Relationshits & couples coma

Jon and I rekindled our relationship over the last few days.  It was way past due and it was wonderful to spend time together without any distractions.  We went to dinner, we went to see a movie, we took a drive, we walked.  We spoke.  And spoke and spoke and spoke some more.

I’ve realised how easy it is to get into a couples coma.  It’s much easier to not make plans, go home, veg on the couch with pyjamas on and hair a mess.  It’s easier to flick on the latest episode of whatever series than it is to set the dinner table and actually look at each other and converse.  It’s easier to be comfortable with the status quo, than it is to take a long, hard look at where things are and where they’re going or not going.

And so, I propose this to other couples out there: have status meetings.  Do it often.  Write down points of things that bother you, yes, but also bring up the things that you appreciate about each other.  Remind yourselves why you’re in this thing together.  And never take for granted that not all things are guaranteed.  Sometimes you do need to make an effort.  If only one person reads this post and goes home tonight to their loved one and makes a small effort that usually gets ignored, then my job as a blogger is done.  I will have made a difference.

It’s easier to ignore issues than it is to deal with them.  I am very happy to say that I’m so glad we did.  I feel like I’ve sometimes forgotten that it is not always about me, and that what I do affects Jon in ways I couldn’t understand unless he told me.  And vice versa.  I very easily slip back into single girl mentality.  Even three years in, I have to remind myself that I’m in a relationship and that there’s someone else’s feelings to consider.

Couples coma is dangerous, I don’t recommend it for anyone.  Conversations are important.  Have them.  We did, and it’s made such a difference.

 

Update [5 July, 10:00am]: 

I have had the most amazing response to this post, via email funnily enough. It’s strange how many people read this blog and then are shy to comment in public.

Thanks for all the feedback guys, I’m so glad some of you ‘get’ what I’m saying. One person says that they actively date their partner, even after 9 years of being together. It gives me hope 🙂

 

 

PS: My team has grown at work.  OMW.  So many new faces in my life, so many new personalities, so many new briefs to work on.  Overwhelmed does not cut it.  This last week has been a roller coaster ride.  So much is happening that I sometimes feel like I need a pause button just to regroup.

9 comments

  1. TTT says:

    3 years! Wow dude. You are right, it’s far to easy to slip into a Zone. I am making a point to be thankful for my life and my relationships these days. And making a point of saying it out loud.

  2. Cath Jenkin says:

    I know you know, I know, why this post made me smile.

    I desperately owe you an email and a chat. Promise it will come soon.

    p.s. Couple’s Coma. I actually don’t need to explain why I love this term, and will adore avoiding the concept for the rest of my life. X

  3. Sally-Jane says:

    Add 3 kids to the mix and sleep depravation, soon a relationship can be functional tiredness with the occasional irritated snapping. I told The Geek that we really needed to go on date night. It was lovely to reconnect and chat and laugh. We will just ignore the dumb argument about smoking on the way home.
    I also find that as parents you have to makes sure that you find time for a sex life – things go downhill fast without that connection

  4. Shebee says:

    I have had the most amazing response to this post, via email funnily enough. It’s strange how many people read this blog and then are shy to comment in public.

    Thanks for all the feedback guys, I’m so glad some of you ‘get’ what I’m saying. One person says that they actively date their partner, even after 9 years of being together. It gives me hope 🙂

  5. BiancaW says:

    Sally Jane pretty much took the words out my mouth. Kids in the mix = recipe for disaster.

    We do a date night too. Not as often as I would like, but we do.

  6. Cheryl says:

    True true words. Me and my worser half will be together 3 years this October. We’ve been online friends since 2002, we met in real life October 2009 and I moved in January 2010. Best move I ever made!

    We have the perfect relationship, and I’m totally at ease with him (I’m not at ease normally. Dunno if you remember me from the Shame movie, but I aint skinny and I have issues. A lot. lol.)

    Anyhow, my point is I thought we were doing okay, till we started doing the breakfast thing every morning. The 30 minutes we spend preparing and enjoying breakfast before we leave for work, made such a HUGE difference. I highly recommend it. Talk talk and then talk some more.

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