Paying off old debts.

I’m a good sibling.  In fact, I’d go as far as to say one of the best.  One the planet. But so are my siblings.  We’re a formiddable team and feel very sorry for anyone who has to break into our very exclusive circle of closeness.  One of the bigger times I ever noticed this as much was when I was pregnant.

My brothers and sisters knew before my parents. They were ecstatic to be aunts and uncles.  They knew before my friends even.  And I remember Dazz (I think he was about 13 at the time) boasting to his friends and even 5 year old Wok who barely even understood the concept of pregnancy.  They used to take turns lying on my stomach listening out for baby’s hiccups.  My sisters were adoring, loving and very excited. With Kiera alive, they all took turns in being the other parent.  They couldn’t wait to get home to be with us.  Even my brother Brandon and all his rugby friends in matric would come round to play with her and let me sleep or read.  When Kiera was sick, my siblings lined up to have their blood taken to see who would match her for a transfusion.  Brandon won, and he was so honoured he could help his little niece.

When she died, I wanted to die too.  Not just because I’d lost my baby girl, but because my family was broken as a whole.  I wanted to be with them, but I couldn’t face the rawness of their pain.  Everytime I tried to cry, they would cry too.  In trying to heal me, they were hiding their own sadness, and vice versa. It took years of practice for us to be able to talk about her, smile about a story without choking up for each other.  But we did it, we got there.

So it’s when my brother looks up at me and says “I owe you Sheen, you’re doing so much for me” that I look down to him and silently cry inside.  He gave his blood for my daughter.  He allowed for her to live so that I and my other siblings could share in her life for another 7 months of her life.  He loved her like I’ve never seen.  And he loved me through out all my bad decisions and choices.  He helped me get back to normality and he completes our circle of closeness.  The Ross/Gates Clan wouldn’t be the same without Brandon.  He owes me nothing.  He gave my daughter that extra length of time.  And thats more than I could have ever asked for.  In this life time or the next.

I take care of him because I can.  And because in some way, in some small miniscule little contributing way – I feel I’m finally able to thank him properly.