Friendshits

moti

I saw this in my Facebook timeline today and it resonated so much that it’s been sitting with me all day.  It has reminded me of a time where I wasn’t able to stay awake without swallowing a few sleeping pills just to chase my dreams, dreams where my daughter was still alive.  The whole time I was like this, I had Britt in bed right there with me, holding my hand and not saying a word.  She would either sit in silence, or sit next to my bed with a book and kept herself occupied.  I don’t remember much from the early days after Kiera died, but I do remember that much.  In my wedding speech to her, I wanted to touch on that, and how much it meant to me at the time, and how much it still means to me now, 11 years later, but I didn’t want to bring the mood down and so I skipped that part and made fun of her instead. And then toasted to our friendship being older than half our lifetimes.  We’ve been friends for longer than we haven’t been friends.

Tam knows every secret I have in my life right now. She makes fun of them with me and has never judged anything I’ve ever told her.  I know without any doubt that I can tell her anything and she will still love me, and vice versa.  We found a poster the other day that said something like ‘We’re best friends because every one else fucking SUCKS’, and truly, that’s probably what her and I have bonded over since becoming friends 6 years ago, how much other people are assholes, in general and to us.  But, aside from great conversational topics, it just makes us fiercer and more protective of each other.  And that’s pretty special.

Rozz was Jon’s friend.  I mean, she still is, technically, but I sort of stole her from Jon and he’ll never let me forget it.  She’s my sensible, tell-it-like-it-is supporter forever and even though we’ve both gone through huge metamorphoses in our lives, it’s never affected our friendship, it’s only made us stronger for each other. I love that we don’t even have to speak all that often, but the minute one of us needs to vent, we’re there.  We’re available, even when we’re not.  And it’s a mutually respected thing that it’s ok to be not ok, and it’s even better when we are.

I’ve had so many friends in my life.  Special friends, funny friends, awkward friends and odd friends.  But the friends who have stuck around, are the ones I’ve shared my inner demons with.  And the ones that I couldn’t wait to pick up the phone and share my latest news with.  Even when it wasn’t official news, just a speculation.

And to the rest who like to be there for the glory moments, the fun times and good vibes, you’re cool too.  But I’ll never forget the ones who have been there when it wasn’t any of the latter.

s+j {bridal couple} 80

 

 

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