My eyeballs are in danger

I have officially become one of those sad fuckers who get a pet, fall in love and replicate motherhood usually reserved for actual human beings, to a dog.

Susie has now begun to sleep in my bed at night. At first I would let her in when she started crying early in the morning, but that was purely selfish, I would be too lazy to actually play with her, so I’d cover her up in the blankets and she’d happily go to sleep with me. Now, though, I dont even bother with her house, she just hops in next to me at night.

I am constantly worrying about her when I can’t have her in sight. She accompanies me everywhere. has her own little space in my car and everything. Quite the local, she has become.

Every week day I pack Susie a lunch box of:

a. chew bone
b. puppy pellets
c. puppy meat

which then goes in her ‘school bag’ that gets dropped off with her



It’s official. I am going to die alone.

With two birds who will eat out my eyes when they get tired of not being fed, and a dog who will then eat my birds.

No one will even know I’m gone because I will spend all my time with my animals. Possibly, after a week Neighbour Jeremy will pop over for a cup of sugar and smell a terrible stench of dead woman and call the ambulance and fire department to break down the door as no one else lives with me, hence no spare set of house keys.

Sad, sad, sad.