Gloria on missing money.

A few weeks ago I noticed that R700 had gone missing from my jewelry box at home.  It was there on the Sunday, and then gone on Wednesday morning.  Gloria comes on Tuesdays, which is the only time in the week that there was anyone else in our house.  Now, I’ll admit it, I was the first to jump to conclusions and assume she’d stolen the money.  In fact, Jon and I had a bit of an argument about it, because damnit, WHO ELSE COULD IT HAVE BEEN?!

Anyway, I seethed and seethed for about a week and because of the hours Jon and I work, I just didn’t get a chance to speak to Gloria about it.  Until this week.  Jon and I agreed that we would not accuse her, but instead ask her if she’d seen the money at all and to try help us look for it in the hopes that it would mysteriously reappear, but to no avail.

I arrived home early and walked into the house which was wide open and unlocked, and freezing.  It’d been snowing just up the road, so you can only imagine just how cold it was inside the house now that all the doors and windows were open with the air gaily flowing in and about.  Our cats had decided it was warmer inside the duvet cover of my bed, and I only realised this because when I came in, I went straight to the bedroom and flung myself on the bed in frustration… right on top of Pixel who screeched like a girl being murdered.

Having closed up the house, put on the heated bed blankets and called for Gloria a few times, I made peace with the fact that she’d skipped town and found a new job (one can only wish!) so I stripped down to my undies, put on Jon’s big hoodie, some socks and slippers and skipped through to the kitchen to make some tea.  As I bent over into the pantry in search of more sugar, Gloria bounded in through the front door, crashing over the Welcome tea table at the entrance and stopped dead in her tracks when she was met by the unsightly scene of my bent over body, ass in the air, and me looking at her upside down through my legs, stopped midway to grabbing the sugar.

“Hello Glo, how are yo–” was interrupted with “Sheentjie, WHY YOU ARE HOME NOW? HOW LONG YOU WAS HERE? Me, I’m just come from Mirium at no. 7, he needed help with the washing”. I explained that I wanted to talk to her about some things and ignored the fact that in the time that we pay for, she’d been “helping” some other domestic with their job instead of doing her own.  Just this weekend Jon and I photographed spider webs so big and scary behind our bedroom trellidoor that you would not believe, it’s not like there isn’t shit to do in our house. I offered Gloria some tea which she quickly accepted, pulled up a chair and sat on the other end of the kitchen counter while I started dusting the things on the kitchen counter and explaining about the money.  As soon as I mentioned the fact that it was R700 in cash, all hope was lost.


Me: Yes, well, remember when I won the hifi?  We won the money at the same time.

Gloria: Yoh, yoh, yoh, God she is love you very much.  Very, very, much.

Me: Yes, thanks. But about the money now–


Me: Glo, please, I’m trying to tell you I don’t have the money anymore.  It’s not there in the box.  It’s gone.


Me: Nothing! It was there on Sunday and then on Wednesday morning it wasn’t!

Gloria: Hauw.  Maybe she is Jonathan.

Me: Nope, no, definitely not Jon, I did ask him.

With this going on back and forth I had started repacking the shelves and cleaning out the dishwasher while she sat and sipped her tea and spouted all sorts of scenarios as to where the money could have gone.  Such as the gardeners possibly taking it, the cats eating it (swear to God, she said this) or maybe it was me who just didn’t remember spending the money (I didn’t spend it, trust me) or maybe it was in my car (the money never left the bedroom.  I specifically didn’t touch it for weeks and kind of forgot about it on purpose in order to not spend it).  She then went on to accuse the complex security guards, and then the riffraff that the guards let in on a regular basis and hell, she pretty much blamed every other human in existence besides Colonel Mustard in the Billiard Room with the Candlestick.

Needless to say, I gave her the opportunity to own up, she didn’t.  She did point out (many, many) other disturbing incidences of theft going on in the complex which has me a little nervous which could also be the reason for the money disappearing, but I’m just not sure.

