The Depro’d Emo

Right, dudes, today I want to talk about depression. A kind of depression that cannot be explained. I currently do not have depression, but I do suffer from it time to time.

The worst thing you can tell a depressed person is; ‘chin up, you have so much happiness in your life’ or ‘why don’t you take up a hobby’. I can tell you from personal experience, every time you say things like, ‘its going to be ok’ that depressed person you are saying it to is going to want to give you a running, kicking, fuck-slap across your head.

Do you know half (yes people, 50%) of suicides are because the victim of death or survivor of life, depends on one’s opinion) didn’t have the nerve to talk to anyone. Wanna hear why? Because of the stupid cliche’s people say when they think they are helping. Depression is considered a disease, and in this day and age, can now be treated as such, with real medicine and everything. The problem with that comes in, the Emo’s (emotionals – my new fave word) don’t want to live off medicine all the time.

Take me for example: after Kiera died I went into a trance like state for a few days, I was awake and aware of my surroundings but something took over inside of me, almost like “cruise control” was moving me around and answering questions and eating food, but in spirit? My spirit and personality took a vacation. That is, until my mother started feeding me anti-depressants (ad’s). For exactly two weeks, all I did was eat and sleep and take pills to make me sleep again. I couldn’t deal with everyday life, and I didn’t want to either. Yet, I also didn’t like the idea of being depressed and living off pills either, so I stopped them.

After that, I would get a bout of depression on occassion, and people would say ‘but why?’ and as soon as I answered them with ‘oh I dunno, the guy I was seeing dumped me, or work has me really stressed out’ when in fact it was neither of those reasons at all, I used to make them up because unless a depressed person has a valid reason for being depressed, people get antsy.

I mean really, if I told you I once found a mitten in my cupboard, and couldn’t find the other one, it looked so lonely to me, and I promptly burst into tears. Now would you feel like I deserved to be depressed over that?

My point to this post is not coming through like I wanted it to.

Be nice to depressed people, ok? Weather you understand why or not. And don’t say dumb things like ‘it’ll all be ok, or you are just being silly, chin up”.

Ok, I’m all done. I think.