Pregnancy is a mind f*ck, basically.

brain egg

If I’m not dreaming of smoking, I dream of sex.  Brutal, soft, backwards, quiet, noisy, fleshy, clothed, private, public, messy, sex.  Sometimes with my husband, sometimes not.  Last night I dreamed of my ex from 10 years ago, I can’t remember the last time I even thought about him.  And when it’s not sex (maybe 1 night out of 7 it’ll not be sex) it’ll be a real life fear turned into a nightmare.  Jon leaves me, I run away from home (and am a teenager again), my mom does something odd, my brothers are in trouble, I lose the house keys and am locked out FOREVER. Dreams are mean.  And when I wake up, I’m so tired I just want to go back to sleep again.

My hobby now is napping in between naps.  I can nap in the car, on the couch, at my desk, on bed, in bed, under bed and next to bed.  I am exhausted, all the time.  I read somewhere that growing a baby in your first trimester can burn more calories in 30 minutes than a full boxing session.  I am totally in agreement.  This is hard, yo.  

I remember teasing Tam about her dry eyeballs while she was pregnant with her Toffee.  ‘What a weird symptom, totally all in her head’, I thought.  And now?  Revenge, revenge on Tam’s behalf is what my body is doing to me.  Pins and needles!  That’s my latest pregnancy little tidbit.  Pins and needles in my hands and in my foot. Hell, even in my butt some days.  And if I complain or mention anything, Jon does this thing where he goes all sympathetic in his forehead, but then questions why it’s happening.  “But that doesn’t make sense, sweetheart, I’m sure it’s not a symptom of pregnancy” he will say.  I could kill him.  I DON’T CARE WHY, IT JUST IS!  And then, being the nerd he is, he researches the science behind it.  Only once he has his answers will he accept that it’s happening.  Though he denies that last bit, he says he believes me (liar) and that I’m just being sensitive (Sensitive? Me! Never!).

Someone in the office stood at my desk the other day with a dead serious face and asked me the following question, to which I still don’t know how to react:

“Don’t you ever feel, like, that it’s super weird that you are literally never by yourself now?  You have someone with you 24/7, you can’t have not even a second’s privacy, because you’re not just alone, you don’t just have someone with you, that someone is inside of you.  In your body. That’s weird, hey?”

Quite.

Porridge brain is something else as well.  Do you know what I did yesterday?  Jon and I decided we’d go for lunch and so into the car I hopped while he grabbed the rubbish bin bag to take to the complex’s garbage room.  “I’ll meet you at the gate”, he said, as I happily drove out of my parking bay, around the circle, through the complex gates and only once I was out of the actual complex, into the main road, did I notice a frantically screaming husband shouting “SHEENA! WAIT FOR ME! SHEEEEEEENA YOU’RE LEAVING ME!” whilst throwing his hands in the air and running after the car.  I slammed on breaks and reversed, unlocking the car doors and blushing profusely.  All I could do was cover my mouth in absolute shock and apologise to him in between giggles and snorts.  I’m still snorting as I type this.  I FORGOT MY HUSBAND AND DROVE AWAY WITHOUT HIM!  HAHAHHAAAAAA.

I’ve also managed to speak in complete non-sentences, lost my keys and handbag way too often and even microwaved an avo and tried to pour water over my cereal.  Life is very interesting at the moment.

 

17 comments

  1. Cath says:

    I was wondering when all this stuff would hit. haha.

    Oh man.

    I’m waiting to see what happens when you start licking the paint off the walls, because you think it tastes good.

    (it happens!)

  2. Stacey Vee @MissStaceyVee says:

    Sheens, can I just say how immensely I am enjoying sharing this journey with you?! I have been gobbling up your FB updates and blog posts 😉

    PS: I never regained the ability to speak in full sentences after pregnancy.

    • Shebee says:

      Thanks Stace, so glad to hear this. I noticed a significant drop in followers/friends (which I know I shouldn’t care about and pre-pregnancy hormones I never did) but it bugs. I’m all BUT WHY DON’T YOU LOVE MY BABY, BITCHES?!?!?!?!?

  3. acidicice says:

    Perhaps I shouldn’t document this, but shortly after my children were born, I have left each of them in their pram at a till in a grocery shop and walked away. I wasn’t used to being accountable for someone other than myself! You would have thought I got the hang of it the second time around…I blame post natal porridge brains for that one! Luckily the husband was with me to say “Um…think you’re forgetting something?”

  4. Zayaan Schroeder says:

    I remember towards the end of my pregnancy, sitting on the toilet for the 5 millionth time that day, while my son kicked me in the ribs from the inside thinking:”I just want my body back to myself. Is that so much to ask?”.

    Good luck with this journey, it’s at times difficult but SO VERY worth it in the end.

  5. MeeA says:

    Well, there’s one unfollower (me) who hasn’t ACTUALLY unfollowed YOU. I just deleted my facebook and twitter profiles for entirely personal reasons. I’m still avidly following your blog updates and loving it!

    I can so relate to the tiredness, the dreams and the porrige brain! Jungle Juice is your friend!

  6. Laura says:

    Ja pregnancy is so far away from glowing skin and cherubic smiles. It is a pretty crap 40 weeks! Just be glad (VERY VERY glad) that you are starting in summer, not ending.

    But on the upside it is only 40 weeks :-p

    I still feel like I have porrige brain but that could be the four kids, husband and dog I have to look after!

  7. Momma Bear says:

    Poor Jon. Cheating in your dreams. Forgetting the poor man and driving off. I am sure (I hope) when baby is in his arms the weird pregnancy will be a distant memory otherwise he might just stop at one and have a mental breakdown along the way. O tog, O tog!!

  8. Amy says:

    The weirdest i got was super itch with Flynn ( all over my abdomen, all day, and the only thing that would ease it was goat milk soap ) and super smell with Tully. Neither of them particularly pleasant!

  9. karen says:

    I remember the tireds. With my first one I was super tired and trying to study in college. I once forgot my 2nd bundle of joy at my in laws. I had my 2yr old’s hand, my handbag and nappy bag. Said goodbye and went off to the car until I saw my mil running after me shouting ” you forgot your other child” The carrycot was just one thing too many to remember. It happens!

  10. Kate Kearney says:

    I haven’t yet done anything as drastic as forgetting my husband (and If I did it would more than likely be intentional) but I (on an almost weekly basis) forget to turn the tap off, put things in the fridge that don’t belong in the fridge and cry at silly TV commercials.

    Yay pregnancy!

    Loved this post!

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