Aside from the fact that I am now nervous as hell because Gloria thinks the Chinese people a few units down are sex slave drivers, the Indians across the circle are hose-pipe thieves and the old lady in front of us is a spy who “STANDS BEHIND THE CURT’ LOOKING, LOOKING, LOOKING ALL DAY LONG AT THE BLACK PEOPLES” I have to assume the money grew legs, leaped out of the jewelry box on its own, fell onto the floor and landed into an invisible vortex somewhere behind the dressing table.



PS: For those wondering, we cannot fire her.  She’s been with Jon for years and years, is old and has no new prospects and should be retiring soon.  I know we’re being suckered into keeping her.  I know that we have a right to get rid of her after everything she does and does not do, but Jon and I are softies.  And also, as one of this blog’s readers pointed out to me last night (Shout out to Wendy!), Gloria really does make great blog fodder.


  1. Gina says:

    Whahahahahahaha! Gloria posts make my day!
    Sorry about the money, maybe it will now make a mysterious re-appearance *crosses all my bits*

  2. Tanya says:

    OMG! Sheena!
    a few things:
    WHY do you offer your maid tea!?
    HOW can you put up with her!
    WHY were u practically nekkid on the coldest day of the year!
    MAYBE you should tell her you have installed hidden cameras in all the rooms to catch the thieving security guards/hungry cats etc in the act of taking your stuff…

  3. Cam says:

    Sheebs, friends had a laptop stolen from their house… no break in, no nada… fired the maid as it could have only been ‘her’! Turns out builders were using the pool pole to grab things in the house… only realised when their neighbor saw a pool net bobbing up and down in they’re living room! Maid now re-employed, with a brand new handbag and an apology!

  4. CC says:

    hmmm well you can’t prove it was her but 95% chance it was. I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving her alone in the house, and did you reprimand her for leaving the house open????????? I remember seeing a pic of her in one of your posts, okay this is superficial, but ewwwww, lol I cant remember now was it really a pic of her, she looks terrible man, not that that matters for anything but just mentioning it now, ewwwies. So anyways, if she only comes one day a week she works other places on the other days? so maybe she can get by without her Tuesday slot? oh well, just keep a look out for anything else missing and if it happens again dont be a softie.

    It’s always so awkward dealing with these things :/

    this post reminded me of Bridget Jones.

  5. BiancaW says:

    Ah – precious Gloria. We have not heard about her in a while.

    Fokkit dude – dont they just drive you insane!

    My Gloria is also driving me batty – but she has a young kid in shcool and I just dont have the heart to do anything about it.

    Not helped by the fact that she is the same age as me – so giving her a task to do just feels wong. I kind of sit there and hope that I can get my message accross via mental telepathy.

    I think the “camera” in every room is a very good idea.

  6. D says:

    Am I the only one that finds this post disgustingly offensive? The condescending accent description. And the comments too “fokkit dude – dont THEY just drive you insane” (my emphasis). It’s 2011 people, yet this little discussion comes across as a white suburban story circa 1985. Yes, maids undoubtedly do steal, and the temptation must be higher when your pay is so low that R700 seems like a huge amount. But the ladies that clean our houses for the price of a budget restaurant meal are normally honest people, working at a menial job to get by – and you should be very, very sure before you accuse someone in that position of theft.

    Maybe next year’s birthday post could add an item on empathy for those less fortunate…

  7. Shebee says:

    Hi D, thanks for your comment. Look, if you knew me better as a blogger, you’d see where a lot of what you deem offensive is not intended. Gloria has a history on this blog, and I’m sure most people agree that this is not a racial slurring match, it’s one employers frustration with an employee – an occurrence that happens no matter what social class, industry or race a person subscribes to.

    I don’t feel I need to defend myself with you regarding treatment of Gloria, I know that I treat her better than most employees their staff, but for the record, if you read my post again, I’d really like you to point out exactly where I “accused her”.

