I have a plan.

It involves an axe, some rope & any MTN operator I can get my hands or voice on.

My 3g card hates me.  I opted for the top up option since I use the interwebs infrequently and sometimes need a no limit option for when I have a lot of online stuff to do and the data bundle finishes.  The problem with this is that when I load airtime on top of the bundle, I get charged R2 a megabite.

So, my first motive for wanting to kill an MTN human is due to the fact that I was informed that it is as easy as dialing 555 and opting to convert the airtime to a bundle, thereby paying considerably less per megabite.

Well the arrogant dog slappers lied!  There is no such option on their stupid bloody voice menu.  What’s worse is that I can’t even opt to talk to a human.  The MTN help option just re-informs you the menu options in a different manner much akin to teaching a twelve year old person with Downs Syndrome and no brain cells with even less common sense.  Why can’t they be as nice as Vodacom and give you the ‘press 0’ option to speak to an actual human operator?

My second motive for murder is the fact that every time I click ‘connect’ on the dimwitted modem menu, I get charged R1 whether the thing actually connects to the network or not.  That’s daylight flipping robbery, that is! How can they possibly charge me R1 for clicking something on my own screen with my own mouse and still have the audacity to not connect me to their crappy network?

Thirdly, I shall happily smack someone in the face for not allowing me access to the MTN network (which is costing me small fortune) between the hours of 17.00pm and 21.58pm.  Honest to gawd, I can never use the internet between these hours.  Why, do you think? I’ll tell you why:

Because on the other side of my modem, I can bet you there is some pimply faced teenage kid playing LAN games with other pimply faced teenage kids who are whacking off to porn in between WoW & coffee breaks, I swear.

I’m as angry as a homeless person who just found out his cardboard was pee’d on.  Serious. Mad, I am.


  1. leez says:

    If only it were that simple.

    You probably would get an option on th phone saying “press 1 if you would like to cause grievous bodily harm with an axe”, ” 2 if you’re delusional enough to believe we actually give a shit” or “3 if you intend to follow suit in the thousands before you and just give up, basically surrrendering your money to us…”

    It all goes back to service delivery. And how its non existent in this country.

  2. leez says:

    How did you guess? I’m onto tea at the moment. I’ve decided that I neeed to be a bit more healthy so I am not so susceptible to illness and idots. But I’ve kept the nicotine habit.

  3. shebee says:

    Gluggie – Haaaai! its about flipping time you graced me with your presence here. Holy hell, where’ve you been? Just cos your other half blogs daily doesn’t mean you get to slack off.


    Leez – I have one coffee a day, then tea for the rest of it. I would never give up smoking for the national securtiy & health risk of those around me.

    Did you get my email, mofo?

  4. leez says:

    Thats how it starts but my one cup isn’t just a cup; it a mini jusg so it defeats the purpose. So I’ve gone cold turkey but increased my daily intake of nicotine.

    Got it and tried to sort my shit out. Don’t know if it worked. will have to call IT guy and sell my soul.

  5. lordwiggly says:

    Yo, soz dint reply last night, was busy winning money at the poker table. Ja, MTN sux ass. I’ve been trying to renew my contract cos its just easier than porting to Vodacom, but not one shop can tell me what I will be paying each month for handset X or Y on contract Z. It really is pathetic.

  6. shebee says:

    Every time I click on your link I get shut down, but thats the builders fault here at work, not yours. Will tell you shortly if I get on or not.

    Dude. Buckets of coffee? Holy hell – how do you sleep?

    LW – Ya, mofo, I thought you didn’t love me anymore 🙁
    Just switch to vodacom, it is easier. Honest.

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