Post by bulletpoints.

  • Playing paintball whilst Joburg gets more soaked than an English teabag is surprisingly fun.  Especially with a bunch of South African coconuts who had me in stitches for almost six hours.
  • Wearing Bergen‘s pj’s after I showered in his shower after playing paintball whilst Joburg gets more soaked than an English teabag was very comfortable.  Cos I know you were wondering.  Yes, you in the back with your finger up your nose.
  • My one foot has shrunk.  All of a sudden, my right footed handed shoes are all too big for me and I fall out of them.  Especially my new purple pumps of awesomeness.  What the eff, dudes?
  • BettaSnack Wholewheat Digestive biscuits with Caramel Choc topping are divine.  I’ve consumed an entire box over two nights for dinner.  With milk.  In a cup.  Until they’re soggy.
  • I dreamt that I grew a tail last night.
  • Jon and I will never again be on the same team for 30 seconds.  He’s way too competitive and I’m way too not phased, we just annoy each other.
  • My bed.  Oh em gee.  It’s completely and utterly befokked.  I need a new one.
  • My sister gets married in T minus 5 sleeps!
  • Jon is coming to meet my family in Durban this weekend.  I have the following visions happening in my mind, consequetively:
    • Jon walks in, my brothers circle him and sneer
    • My brothers walk into the house with their underpants on and hats turned backward, Jon looks at me for help
    • My step dad bores him to death with “The Power of the Lesser Spotted Blue Billed Tsetse Fly” or some such equally yawn-inducing talk
    • My mom gets down on her hands and knees and offers Jon Labola for her own daughter
    • My mom gets down on her hands and knees and begs him to give her a grandchild
    • My mom asks him how I am in bed
    • My mom hugs him and kisses him and cries because I’m so happy*
    • Jon sees me in my natural habitat and says “F*ck this for a bag of marshmallows, I’m outta here!”
    • My brothers ask Jon how many wood chucks could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood
  • I have to walk down the aisle.  In a dress.  Behind my sister.  Please, please, please, universe – let me know trip over my feet and fall on Cam, causing her to trip on her (MAGNIFICENTLY BEAUTIFUL) designer gown and fall flat on her face.
  • May it not rain.  It’s an outdoor wedding.
  • I have found a new place to live, maybe.  It’s with two awesome people and its in a beeeeeeg house, I believe.  I’ll be checking it out this week some time.
  • Just read Peas On Toast’s book.  I heart it! In fact, I loved it so much I woke up extra early on Sunday morning to finish the last chapter.
  • Did I mention my foot is shrinking?  How weird am I?

* Ja, this one is probably inevitable, come to think of it.


  1. Wenchy says:

    Okay the foot thing is slightly fucked. Sorry about that.

    Please give boyfriend or brothers valium before the visit… but not yourself as you will fall down in the fanTy dress in church.

    Enjoy Durban.

  2. Laura says:

    I had a meet the parents thing last week and had the same visions as you!

    My mom behaved but did manage to call him a ninny! I figure if he survived that and still stuck around – he must like me!

  3. Amy says:

    FRom all the other stories you’ve told of your mum, i can totally see her asking Jon how you are in bed…. if she does, i expect a full re-telling here on the blog….

  4. Jon says:

    Oh boy, this doesn’t make me feel any less nervous! 😉

    As for your mum, I was pretty surprised about her comment that you should “dress yourself up in a bow for me to unwrap”. So I can only imagine what she’s gonna say when I’m there!

    Am sure it’ll be fine, but there will no doubt be stories that come out of it, haha.

  5. Jeanette says:

    Oh LOL, your family read your blog, remember, if I were them I’d do that to Jon just to prove a point!
    I’m sure this weekend will go very well 🙂 and enjoy the wedding

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