Grumpalump.

grumpy-cat-spring

One of my resolves in redoing my blog was that I wanted to get back to posting honestly, authentically and truthfully, specifically about what parenting is like for me. That means that I can’t just write about the rosy, happy, good things. So here goes.

I’m not sure what it is about being parents that has made Jon and I fight more, but it’s what’s happened. Before Aiden, if we argued once every few months it was a lot. Since Aiden, we argue almost weekly. And it’s not just small disagreements, it’s the full on walk-past-each-other-in-the-passage-with-eyes-scowled-and-lips-pursed fighting. It’s the leave-for-work-without-saying-goodbye fighting. It’s the 3am WHY-ARE-YOU-WATCHING-PACIFIC-RIM-AT-TOP-FUCKING-VOLUME fighting. It’s the eye rolling, foot stomping, big breath taking, major sighing, hand flipping kind of fighting, which is not like us at all. We’re a team, a partnership, a force to be reckoned with, except we’re just reckoning with each other at the moment, and it seems like it’s never ending.

I’ve mentioned before the kind of new found anger one gets just after having a baby. But apparently this does not just happen to the moms, it affects the dads too. Because as much as I’d love to say it’s all me (Hah – “love to say” – whatever, who loves to admit they’re ever wrong?  Not me, that’s who.) it’s definitely not all me. It’s mostly Jon. Just kidding. It’s both of us. Both of us are horribly grumpy, all the time. Probably because we’re both horribly tired – all. the. time. Aiden gave us the sweetest taste of sleeping through for a month, and now he’s back to waking up every 90 minutes. EVERY NINETY MINUTES. And even though we take turns to have alternate nights off with the other parent doing the parenting, we’re both still exhausted. Which means we’re both grumpy and emotional and defensive and over-sensitive. We’ll be perfectly fine one minute and perfectly pissed off the next.

I can’t speak for Jon but for me, my fuse is shorter than ever. The littlest things bite me and I have zero control in how I react sometimes, to the point that I’m actually wondering if it could be my contraceptive pill. Or the moon. Or hormones. Or the devil. Because something has to give. One of us has to give. One of us needs to be more patient. One of us needs to be kinder, more understanding, less presumptuous. The problem is that in the moment, we’re both convinced it’s the other person.

And the thing is, I know that if we were just less tired, it would be better. We’d be able to communicate in full sentences again, sentences that made sense, were thought out, didn’t offend and didn’t hurt. We’d be able to explain ourselves better so that things weren’t taken out of context or blown out of proportion.

I’m not sure what to do here, short of drugging our child to sleep more at night time so mom and dad can love each other again. Juuuuuuuuust kidding. Kinda.

Parenting is hard, yo.

 

PS: before anyone wonders how I dare write about my husband and I like this, I posted this with Jon’s permission. We have an understanding that I have total carte blanche on writing about our life together, as long as I never write anything that he’d find out about by reading my blog first. 

13 comments

  1. StevenMcD says:

    Jip, Jip, Jip, Jip, Jip, Jip.

    Same happened with Lana and I. Dated for 5 years and almost no fights and arguments until Tae was born. Thank you for posting this, makes us feel normal 😀

    • Shebee says:

      Yay I’m so glad we’re not alone! It’s worrying us a lot, we even went out for a breakfast yesterday to chat about how we can communicate better to try and avoid these stupid spats. Does it get better? Please say yes.

      • StevenMcD says:

        Yes it does. Provided you both work on it and talk 🙂

        A number of people have recommended this workshop to me but we haven’t worked through it yet. I’ve glanced over some posts about it. Maybe worth watching it together in small bursts.

  2. StevenMcD says:

    This is also the reason that if I ever hear anyone say “We want to have a baby to save our relationship” I will punch them. Hard. Very hard.

    • Shebee says:

      I think we’re sorted after yesterday’s breakfast. We’re both aware of it now and will try harder at communicating better (and not watching Pacific Rim at 3AM).

    • Shebee says:

      Ja no, not even that helped. Fun as it was 😉
      I think we’re sorted after yesterday’s breakfast. We’re both aware of it now and will try harder at communicating better (and not watching Pacific Rim at 3AM).

  3. Ankia says:

    Perfectly normal. Luckily they grow up and more sleep is had by all. The dreaded “this too shall pass” comes to mind Also – this is why I don’t get the “bandaid baby” concept…

  4. Angel says:

    I know it will get better – once you start getting a little more sleep of course, but also because you are both aware of it and actually talking about it – to each other! If there was no communication apart from the fighting, you’d be fucked.

  5. amy says:

    Everyone fights and it’s totally normal and when everyone is tired it’s never going to work
    But the best advice I can give is get a bit of help. Sometimes u have to put aside the cost for a.little normality.
    A date night. a movie. A.cocktail
    leave the baba with help ( a nanny a Granny a friend) and.go out.
    Also make sure u both of u time! We all need.space time.to breathe and time.to just catch our breathe and says it’s.going.to be OK. Cos most.of.the time.it.always is.
    I remember when I had my first at some point when we got a bit.of help we were so relieved that when we got home a little early from.a movie we sat an extra half an hour in the car in silence just to enjoy a little bit extra “us”time.. Make space for u together and make sure u have some.tome.on ur own!!

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