Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.

Know what that means?  It’s “The Fear of Long Words”.  I mean, why not kick a man when he’s down, right?  The dude is already scared of big words (snigger – what a pussy) but that’s not enough, oh no – the English lords had to taunt him further by giving his one of the longest, most unpronounceable terms in the history of ever.  Just because they thought it would be funny*.  Assholes.

Went into the pharmacy the other day, for a friend, to pick up a pregnancy test.  With a queue of old ducks behind me, I whispered to the chickie behind the counter to please fetch me one of those home kits.  Of course nature would have it that she had to repeat what I’d asked for, on the top of her voice.  Dying, I look over my shoulder to see the coffin dodger behind me scowling, trying to make out if there was a ring on my finger. “Look, Mrs, its not for me okay, its for my friend” I declare. 

Just as I turn back to the front, the pharmacist comes forward with the foul object to be purchased in hand.  Now, a) when did these okes start getting so godamned young?,  and b) so fucking good looking? Awkward… Once he reached his final destination, in front of me, he raises his head in time with his hand holding the pregnancy test and clears his throat: “Right, now, this particular brand is what I like to call “mid-stream” okay, which means that you need to sit on the toilet, let yourself release for a few seconds and only then stick the stick under the strea-” “WAIT! IT’S NOT FOR ME! IT WON’T BE MY WEE! I DON’T HAVE SEX! WITH ANYONE!” I hastily interrupt him only to recieve a cynical frown in response and his eyes practically screaming “Yeah, suuuuuuure it’s not for you, skanky ho, I totally believe you, NOT!”.  Eventually the stupid good looking pharmacist ends his personal brand of torture by handing the cashier the pregnancy test and mumbling about why young women should really learn a bit more about safe sexual intercourse.  Fuck me, I wanted to die.   

The worst part?  The stick was a dud! My mate had no result – so guess who had to go right back into the chemist and ask for another brand?  I took three, just in case.  I wasn’t risking having to go back to that place again – I’d rather have invited maggots to happily settle under my eyelids before going back to that judging pharmacist again in one day.

So that’s what I have to say about THAT!

Am going on a biking camping trip with my brothers and their mates this weekend.  It’s tradition.  We go every year – its the one weekend dedicated to all the siblings (minus Ash-bash in Oz**) where we just chill, freeze our asses off and catch up on whats going on in each others lives.  I’m really looking forward to getting off the farm and out of Phlegmteng for a weekend.  My mate John and I are driving up to Durbs early Friday morning (good god – he wants me out of bed and ready at 5am, is this possible even?) and driving back late Sunday afternoon – what fun!  I love road trips!

 

* Look, I giggled like hell about it, so maybe it’s just me.

** Soon to be rectified – have I told you yet?  My dad and step momma have decided they’re done in Australia and are immigrating back home to SA!  Best part?  My little sis has decided she’s going to move near me! October cannot come soon enough, I’m so deathly excited to have my whole family back on one continent 😀

10 comments

  1. The Jackson Files says:

    ha. i LOVE buying pregnancy tests – for me and for any of my friends. i strut around all like: look at me i could be creating LIFE in my womb. jealous????
    i guess my point is, if you ever have any “friends” that need pregnancy tests again, i’d be happy to oblige.
    enjoy your weekend, lady.

  2. Shebee says:

    Rebecca, sigh… I’ll be sure to let my friend know, shot.

    Enjoy your weekend too dude – we should hook up when I get back, I’m dying to meet you in person, what with us having one times bff in common.

  3. acidicice says:

    Weird…I used to be embarassed about buying pregnancy tests (even after I got married)…what is with the shame?! I don’t understand!

    Other than that…WTF with the pharmacist (hot or not) making comments like that? Pffft.

    I can’t aim when I pee anyway…so midstream test or whatever don’t work. I do my best to catch some in a foam cup and stick test in there. I can’t pee on an object for 10 seconds. I’m not that good.

  4. ExMi says:

    it’s true. thejacksonfiles does like buying pregnancy tests for…ahem….friends.

    i’m not saying how i know this, i just know this.

  5. Angel says:

    Darling Shebeeliciousness, you can buy as many pregnancy tests off the shelf in a Clicks or a Dischem without having to talk to anybody!
    Needless to say I giggled my ass off.

  6. Amy says:

    Whats up with having to ask at the counter for a pregnancy test ? Here in good old Oz ( even if your peeps are leaving us, we’re still good! ) you can just take one off the shelf for yourself. Hell you can even look at all the brands and decide which one is best for you… or your friend. Whatever.

    Also, cute pharmacist sounds like a total asshat.

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