Some people have all the luck…

A quick dash to the garage down the road for smokes, bread and milk this morning has proven to add to my list of embarrassing moments I wish had never happened.  Or, “wish-I’d-used-my-brain-for-a-godamned-second-before-reacting”, but whatevs.

So it’s freezing today.  Raining, misty and about 3 degrees outside.  I shit you not.  The car windows were frosted this morning.  If I had any of my two previously okay looking nipples left, they would’ve called quits and said ‘fuck this for a sad joke’ and bungee jumped themselves right off my boobs to plummet to an untimely self imposed death. 

Off to the shop I go, clad in about four layers of techni-coloured stockings provided to me by my jet setting sister Cam (she was in the US last month), tights and warm yoga pants, no less than THREE hoodies and a fluffy scarf.  Nobody said fashion had to look good, right?  I quite like being the strange girl known as “that creative dresser”, it comes in handy for when I really couldn’t give a toss and just want to be warm.  No one looks at me funny anymore.

But I digress.  There I am in the Engen.  Two loaves of bread in hand, milk balancing on my boobs so I can tweet my actions while standing in a queue, when a big strapping lad in a thick black coat and army boots walks in.  It would’ve been cool, except he had a balaclava on his head and fuck me if I didn’t elbow the dude in front of me while simultaneously slapping balaclava boy with a loaf of bread as he whips his coat back to reveal a shiny gun!

The cashier dude jumped over the counter, half laughing, half in shock at this crazy white woman attacking the Fidelity guard. Yes, I said “the Fidelity guard“.  How was I meant to see the huge splashings of company uniform identification marks on the back of his jacket?  All I was concentrating on was his stupid balaclava!  I mean honestly, don’t black people know those things are made for criminals only?

Some people have all the luck when it comes to behaving in society. 

I, however, am not one of them.

11 comments

  1. Syllable says:

    When I saw my cousin on Saturday with her brightly coloured stripey socks, coloured bells attached to her boots with paperclips, I thanked her for dressing out of the ordinary, even if it’s not according to the theme. Her face dropped and she responded: “This is my normal everyday dress”. Oh. Riiiight.

    With the toe and stripey socks you two have loads in common. Also competing cleavages in retrospect 😛

  2. Shebee says:

    Sleepy Jane – well done. I’m sure you’re doing better than most of the guys who were in the shop with me. Sigh.

    Syllable – Yip, she’s a character from out of my world, for sure 😉

    Po – snigger yourself 😛 Thank you, I thought I was also quite stupid brave.

    Flea – I know. Poor him. I mean, how embarassing to be attacked for innocently holding a gun. Pffft.

    xx

  3. Shebee says:

    Angel – Sigh. I know. I should really stop blogging these things before I get ostracised from society altogether.

    Jenty – Yip. *cringe*

    Last night I happened to mention it over dinner with friends and the guy choked on his food. Apparently he works for one of the security companies and had one of the guards walk in complaining of some crazy white lady who attacks people with bread.

    Oh my god.

  4. Sweets says:

    hehehehe helllllloooooooooooooooooo you sweet thang you
    you
    are
    crazy
    of that i am now sure 🙂
    joburg aint for sissies darling’… so erm well done LOL

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