No I’m fine.

IM FINE

There’s the clue, in the way the sentence starts. The negative beginning of one’s way of convincing you and themselves that everything is ok but not really. It’s commonly used in answer to the ever-popular question “so is it hard having a baby?”. The answer is almost always “No I’m fine, the no-sleep thing is a bit rough but haha, you know, it’s all worth it in the end”. Or, “no I’m fine, I can totally juggle doing the washing and feeding the baby while Jon packs the dishwasher and sorts out the pool and feeds the cats and oh look, it’s 10pm and we haven’t eaten dinner yet”. Or, better yet: “ja, no my husband sleeps in another room now. We just felt it was better for him to get some sleep because the baby sleeps in bed with me now, but we’re totally fine with it haha*”.

I’m not here to judge, whatever floats your boat, floats your boat. If you wanna co-sleep/let the kid have his own room, exclusively breastfeed / formula feed, raise your child as vegan, whatever, man. Do your thing. I can only judge my own parenting style. But what I can and will judge, is how we all do our nut in to prove just how amazing and ok and together we all are in parenting our kids. I just wish there wasn’t all this pressure on ourselves to be totally fucking positively happy all the time about having a kid. I mean, of course it’s awesome 97% of the time. Just this morning Aiden taught himself to sit unassisted in the cot and had a huge, proud grin on his face the whole time. BUT. There’s that other 3% that nobody ever Instagrams or tweets about. Let me tell you about it.

This last week, Jon and I went out on our own, sans baby, TWICE! One was to an awesome dinner party with at least 14 other adult humans who could form words and sentences and make funny jokes. The other night was to the movies. As in, in an actual cinema where it was loud and dark and smelled of vrot feet, just like it’s supposed to. And at this movie house we sat and held hands, and cuddled awkwardly over the gigantic cinema seats, and ate popcorn and slurped on still-cold-not-lukewarm-from-being-forgotten-about sodas, in peace – without hitting pause on the movie five times to check on the baby, or letting the popcorn go stale because we got distracted changing nappies / bathing baby / pureeing mince and carrots into a gray, soul-less mush. It was basically heaven for four solid hours. We even stopped for cake and a coffee afterwards before heading home.

Besides me being a complete control-freak, Jon and I don’t have our parents to rely on for babysitting like some of our friends, so we’ve been a bit cautious in asking anyone else to babysit for us. Which means that we compromised and didn’t go out ever in the six months our boy has lived on this earth. But when both grannies were in town this week, we took full advantage. And it reminded me that actually it’s ok to let my hair down and enjoy the company of the man I chose to spend my lifetime with. It’s also ok to go out without the baby and sit back and think; my GOD, I MISSED THIS. I missed this spontaneous dating thing so much. So what if we planned this spontaneity six weeks in advance.

The moral of my little story here, is that I need to date my husband more often. Without the baby. It’s fun, and important and it’s ok for us to be a couple too, not only just** parents.

 

*My husband does not sleep in another room, by the way. That was an example a friend of ours used. 

**As grateful as we are to have him, obvs.

 

PS: Do you like my new look? Thanks to Jon for fixing things as I broke them, and Andre for being patient as a saint as always, even though he still  refuses to send me a bloody invoice.

13 comments

  1. MeeA says:

    HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! We used to be super cautious about whom we let babysit for us, too. And then, suddenly, the kids all grew bigger and nobody was willing to sommer just babysit for us! ;-P
    Dating your husband is so very, very important to the health of your marriage. I hope you date the hell out of yours, often and hard! xx

  2. Laura says:

    We are at the point that if anyone implies they may possibly like kids, D and I are out the door quicker than your blender can transform that mince 🙂

    But ja that 3% can feel like 97% some days

  3. Cassey says:

    New look ftw! We still haven’t fully broken the cautious with babysitter options habit 🙁 Strides are being made though.

    Also that 3% make you question everything all the time, and does get shared…just not with everyone.

  4. Tam says:

    16months post baby and I am yet to have a date or celebrate with my now fiance. Besides the fact that he works away a lot and us not having a support system close by,let alone someone we trust to babysit… We no longer chat or see much of each other and when we do I feel so disconnected from the man I agreed to marry who is also the father of my child. Its like he has moved on without me and sees me as the mother of his child and no longer his lover, future wife and best friend… As much as I love my child, I feel like I lost myself and my relationship in the process…

  5. tara says:

    I think it was about 6 months before we set foot out the house sans baby. And even though his godmother was with him and he was fast asleep the entire 2.5 hours we were out I still had my phone glued to my hand. If been 2 years and while that gets easier I still haven’t left him overnight…

Comments are closed.