How to create a family chaos in ten easy steps:

1.  Update your Facebook status:
“SheBee is hanging out on the couch with her blister and her fiance”.

2.  Watch in horror
As your cousin Kelly (and numerous others) instantly comment on the status feed.

3.  Be prepared
For “what-the-fuck’s, who-is-the-lucky-man’s, when-did-you-get-a-boyfriend’s and how-much-did-you-pay-him-to-pop-the-question’s.

4.  Reply with disgust:
Marriage is for quitters and that the word ‘blister’ refers to your sister and HER fiance.

5.  Realize that you’re too late as your mother screams down the phone not a second after you’ve answered her call:
“No mom, jesus – I am not pregnant!” you reply in a calm manner.

5.  Attempt to, in your utmost effort’s best, explain where the misconception came about:
“Oh my god, the baby’s name will not be fucking Lawrence if its a boy, I don’t care that its a family name.  Wait, I am not even pregnant!  Mother! Please, for the love of Winston Churchill, will you PLEASE calm down.  Kill the whooping, I didn’t say yes to anything!  We’ve been dating for a few weeks for god’s sake, I AM NOT ENGAGED!

6.  Not having much luck:
“Yes, I will tell him that Kev demands two cows and a chicken for Labola…”

7.  Call cousin Kelly to ensure confirmation that it was just a misunderstanding.
“You stupid whore, look what you’ve done!”

8. Reassure your mother of your intentions of not being a lesbian with commitment issues:
Yes, we’re still dating, Mom.  Of course you would be the first person to know if I ever chose to marry.  Could I at least shtup this poor oke before you hound me about marriage? No, I don’t know if he has “a big willy”.

9.  Finally starting to get closer to clearing the air:
*Sigh* I promise to tell you when I shtup him.  Okay Mom, I love you too”.

10.  Update your Facebook status:
“SheBee wishes to clarify that she is not fucking engaged. Morons!”


  1. cath says:


    Your mom = my mom = same person, I swear.

    “Oh Hi, new person attached to Cath. So, Hows your sex life?”


  2. Amy says:

    Ah, the hilarity that can ensue when people your related to actually HAVE Facebook… here’s to keeping my parents technology free!

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