The M.A.C. Imporium

Welcome to the M.A.C. Imporium.

I would like to invite you on a tour of a somewhat urbanised dictionary, composed by C@th, Lauren (whom I have yet to meet) and I, who have spent extrodinary amounts of time on this here little project. It has been hard work, with emotions invested and airtime spent, and I am so very pissed off that I get to share it with you now:

Official M.A.C. Imporium Dictionary. Read it, learn it, avoid it:

Stage 1, Situation:

He doesn’t call. He doesn’t answer your call.

Definition: M.A.C. – Men Are Crap.

Solution: a) annoy the motherfucker with countless messages and calls. b) don’t let it bother you. This will be damn near impossible around your bitch week of bloody and gore.


Stage 2, Situation:

When you finally do hear from them again, you feel like a tool because he acts like he has no idea why you’re upset. He then sweet talks you into not being angry.

Defintion: M.A.S.C. – Men Are Such Cocks.

Solution: Start shopping around for new talent.


Stage 3, Situation:

He’s “busy” but “still adores” you. This usually happens once the fembot has decided to take a step back. Reeling you in, is what I believe its known as.

Definition: M.A.K. – Men are Kak.

Solution: Slap yourself upside the head and wake the hell up. He’s “just not that into you”.


Stage 4, Situation:

Just as you’ve decided to blame yourself (again) for being too naggy, too expectant, too clingly, too insecure, he goes back to ignoring you. Again. Every now and again, he’ll slip in a word or sentence that makes your hormones clap hands and you go weak at the knees all over again.

Definition: M.U.C.K – Men’s Uncommunicativeness Can Kill.

Solution: Approach your sexologist to point you in the direction of a nearby sexchange support group. Find yourself a girlfriend and do it right.


Stage 5, Situation:

He tells you out of the blue how he feels. He whispers sweet words, promises lovely things, plants great ideas, convinces you to agree, seems like Mr. Wonderful. Then he goes and backs out of all of them. Why? “Because he is scared”. (S.C.A.R.E.D – Shithead. Can’t. Articulate. Real. Emotions, Dumbass)

Definition: M.A.S.T.U.R.B.A.T.E. – Men Are Shit To Under Rate us By Acting Too Eager.

Solution: Well. Fuck. Buy a dildo.


All I want from now on is a man with a body of an Adonis, and a brain of a gnat. Or, a vibrating credit card that kills spiders.