How to not date:

How to not date:

1.    Please, for the love of all that is good and holy, do not write ‘I like it dirty’ on the back of The Date’s car (equally as filthy as yours) at a carwash.  It will only cause your cheeks to flush when he teases you nonstop for the duration of the date.

2.    If you gracefully trip over a loose brick in the park’s paved pathway, after a delightful picnic, telling the brick to go and “fuck itself” is probably not the best demonstration of femininity. This becomes clear once you look over to The Date and his eyes are pretending to not be large and a little amazed at your prowess and command of the language which would shame most sailors, and their mothers.

3.    Do not answer a compliment of how good you look in those jeans with ‘thanks, but you should see how unshaven my legs are and you’d know why I wore them’.

4.    When The Date arrives at your front door after only two hours of being separated by previous day date, preferably you should not have your dads checkered and holey grey pj’s on.

5.    If The Date decides that joining you at your house to support your friend who is on TV instead of drinking beer with his friends, you should not greet him in the foyer by saying, “what, did you come back with chloroform this time?”.

6.    When lying on the bed after six hours watching TV, contrary to popular belief “I am pretty impressed. You haven’t let your hands roam or anything” is not the best way of complimenting one’s gentlemanship.

7.    Equally, his earlobe for choice of complimentation is probably one of the most random body parts and will only leave The Date bewildered and confused after you bite your tongue and look at the ceiling fan.

There should be a guide book or something of how to behave on these things.  Oh wait, there is.  It’s called Cosmo.  Pity I always choose FHM instead.

Amazingly, he wants to see me again. I actually wouldn’t mind it that much 🙂

16 comments

  1. SwissTwist says:

    my dear angel. the earlobe nibbling is what got him to call again… trust me… I think it has a direct link to err… you know where!

    Love No5!!! You are a master!

  2. esvl says:

    ” If you gracefully trip over a loose brick in the park’s paved pathway, after a delightful picnic, telling the brick to go and “fuck itself” is probably not the best demonstration of femininity. This becomes clear once you look over to The Date and his eyes are pretending to not be large and a little amazed at your prowess and command of the language which would shame most sailors, and their mothers.”

    Hehehe.

  3. Stew says:

    Man. I wish I was younger and on the same continent as you. I’d show you how to royally fsck up a date. I have no peers in that department.

  4. SwissTwist says:

    huh? what did I say?? sorry.. makes no sense..

    “I meant to breathlessly whisper those kind compliments into his ear lingering around the earlobe” or summing.. sigh, just ignore me.. I’m happy you had a good time and well, didn’t punch him or even need to!

  5. Mullet says:

    I died at the “what, did you come back with chloroform this time?”

    If it means anything, if I was the guy I would have laughed big time at that.

    But the shaved legs comment…ouch 🙂

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