There’s this thing, see…

…where I’ve started to compare my life now with my life then, back in the days where I didn’t live here and I lived there. Confused much? Take a number and get in line, buddy.

But on a non serious note – look at the differences I’m experiencing:

DURBAN ROBOTS: have their own resident hobo.  At every single robot.  Complete with individual cardboard art decorium.  For shiz – my favourite hobo on the corner of Manning and Moore used to have techni-coloured chrystanthiums as a border around his “HELP! No money, no woman, no booze!” sign. 

HOBURG ROBOTS: have their own resident Zimbabwean who will sell you his granny if you pay the right price.  Or will offer to wash your car while you’re stopped at the red, with a bucket of murky slime and what could once be identified as a sponge.  The bonus here is that you could also pick up the latest illegal unreleased  dvd’s, blackberry chargers or brightly hued coat hangers and brollies.

DURBAN SCENERY: pretty plastic disregarded take away packets provide some character to the dust on all the building.  Graffitti art will inspire you to rush home and wash your hands, mouth and possibly your mind with Sunlight Liquid Soap.

HOBURG SCENERY: Aside from the gleam of shiny Mercs, BMW’s and Audi’s, you have to wear sunglasses to protect yourself from dangerous afternoon rays just before the sun sets because, damn.  People didn’t lie when they said the sun was brighter here.

DURBAN CASINOS: Grab a bunny chow on your way down Argyle road, marvel at the possibility of so many colours being splashed onto one place and attempt at not allowing your eyeballs to bleed as you avoid making eye contact with the design that is SunCoast Casino.

HOBURG CASINOS: Avoid the many unofficial taxi lanes on your way down William Nicol and gasp in awe that is a kitch version of Tuscany Villas as you enter Monte Casino, where there are clearance sales in the shops EVERYWHERE, not because the shops are going bust, its a clever little retail trick to fool people like me who honestly believe they’re getting a bargain before the masses cotton onto this enormously amazing sale. 

DURBAN MOVIE HOUSES: Get in line for ages to book the ticket, thank the door(wo)man for not breaking your wrist as she frisks you before allowing yourself into Musgrave Cinema, dive for the slush puppy and popcorn, race through to grab a good seat in a cramped cinema.  Feel unbelievable lucky if you got the cinema that has working sound and no holes in the chair and if you didn’t have to kick an Indian couple in the privates for copulating in the row right in front of you. 

HOBURG MOVIE HOUSES: Walk straight passed the queue, do not pass go, collect R200.  Or, print out your already booked movie tickets in a second, waltz past the snacks counter just before you’re greeted with a smile and an “enjoy your movie, you two” as you walk into THE BIGGEST MOVIE CINEMA OF EVER, sink into the gigantic cushioned chairs imported from spaceships the galaxy over (I’m convinced of it) and be amazed at the enormous screen before you and sound that vibrates in your bones.

DURBAN BOYS:  ask you if you wanna hang out at the beach and watch them catch a wave, maybe.  If the surf is good you might get lucky and have a beer chucked at you in celebration. If you spend longer than 3 hours together its unspoken that sex is expected. In most cases*.

HOBURG BOYS:  take you to dinner, open your car door, argue over why you shouldn’t pay for anything, make good conversation, laugh at your silly antics, drop you off at home and not hump your leg.

*  That’s my disclaimer. I said in most cases. Don’t hate me damnit.

PS: will be live on The Digital Edge podcast this week – any specific shout out’s you guys want me to do? The topic is this blog.

9 comments

  1. Shebee says:

    Just for the record, I’m not dissing my home city. You all know how I love Durban. It’s my home town. I’m just seeing things in a different light now that I’ve experienced Joburg in more detail than I ever did in the past.

  2. acidicice says:

    Would love to see a comparison of Hoburg and Schlaapstad on here!

    I don’t do podcasts – but send a shoutout to our bitch ExMi – like you weren’t going to anyway – and Angel 🙂

  3. sass says:

    ok. now let me compare hoburg and la-la-la-la-land…. uhm, now let’s see…..
    hmn… maybe i should get back to you on this one after i’ve been here a while this time.

  4. Angel says:

    So… you like Hoburg better?
    😛

    You can shout out to me of course! And Glugs, and the knucklehead, and my nephew Nathan… aaaand, my wedding planning blog and my gawjiss bewbs!!!

    😀

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