Remembering the number six.

So it finally happened. Six years ago I sat on the floor of my daughters hospital room in a puddle of uselessness wondering outloud, “how will I ever get to six years of this date?”.

This date, that floods so many memories, good and bad but mostly only ever sad.

This date, where we should be blowing out candles, not lighting them.

This date, where I could be rushing around getting a little person dressed for school early in the mornings, not sleeping in like I do.

This date, where so many people remember to walk on egg shells in case I crack and become useless again.

This date, where my daughter should’ve been celebrating her sixth birthday with everyone who loved her.

But I’m not, and we don’t, and she can’t and I still do sleep in.

But this date? On this year, the sixth one I’ve lived through, I’ll be okay. Because I’ve made peace, accepted and moved on.

Because Kiki wouldn’t want us all in tears on her special day. And I know that she’s having her own little celebration with marshmallows, vanilla custard and her friend Cameron somewhere us adults and non-believers will ever be able to join. And that’s okay.

Its going to be okay. It always is.

Happy birthday my six year old little angel face. Mommy loves you and is better for it.

Ps: Please, for my family friend Lee Berriman, pray / light candles / send special thoughts to her baby, Bryce, who has been fighting so hard for his life in hospital. He deserves all the help and positivity he can get.


  1. stalker says:

    Aw bees glad your ok this year but your a strong woman and you can do anything sent my wishes for little Bryce nobody should ever have to go through that! I miss you love you and you have 88 more days of peace till I get there and turn your world upside down TELL the new man I have booked you in advance ok! dont want no stories k

  2. Laura says:

    There arent really words to say! I didnt know her or you six years ago – but your kid – she is sitting having vanilla custard and marshmallows and laughing lots πŸ™‚


  3. flarkus says:

    That’s the cap/hat/thing!! The one in the FB pic! That’s the one I saw at the coffeeshop here in Houghton on the well-dressed lady with long dark hair too!

    [disengage stalkerification]

    Sharing those feelings is the best way to work through the experience and it’s legacy. We’re rooting for you

  4. Shebee says:

    Flarkus, nope honey – still wasn’t me, sorry.

    Next time you see her, ask her what a hippocrocodonkeyrat is, if she knows, then its me.


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