  8. D says:

    Hi. You don’t admittedly accuse her, but the implication is very strong, and the discussion is from an all-white group in a country where the people in menial jobs are almost exclusively black as a result of a really screwed up history just isn’t funny. The general representation of maids as an utterly different and exasperating class, and the PS in which you casually mention firing as if it were a reasonable option to be considered doesn’t sit well with me. No matter how well you might treat Gloria, this casual approach to maid’s life and livelihood in a popular and widely read blog isn’t cool.

    I do understand that the blog post is intended as humorous, and although I don’t follow your blog I did take the trouble to skim over some of your other posts. I’m impressed that you responded rather than just hit delete, but I’d suggest you reread your post from the viewpoint of a maid earning R500-R1000 a week, and probably spuriously accused of theft previously when items went missing, and reassess whether you still think it’s amusing.

    For the record, I’m not hugely political – but the post and comments really upset me – I really thought we’d moved WAAAAAY past this kind of stuff.

    I’ve made my point – if you’re sure I’m wrong about the post, please do delete my comments.

  9. Shebee says:

    I don’t generally believe in deleting comments that aren’t spam. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

    Again, I feel that if you knew me better as a blogger you would not be this offended. Skimming a few blog posts doesn’t entitle you to imply that I am a racist. Assuming all of the people commenting here are white is just that, an assumption, and an incorrect one at that.

    I’m not going to go on and on about this as I can see from your last comment you’re done, but it’s only fair for me to state my case: with regards to the PS in the post; in previous blog posts the general response I’ve received is “Just fire her!”, and this was my way of not inviting that kind of response again. As I say above – it’s not an option. She’s old and has nowhere to go. We get that. In my humorous attempt (which clearly was lost on yourself, but that’s okay) I was trying to say that I’m bitching because I feel sorry for her and I’m frustrated. In my disclaimer I was telling the people who usually respond with “WHY DON’T YOU FIRRRREEEE HEEEEER?!?!?!” that I don’t want to get into that discussion with them.

    Basically, I’m not disregarding Gloria’s livelihood, I’m taking it into consideration.


  10. D says:

    Apart from your and you readers’ soft-heartedness keeping maids in their jobs, perhaps this would be a good time to point out that there’s this other thing relating to basic human rights that means that people can’t just be fired without due process:

    It applies to maids too. Imagine if someone in your workplace suggested that you were stealing but without any proof. Even if they made a joke of it, it wouldn’t be very pleasant, would it?

    Thank you for at least considering my viewpoint even if you disagree. Over and out. Really.

  11. D says:

    Oh FFS! Sorry, my emphasis came out all wrong. Mainly I asked you to put yourself in her shoes and imagine what even a suggestion of stealing must feel like if you didn’t actually do it.

    Likewise – imagine you were you, but working as a maid, in the scenarios you describe in You don’t break shit at home or have days that are just a cock up?

    I’m very aware that I’m getting irritating – this was really just a sincere plea to think about what it’s like to actually BE a maid in these situations. When I did that, suddenly your posts weren’t funny at all…

  12. Brad says:

    Hey Shebee!!!

    Me thinks D needs to remove carrot from rectum and re-read again! Its not slating, not implication or anything at all like that. Time to remove the bunny loving, tree hugging, rose tinted spectacles and realize MOST of this blog is about finding humour in situations, not a direct line to heart felt opinions, which D would know if they actually knew you! So from the the other side of the world, I hold my thumb to my nose at D and once again want to say I luuuuurve your blog!

  13. Mike says:

    There’s always one, D. Posting links to government legislation. Boooorrring. Stop trolling blogs in between your midget porn sessions ‘D for Douche’. You don’t know Sheena and the amazing person that she actually is. Next time you’re out cruising Adult World, pop in at Checkers for a carton of humour.

    Props to Shebee for actually replying to you. If it was me, I would’ve suggested you go fuck your hand after your first comment.


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