitches so hard.  Is that normal?  Since when does age give one a right to resent others less life-experienced?  I’ve always hated that trait in other people but now I see that I’ve somehow picked it up.

I’m having a day, can you tell?

 

6 comments

  1. Nick says:

    Fun fact!
    Only about 22% of the population can smell that awful asparagus urine smell.
    The rest of us don’t smell a thing.

    Sorry for you!

  2. Chris M says:

    Stinky 😛

    The dancing thing is normal, you reach levels and then get bored, happened to me too. Taking a break helps though – perhaps once you’re back you’ll enjoy it though!

  3. Angel says:

    Don’t get me started on the age thing… Ugh.
    I’m sure you’ll love the dancing again as soon as you start! You were having so much fun! Did you take your shoes to be stretched?
    As for different smelling pee… There are times when its a good thing to have a dysfunctional sense of smell.
    😛

  4. Michelle says:

    This made me LOL a little but only because I can so relate. My ‘baby’ cousin (the one who I still see aa a cute toddler running after me) got married last year and is now having a baby. How is that even possible? meh

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