How to be a plane passenger in SA

transportation_plane

  1. Don’t buy a magazine. Save money and read over the shoulder of your plane neighbour. They LOVE it.
  2. As your plane neighbour takes a first bite into their food, ask them if they’re gonna finish it and look longingly at the food
  3. Save some space for your hand luggage and sit on your neighbour’s lap. They shouldn’t mind.
  4. Everyone understands the importance of stretching one’s muscles, especially in the cramped compartments they like to call the aisle seat. By all means, feel free to do your yoga. Ten extra points if you do it while the drinks trolley is coming up
  5. When ordering drinks, make sure you ask for extra ice as the trolley dolly is moving on to the next row.
  6. Send your food back twice, once to say its not hot enough, a second time to ask for a cooler meal
  7. Make yourself at home, pull out a full sized bedroom pillow to nap on. Do this especially if you’re in the middle seat, that way you have two neighbours to rest your bits on
  8. Make sure your iPad game is on full volume so all interested parties can hear when your angry bird hits the sweet spot and cheers in victory
  9. If you’re traveling with a loved one, now is the absolute best time to bring up the night before when you caught him/her chatting up the floozy at the bar.
  10. What would an airplane post be without a mention of the mile high club. Toilets are so completely last decade. And not to mention unhygienic too, so pop a jacket over your hands while you fondle each other publicly. It’s great that you cleared the air about the night before and have now made up. It’s not like broad daylight allows for too much visual capacity anyway.
  11. Pay careful attention to the new in-flight over-the-speakers advertising announcements performed by the flight attendants. For instance, did you know that you can now earn air miles for BA just for buying a house through Lew Geffen?  Totes amaze, I know.

*based on a few of the many domestic flights I’ve been fortunate enough to have been exposed to lately

6 comments

  1. Cath says:

    You forgot – If you are prone to flatulence, make sure the airline has allocated you your all-important middle seat, so that you can annihilate two people at a time with your gas.

  2. Lize says:

    Hahaha. Also remember to eat as much garlic as possible the night before your flight to ensure that your neighbour’s germs don’t stand a chance (this also ensures use of both arm rests).

  3. Angel says:

    I have one to add to your list!
    When you fly with your toddler, let the kid sleep on your lap, and make sure you position your arm so the kid is across the armrest and technically on the lap of the person next to you as well.
    And then when they serve a snack or coffee or anything, use the fold down table of the person next to you ‘coz your kid is in the way of your own table.

  4. Angel says:

    I just had a thought that made me gasp and giggle at the same time – have Cath and Sheena ever flown… TOGETHER!? On the same plane?!

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