I bunked work yesterday.  Fair enough, I woke up feeling like Dead on toast.  But ultimately I needed to sleep in I think. Later on Cinderella and I got together and tore Durban apart.  Her car was broken into in the early hours of the morning, and so it gave us an excuse to go get the window fixed in town.  Holy god – let me tell you that middle of Durban central is like walking into a mixture of Pakistan, Siberia & one long flea market after the next. 


I purchased the following, all at different robots:


  • One funky pet.  Also known as a poor boy hat. In black, green and orange gingham print. Yes, as in Vernon Koekemoer fabric. Noice!
  • A shexy pair of sunnies, which I then proceeded to sit on.  Obviously I then needed to buy another pair*.
  • Curried Pineapple.  It’s a Durban thing.  For someone who doesn’t eat curry or fruit, I’ve become strangely addicted to Curried Pineapples.
  • An instruction on where to get my car washed.  Yes, this falls under the purchase list since the delightful little street rat at the intersection would only tell me if I paid him five rand.  I handed it over after I told him where to buy soap and a sponge once he’d pulled it out from his ass. 


* Which proved to be impossible because when I didn’t need sunglasses the Street Vendors were everywhere right up until I decided I did, in fact, need some.  Then they were all mysteriously fucking gone, weren’t they?


Last night saw me parked in front of my new latest toy.  I’ll give you a clue:  it is loud but silent.  It has a dangly bit and two knobby type things at the top end.  It can fit into two holes…


You’re thinking vibrator, right?  Wrong!  I have moved up in the world.  I have joined the elite and fantastically sophisticated human race.  I am now able to play with my new white phone while – get this: listening to music on full volume in my earlobes!  And no one can hear it and bitch at me. I cannot understand why I haven’t thought of this before.  It’s a brilliant invention, really.  I’ve been prancing around moving my shoulders, bobbing my head and shaking my hips to invisible music!


In boasting about my new toy to a mate, the conversation swerved a little bit and every word started with an ‘I’.  iTalk, iFlip, iDude, iSay… But then it got out of hand and we ended up giggling like gay lords with the following:


iLord – for the modern man who can’t wait until Armageddon

iPray – for those who don’t have time to think some up for themselves

iMo – for the Muslim who’s tired of Islamaphobia

iAm – for the Amish Man needing a direct answer on how to please his wives


Okay, enough.  Guess what?  It’s FRiiiiiiiiiiiiDAY!


I will leave with this parting shot:  iWork.


kadooosh!  ( <– drum bash)




  1. angel says:

    that curried pineapple burnt the crap out of me when we tried it with you on the beachfront!
    as for earphones… damien’s have to be surgically removed a couple of times a week! and isn’t music always invisible…?
    have a groovy weekend shebeeliciousness!!!

  2. shebee says:

    Glug – ils? wtf? are you on iDrugs?

    Mullet – Oooh shexy grandad! I have a thing for hats. My flatmate will testify.

    Chesticle – Eeew. I don’t do bunnies.


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