I have a confession to make and its not pretty.

Because I accidentally hijacked someone.

Because I accidentally hijacked someone.

I was given the above award yesterday.  Thanks Exmi, I’m very humbled.  Not.  But it sounds about the right thing to say when receiving an award.  Should I thank my fans and my producer now?  All jokes aside, thank you, because in giving me this award, you’ve encouraged me to over share some more, you’ve inspired something else.

There are few things I don’t blog about.  Yes, I’m pretty much open about most of my life, but believe it or not, there have been certain factors of it that have been left off this blog.  In over sharing, I’ve decided to come out of the closet.  To come clean.  To share with you something not many people know, unless you’ve met me in real life or have stalked my facebook photo albums (which isn’t hard, all you have to do is request a friendship).  I’ve decided to tell you about how one of the things I don’t blog about is my physical appearance.

“Oh but Sheen, we’ve seen photos of you already” I hear you all cry out loud, and you’d be correct.  But Photos are easily cropped, you see.  I don’t think I’ve ever put a full body picture on my blog.  Because I want to keep some semblance of privacy.  But also mostly because I hate my body.  I hate my chubby arms, for instance, or my wobbly tummy.  I especially hate my short legs and my freckly skin.  I don’t like the way my knees are, or the way my bum sort of just sits there.  I wish for so many things to be different about my physical appearance and I wish even more for some willpower to make a change.  But in saying this, I am not one of those people that hides behind baggy clothes and trench coats.  Oh no, quite the opposite.

I like to think I’m pretty confident in this life, I laugh loud, talk fast, make friends easily and enjoy being out and about.  I still find it amusing when men hit on me though.  I never feel like their compliments are sincere, which is sad.  I hate that there is this stigma attached to ‘fat’ people, that they’re undesirable.  It’s so wrong.  I would take being me over a skinny supermodel any day.  I would choose my arms over Madonna’s freakishly muscled ones in a second.  At the beat of a heart, I wouldn’t change my pregnancy scarred abdomen over Tara Reid’s botched up tummy tuck.  I would rather have my eyes over Cher’s sunken in ones.

I like that I am physically imperfect.  I like that there’s a part of me I am not happy with, it gives me incentive to try harder.  There are only so many things one can be good at, but being skinny is not one of my fortes, and I’m totally okay with that.  I just wish I wasn’t this totally okay with it.  So, for my next birthday, I don’t want to put up a list of items I want, but I will ask for some will power.  Will power to not make myself a skinny malinky, but maybe to become a bit healthier.  A bit more weight conscious than I’m not right now.

So there.  Today, on this blog, for the first time ever, I am coming out of the closet as a chubby.  I hope I haven’t dashed too many fantasies.  I hope you’ll still love me and think me fabulously awesome and beautiful and charming and witty, because I am.  I’m just not as perfect as I make out to be most of the time.

17 comments

  1. Amy says:

    A course we still think your bee-u-ti-ful! I know its cliche, but beauty is both on the inside and in the eye of the beholder and from we’re i sit your damn gorgeous!

    Plus, think of it this way – if you were to lose a tonne of weight it woudnt just go from your bum, belly and thighs. You’d lose those boobies all us relatively flat chested girls are so jealous of! I’ve lost rough 18 kgs since heigh school and the first thing to go were my boobs – so, so sad…

  2. ExMi says:

    yay! i *love* this overshare….

    and i know exactly what a post-pregnancy body looks like. luckily there are guys out there who find it attractive, and luckily it doesn’t make one less of a beautiful person!

    so thanks for your overshare.

    love,

    your also-chubby blogger friend,
    ExMi

  3. ExMi says:

    furthermore, please note the time of the comments.

    i am not finished my exam, but officially fucking tired, yo.

    must persist nevertheless, but wanted to take some time out to agree with, and validate, your overshare.

  4. cath says:

    Dude. I lived with you and i still have eyes you overreacting moron.

    Look, as long as they’re not full frontal nudist shots i think we have nothing to worry about

    They’re not, are they?

    =)

  5. Goblin says:

    Madonnas arms…*shudder*

    Please, if you ever find this mythical creature named will power, never let it take you that far.

    And erm…if you find him…pass him on to me.

  6. B says:

    Oh puhlease .. you don’t know what fat is.. I once watched a show and.. oh never mind.. just look here!!

    Now that’s fat!!..

    I prefer to think of myself as being just a big girl..

    😉

  7. candles says:

    sweetHEART! I am happy to tell the world that I have hugged you, in the flesh! and you are lovely. you wear your body so well, and it fits you perfectly. if ever there was a girl that had a light shining from inside of her, it is you.

  8. Andre says:

    Hmm…So, let’s say hypothetically, say I (we*) could wave a wand, and you were suddenly ‘physically perfect’, in your own judgement. What would you have that would make me (us) like/care for/love/respect you more/more completely/more perfectly?

    Uh… Nothing.

    See, the reasons I (we) really like/care for/love/respect you, is because you’re smart, sassy, kind, generous, confident, interesting, honest and open.
    Also. You’re cute, red-headed, and you have a great rack.
    (Whaaaaat??? It’s true!! There are pictures!)

    I guess what I’m saying is, if you want support to make changes for you, for your own happiness, you will have it. Won’t make me (us) like/care for/love/respect you more/more completely/more perfectly, though.

    I (we) think you’re pretty much perfect already, lady.

    * Yes, I speak for the many. It’s a thing I do, k? :))

  9. justBcoz says:

    Your Beeness,
    I TOTALLY get where you are coming from. Totally. I just wish I could feel as secure in my imperfection as you do. That’s a lesson for me to learn right there.

    @Cath – AGREE!! Madonna’s arms float my boat =)

    @B … Urgh, that just made me wanna barf. That’s ‘ORRIBLE!

    @Andre … seriously … words fail me!! I am blown away by that response. See? There I gooooo …

  10. Po says:

    Ah Shebee, it is people like you who are confident in themselves who are major role models to people like me who had eating disorders from an early age and wasted years worrying about pathetic neurotic trivial things. It is people like you who give me hope that there is more to life than that crap!

  11. Sunrise says:

    You have the right outlook, does anybody feel 100% comfortable with themselves…?

    I am going to digress slightly, but this just popped into my head, I heard someone say this, in front of a reserved family, they shat themselves, i laughed my tits off: “show me the most beautiful girl in the world and i will show you a guy who is tired of screwing her”, its not the beauty that is lasting, its the persoanilty, beuaty is attraction and only last for so long, as Pharo says, there is a “lid for every pot”.

  12. A P Noble says:

    Shebeen, I recently wrote a dispatch to my electric interweb thingy in a similar vein. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being chubby. As long as you are independent, free-spirited and selective with your favours (as far as men are concerned) you will always succeed in life. Good on you I say!

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