Oxsents.

One thing about being South African that I love is the different ways we all speak.  Yeah we’re all from the same country, but have you noticed how many accents we have?

Blade from Caaaape Town, mayan: So like, ja hey, I climbed the mowwwwntin this Ay Em.  It was awesome, duuuuude.

Cedric from Soweto, but the larnie MINI Cooper driving kind: Eish marrra, ncho nchi click click isiZulu her ayaass wuz FLY, dawg. [See what I did there?  The way they mix up the languages to confuse both English and Zulu people?  The poor dutchmen, they don’t stand a fucking chance!]

Klein Fanie from Pofadder: ohkay okes, I is coming to you live now frrrom de local pos kantoor, where we are looking wiff Meneer van Vollenhoven at the verry nice free lady womens who is offering you pos stampings for your onvelopes at only two ront ninenty free cents.  And one free koeksuster cooked by Yolandie Swanepoel en haar Ma. Like in, kom net aan, it is sommer being just a joke.

Michael from Bryanston: Oh my wordy word, have you seen the new Puma sale going down in Sandton City, darl?  It is sssimply amazzzing, lovely honey sweetie pie.  Euw my gawd – I just want to plutz! Get there now.  Just go.  No, just drop your things and go. Now.  It’s a mussst sssee, forgoodnessakesss.

Donnie Be Cool, from Durban: Yussus, bru, the waves today are fucken epic hey, have you been out hey, you really should catch one hey.  Oath – you’ll be one with the dolphins and shit hey.  And then we can catch a brewski at Taco Zulu on Florida and check for chicks before we go to Virgin Active to chow some weights hey.

I have met at least five of all of these characters, and any South African will agree with me.  And if they don’t, or your name is Klein Fanie and you’re from Pofadder, well… you can’t blame me for your parents delusions of grandeur, or lack thereof.  But I’ll disclaim an apology here just in case.

Because the last thing anyone wants are a bunch of angry Klein Fanie’s from Pofadder running around.

9 comments

  1. Aasia says:

    Overhead where i live: Jarre maai broo. tjek dus sale, here byrre (by the)sendton. you mustn’t come now. wait forre (for the) last day, wen dey say everyting mus jas go!

    Some people just make me want to cut my jugular.

    I laaiks it!

  2. Wayne Bisset says:

    The Cape coloured, man you will get banned off the net! But here is what I have heard then say, ” Jou ma’s se p*%s man, don’t tune me grief, I will sommer lem you.”

  3. Tara says:

    Bra do we really say the ‘mountain’ all funny? :/ I’ve like never noticed it.

    But can I be a half breed? Cos people from CT think I’m from Durbs while you okes all know I’m from here.

  4. Po says:

    Hehe this is the post of awesomeness. Tara, Capetonians say “mountain” like they are stoned”, wait Capetonians talk like they are stoned all the time 🙂

    Hmmmmm…

Comments are closed.