If you ask me, this scores an 11 out of 10 on my weird shit-o-meter

My country has had a few weird things happen in the past. Mandela was freed out of jail, apartheid was kicked out from under its ass, crime has hit all new heights, our health minister recons if you eat beetroot you will be cured of aids… I could go on for a while, but in order to make my point, just believe me that weird shit happens.

Recently, though, I’ve felt completely in awe by my surroundings:

  • Tsunami like waves ripped apart most of our beaches not 6 months ago. Now everytime its full moon the beaches fall down.
  • Freak storms bordering hurricanes and tornadoes which never happen here
  • Everyone is getting married all of a sudden. I am the only chic who isn’t, out of my entire circle of mates, about to pop a little human or tie the knot. People I don’t even know are getting married. Odd. Very odd.
  • Electricity gets cut off for four hours a day here lately. Apparently its everywhere else too, but I’m sure the vaalies are just covering up because I am sure they are stealing ours*.
  • The rain has also been odd. It pours down for three minutes, hard and fast, and then stops for ten. Then drizzles for five minutes and then the sun comes out like the rain was never there, only to start raining again 25 minutes later. Fucking annoying when I’m driving, and keep having to adjust the window wiper things.

Yesterday afternoon I had to fill up as my car was on low low petrol, so low that I wasn’t able to drive all the way home:

17.20 – arrive at petrol station

17.23 – petrol attendant comes over, grinning. ‘Eish, we hev no fool. The powa eet ees out’.

17.24 – Fuck. I can’t go home, so I have to stay here and wait for the power to come on.

17.25 – Am bored now. Check emails on phone. Nothing. Am unloved.

17.27 – Look around at other people sitting looking bored waiting for power for petrol. All cars are ugly – is this a poor thing, or a blonde ‘i forgot i had no petrol so came here at the last minute’ thing? In my case, a bit of both.

17.30 – Petrol attendants do the gumboot dance for us as a way of providing entertainment. I am loving it.

17.40 – New dude pulls up in fancy BMW. Shouts at attendant as if its his own fault the country has no electricity. Then looks over to me for back up with his eyebrows raised exhorbitantly high, I look the other way and sniff my disgust at his attitude.

17.45 – notice the woman next door resembles a very eccentric phsycic lady. Her shoes are enormous! BrickShoes starts rubbing crystals together and humming. She must have sensed my apprehension as she then asks me to join her in a mantra to bring back electricity. I decline politely.

17.50 – An old man with a broken leg and an eyepatch on his forehead tries to sell me wilted spinache.

17.55 – Desperate for a wee. Eyeballs are filling up.

17.58 – SMS Mom and tell her whats going on. Get a reply two minutes later: ‘Hahahahahaa! Shame love, do you want me to bring you a nappy?’ Cow.

18.05 – Psychic lady takes credit for electricity coming back on.

18.45 – Get stuck in driveway with car. Switch off car there and then and walk up to house.

18.50 – I get home, order pizza, light candles as the electricity is still not on here, have ice cold shower.

I am over this day completely. Trust me.

* Just kidding.