Polar opposites in public.

One of the things my people usually say when they meet Jon is “but he’s so normal! How do you guys get it to work when you’re so different?”.  I suppose I should be slightly offended by that, since it really implies that I am, in essence, abnormal. But it’s the truth, I suppose.  We are different.  We are actually opposites in most things.  Where Jon is reliable and sensible, I fly off the handle and reach for the sky and jump ten steps ahead without thinking things through at all.  Jon is responsible, I’m responsive.  Jon is polite, I’m in your face.  Jon is socially well mannered and I am a freaking nut case in society.  Jon is friendly and insists on always thanking a host and shaking hands and saying goodbye to everyone at a party, I get drunk and loud and am quite fine with slipping out the back and sending a hung over message the next day saying “shot for the evening, was fun, have hangover – fuck you”. That’s us in public.  Polar opposites and confusing to everyone around us.

But in private?  In private we’re like one great big normal couple.  He sits on the couch and I automatically hand over the remote while he robotically covers me with a duvet.  We’ve learnt to read each other without having to say a word, and our bodies are in sync so much so that it’s very seldom we ever have to actually ask the other person to do anything, we just know.  For instance, I’ll subconsciously look up at the bedroom light and frown and without having said a word, Jon will get out of bed and switch it off without even have looked at me properly.  And if we eat dinner in front of the TV, I’ll lift up my hand in search of the salt and without even realising, he’s already put it in front of my plate.  At bed time, by the time Jon gets under the duvet, I’ve already grabbed the TV remote to switch the TV off because I know he’ll be fast asleep by the time I’ve finished watching whatever’s on screen and I don’t want to have to wake him up to pass the remote to me.

We have our disagreements, don’t get me wrong. But we’ve never ever raised our voices and we’ve never gone to bed angry or hurt or confused.  We talk to each other.  This is an entirely new concept to me.  Before hand, I thought fighting with your loved one meant screaming and shouting and crying and sulking.  And I was reminded of this fact when Jacques, my ex boyfriend, phoned me up out of the blue the other day to say hi.  It’s been about 5 years since we last spoke, and he cracked a joke about my poor new boyfriend having to put up with my temper tantrums.

At first I was hurt and started to defend myself, but I realised something – he hasn’t met the new Sheena.  He knows the Sheena of old, the one who would scream and shout and sulk and demand and cry.  The 19 year old rebel who was angry about her daughter being dead.  The Sheena who didn’t know how to communicate and would assume her boyfriend would just know when things went wrong and fix the problem.  Jacques had to put up with a lot from me.  I seriously put him through his paces, poor dude.  So when he jokingly asked how Jon coped with me, I honestly and openly told him that I wasn’t the person I used to be.  And I realised, I’ve grown up.  Jon has taught me so much in our relationship.  He’s taught me what love is, that it’s not only about passion and power over someone, it’s about communication and friendship and affection and kindness and compromise.  He’s taught me that to get something I want, all I need do is ask and let him know.  He’s taught me that I don’t need to be a raving bitch when I’m upset, but rather just talk to him about what’s bugging me so that we can sort it out together.

He’s not the only one who’s done teaching though.  I’ve shown him how to let loose a bit.  How to open up and talk about the nitty gritty details.  I’ve lead by example and gotten really personal with things that most couples should talk about but don’t.  I’ve taught him to lighten up and not always be perfect and inoffensive.  I’ve even gotten him to show me a side of him that no one in public ever sees, and I’m so grateful that he chose me to share it with.  I feel special and so lucky to have found this amazing guy who I can completely be myself with, but who is also learning to be himself with me.

Unfortunately I’ve also taught Jon how to not be afraid of teasing me.  At first he’d say something really funny and witty and then immediately apologise and take it all back, which completely ruined his efforts.  Now, almost a year on (can you BELIEVE I’ve been a real life girlfriend for nearly a year? Omg!) he wins every time.  He’s not only witty, but he’s sharp too.  I’ve resorted to gaping with my mouth open and putting on a mock hurt face, but even that doesn’t stop him.  What have I done?  I’ve created a fucking monster, that’s what.

Ultimately, we’re learning together.  And that makes things awesome.  It’s a two way station and this relationshit really isn’t as weird as people in public might think.  Actually, this relationshit is not shit at all.

9 comments

  1. Tara says:

    How DARE you grow up! Tsk.

    Actually you’ve grown up the best way, being reasonable without being a boring sod.

    And considering how sickingly sweet this is, I think your one year anniversary post is going to make me vomit rainbows 😛

    <3 you really

  2. Shebee says:

    Aww Gobby, this is as vomit-inducingly sweet as I get, I don’t think I could possibly top this for the anniversary post. Maybe a sex tape? Discuss.

  3. Tara says:

    Every celeb needs a good sex tape and you’re our SA interwebs celeb and thus need one.

    The logic is undeniable!

  4. Heidi says:

    Aw, this is so sickeningly sweet I got an ice-cream headache thingie – you know when something is SO sweet the glands at the back of your mouth aches and you feel a bit dizzy? That.

    But it’s frikken amazing – welcome to the world of awesome relationships – it’s a happy place and we all hold hands and sing Kumbaya. 🙂

    Love you unsavoury tart, and love your Jon too… he is the perfect man for you and you are the perfect nutter for him.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Wow. I have spent the last 10 years trying to get my BF to know what I want without having to say “pass the salt.” You are doing well!

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