Foot-in-mouth Syndrome in Phlegmteng.

You guys know me.  Well, about me.  So you know how I have permanent foot in mouth syndrome.  Well I’m not sure if it’s the cold weather (HardSpear – I’M NOT COPING WITH IT! I walk around with a heater all day and plug it into the nearest wall, to answer your question in the previous blogpost :P)here in Phlegmteng making me lose my mind, or the people just making it too easy.

An IM excerpt, for your reading pleasure and perusal:

SheenaBee says:
Dude! I totally insulted a patient today

Secret Sexy Dude says:

SheenaBee says:
He has this little jewish kid.  Biggest brown eyes, long curly hair.  Gorgeous kid! 

Anyway, usually his mom brings him in.  But today?  Today it was the dad.  He walks in and before my brain can stop my mouth, I say:

“You look nothing like your son! He’s the most beautiful child I’ve ever seen!”

I suddenly realise what I’ve just implied, flush, and develop the will to die. 

Secret Sexy Dude says:

– – – –

It gets worse, readers.  As it always does.  Martha kindly invited ExMi and I to her awesome Mad Hatters Tea Party to celebrate her unBirth day (it wasn’t really her bday, but she felt like she needed a jol, who were we to argue?). 

So a couple of hours in, I’d settled into my chair nicely and was people watching, as I do.  I happen to look across the road and spot an orange Ford Focus.  Blinged up to the wheels with mags.  And a fluffy orange dice in the rearview mirror. 

On top of my voice, I announce to no one in particular:

“I wish I could meet the man who drives that orange ford focus. I bet you he tolks loike vis and wears a jean pant”

Everyone goes silent. I look around me and ExMi (the bitch) is snorting is snorting uncontrollably. 

The hostess, Martha, looks at me with apparent tears in her eyes, a huge grin on her face and says:

“So. Um. Meet Gerrie, he owns that orange ford focus.”

He. Was. Sitting. Right. Opposite. Me. The. Whole. Time.


  1. ExMi says:


    i had that thought running thru my head about 2.5 seconds before you opened your mouth and inserted both feet.

    I, on the other hand, had the common sense and decency to keep my mouth shut and both feet firmly planted on the floor.


    S, WCAM!

  2. Shebee says:

    @Jenty – and there is NO way you can come back from something like that. I just carried on talking over everyone’s laughter. As if they’d somehow forget two feet hanging from my verbal pie hole.

    @Craig – Snort. Thanks.

    @ExMi – S, WCAM! That is embedded in my left cranium device for all eternity. God I wish I could blog it!

  3. Cluckhoff says:

    *rolls on floor laughing while tears stream down her face*
    We should have a drink, boy have I got foot in mouth disease stories to tell…

  4. Martha says:

    And he put out his hand for you to shake even. He’s a good guy with a great sense of humour as far as I can tell (have only met him once before, but he has to be to put up with my crazy cousin).


  5. Shebee says:

    Martha, I know! Eeeeeeek, cringe!

    *PS: For some reason my blog spams comments randomly, thanks for pointing it out to me or it would’ve fallen through the cracks.

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