Life on the South Coast.

I heard her before I saw her.  Well, her music anyway.  And not just any music mind you – oh no, it was Cher.  Just Like Jesse James.  On full blast, her head shaking with the temerity of her singing.  I duck my head down, hurriedly cross the pedestrian walk and load my bags into the boot of the car before any more than the small crowd of people start staring at me and my unknown mother clad in Paris Hilton sunglasses and new hair colour.  Gawd, honestly – she always has to be the loudest most unconventional person around – I don’t know anyone else like her (except for me, obviously).

But then I get into the car and turn down the music sneakily, as she wraps her arms around me and with tears in her eyes kisses me all over.  “It’s only been 6 weeks mom,” I say in between kisses on my nose and squeezes of my cheeks.  “I know that,” she says while sniffing dramatically “but it just feels like so much longer, you’re already a year older than the last time I saw you.  And look at your skin – you’re glowing!”.  And that’s when I remember – she’s my mom.  All forty three years of her.  And I wouldn’t change her for the world.

Even if she forced me to go to church with her this morning and caused me to get the uncontrollable giggles and fire-and-brimstone stares from my childhood paster when I continued to giggle under the service sheet print outs.  God.  She fell asleep! In church! And then started humming on top of her voice to distract herself from konking out again – only it was so out of tune and so unexpected and I just collapsed.  Especially after we’d been nudging and winking at each other all morning over the 93 million year old happy-clappy on the other end of the aisle jumping around.  The old ducks cellphone started ringing half way through a prayer and she got such a fright she literally jumped out of her chair and caught herself just before she fell onto the floor. 

My mom’s new salon is amazing.  And she’s got so skinny! My mom’s becoming a MILF, dude. I better get cracking on my diet – can’t have her looking hotter than me, that’s just not on.  And Dazzy’s petshop is going to rock!  When he finally gets his A into G and gets up before 10am in the morning, and all his stock finally arrives.  He’ll be fine.  I’m so proud of them both – and I’m really impressed with the way they’re both handling their businesses.

Seeing the townsfolk was interesting.  Usually I fly in, drive down to the coast to see my family only plus a few select friends, I try not go anywhere too public on purpose because with me being gone so long, it generally turns into an inquisition on what I’m doing, when I’m getting married and how my daughter’s doing now*. Contrary to popular belief, I generally don’t like having to be the centre of attention when it comes to my past. I prefer being adored for who I am now.

Yeah, so I went to church.  I thought my mom was going to have her eyes pop out when I agreed.  For years I’ve brushed her off and refused to go unless someone was either getting buried or hitched.  I have to admit, I had a good time.  Even though the songs are so bloody long.  Also, I got to watch someone getting baptised.  What a beautiful ceremony for her.  Everyone was so moved by her conversion and even I felt my eyes start to liquidise at one point.

I think this whole relationshit thing is making me go soft or something.  Must remedy my toughness at once *kicks a puppy*.  Speaking of, I miss my boyfriend person.  I’ve had a lovely weekend, but I’m ready to go home now I won’t lie.  It’s amazing – I grew up here on the South Coast, and it will always be my childhood memory keeper, but it doesn’t feel like my home anymore.  I’ve grown up – when did this happen?!

I’d just like to add, though, that my mom is now sitting outside on the deck singing on top of her voice again – and no, she still doesn’t have the tone right.  I better go show her how its done.


* Most people forget she died.  They’ll never forget I was a teenager and pregnant though.  Sigh.

PS: start my new job of awesomeness tomorrow today on Monday the 14th officially.  Wish me luck 😉


  1. Angel says:

    Its weird how people never forget a teenage pregnancy! I still meet people YEARS don the line who expect to see a baby FFS!!
    I am glad you had fun Shebeeliciousness!

  2. Andy says:

    Dear are you sure yr Mom isn’t going to Moerr you for telling everyone how old she is! Dazz’s pet store is looking great! was there yesterday, and so glad your Mom is doing well!
    Lots of Love!

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