Gloria

I’d like to introduce a new character to this blog.  Meet Gloria:

Looks like this but usually has a bigger smile.

When Gloria arrived this morning, I asked her very nicely what she thought happened to the tumble dryer since it now refuses to actually do anything.

Me: So Glor, over the weekend I decided to wash clothes but then the tumble dryer didn’t work, so I gave up halfway.  Do you know what happened to the tumbledryer by any chance?  Any idea?

Gloria: Eish.  This* tumblydry?  You broke him?

Me: No, I didn’t break him ‘it’.  I didn’t break it.

Gloria: Who broke him?

Me: That’s what I’m trying to find out!

Gloria: Please buy for me Handy And.

[Apparently Gloria has no use for the ‘y’.  Clearly it’s handy enough without it.]

Me: Handy And.? Okay.  But what about the tumble dryer?

Gloria: Yes.

Me: Yes? Did you break it by accident?

Gloria: No.  She wasn’t me. Handy And. and wash powd too, okay?

Me: BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TUMBLE DRYER THOUGH?

Gloria: Eish, I’m not use for long time.  Maybe he’s tyad. Handy And., wash powd, and some few more cloth.

====

So there you go.  Meet the woman who might very possibly be the fucking death of me.

I give up.

*As opposed to the ten other tumble dryers we have at home, I suppose.

17 comments

  1. Laura says:

    I have Mary!

    I cant live with her but I cant live without her! I am STILL trying to locate items that were perfectly placed (on my table, next to my bed) that she felt needed to be hidden away somewhere!

    And thanks to her I had to wade through our BIG outside rubbish bin to rescue silkworms she threw away after we TOLD her not to touch the box!

    AND the ironing 2 weeks ago was too much so what does she do? Puts ALL the clean clothes she doesnt have time to iron back into the DIRTY washing so I wont notice!

  2. BiancaW says:

    We ALSO have a Gloira – but she is MUCH spunkier than that. Shops at Truworths and everything.

    🙂 🙂 🙂

    Good LUCK!!

  3. Shebee says:

    Guys, you will not BELIEVE what she did yesterday! I got home to find that she’d rearranged EVERYTHING in the bathrooms and bedrooms. I spent the whole weekend doing that shit, and she changed it all around! I was so mad I cried.

    On top of that, she decided to put all of our books into the bathroom, next to the toilet. I swear to god.

    AAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHH!

  4. Toadburger says:

    I have a Maria. This morning, she actually washed the lid of the luncbox I was using to make my lunch, WHILE I WAS MAKING MY LUNCH!! Then she wiped the cabinet, all around the book lying on it. MOVE THE FRIGGEN BOOK! She never throws anything away and even takes things out of the dustbin that I’m trying to throw out. And I can’t find any of the clothes she was supposed to wash, because apparently my logical system is too difficult for her and she just packs the clothes wherever she feels like. She drives me absolutely crazy! Good luck!

  5. Pielietjies says:

    absolute gold!

    reminds me of my sister’s maid, Vivian.

    My sister went on holiday and left my brother in law to make sure Vivian had enough to keep her busy around the house.

    Now my brother in law is a building contractor and a slave driver.

    He was not made to instruct a maid around the house, he is used to getting people to build soccer stadiums and shopping mallls.

    When my sister returned, she found Vivian at her wits end and the house in an order that you could perform open heart surgery in any of the rooms and eat off the floors.

    With that Vivian needed immediate leave, a week later her husband phoned my sister to tell her that “Vivian wont be coming back to work this year”

  6. Angel says:

    Holy crap Sheebs, I got a fright just looking at her!!! Hells bells! She must be a hundred and ten if she’s a day!!!
    I feel your pain girl. I feel your pain.
    My maid also rearranges everything, takes things out of the bin when I want to toss them, doesn’t put things into the bin that should be and she burns my clothes!!! She also doesn’t tell me when she’s broken something!

    Its infuriating!

    But I can’t live without a maid. And the one we have now actually knows where everything goes…

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