There was this one time…

note-to-selfI used to do some fun shit, okay.  Like, madly insane crazy shit that made my friends laugh, cringe, wee and snort at.  All at the same time.

For instance there was this one time I got my mates to dress in princess dresses on no special occasion to go out to a club.  I’m talking full on hoola-hoop pink meringues here.  In a nightclub.  We got hit on plenty, I promise.

Then the other time I went to go watch a Sharks game live with the rugby boys and wore a jersey with the boobs cut out so my bra was showing, with black and white make up looking like a goth on Viagra.  Fishnets and fuck-me shoes and all.  Black and white for the team, obviously.

Another evening had me speaking loike a chav the entire way frew a boring dinna wiff a bloke Oi’d met only the ‘ther day, roight?  ‘E frowned a lo’, tryin ta rack his brain to see if oi’d spoken loike vis then.

About a year ago I went on a date with a 60 year old to see if I could accept the life of luxury from a sugar daddy.  When it came to crunch time and his silvery ice cold lips tried to part mine with a wet tongue, I realised with a jolt and a throat mock charge that I could not.

Once, I told my boyfriend I was too pregnant for an abortion.  He was on the verge of going overseas and he’d forgotten it was April Fools Day.

Not so long ago, I pretended I was deaf in a Pick ‘n Pay aisle so I could skip the queue…

And now?  Now I sit around fighting off my brothers for the DSTV remote to watch Kim fucking Kardashian put fake nails on and whip her hair around on a reality show.

Kill me.

Jo’burgh oh Jo’burgh
How I look forward to you so
With windfalls and raindrops and thunderstorms and snow…


  1. TotallyCooked says:

    there was this one time, me and two mates hired costumes – 2 Priest types and a Nun and mooched arourd Dubbin collecting for what I suspect was the Widders n Orfans Fund. Made damn good beer money – we skidded over to a really dodgy gay bar and spent our bucks while blessing all the fairies that had not hired their outfits. It was the 80’s and some people didn’t actually bat an eye … others had the Guilts … such grand fun

  2. TotallyCooked says:

    A wasted youth is better by far than a wise and productive old age …

    It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

    two little mottos I’ve lived by 🙂

  3. Scott says:

    This blows my theory out of the water: That only men do dumb pointless things for kicks, like mooning the google earth street view car, or feigning seizures to get out of paying for bar tabs.
    Unless, you are that special breed: An honorary man? Wear your manly sash with pride, Shebee.

  4. Hardspear says:

    Have you tried shopping speaking only German even though you cannot speak German – Make up your own version.
    Winter in Joburg will make you yearn to be back at the coast.

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