Dogturd Squarecakes.

After laying in bed like an invalid the whole of last week sniffing coughing, clearing the clouds in my head via various medications and generally feeling all round terrible, this weekend I got the domestic bug.  Somehow, I have no idea where or why it came from but I swear to God, I had to do something. Jon called on his way home on Friday to find out what we should do for supper so I told him I felt like cooking so he should choose whatever he felt like, get the ingredients and come home so I could open up a can of whoop-ass in the kitchen.

So what does he do? He brings home Woolworths nuke-and-chew food.  Everything just needed microwaving or grilling. Although it tasted fine and was healthy and full of vegetables and what not, HOW IS THAT COOKING?! Bloody men!  By Saturday morning the inner house wife in me was yearning to come out and show my capabilities.  So I chased Jon off the computer while he was playing World of Warcraft working very hard so we could finally go pick out the curtains and rods for the rest of his place.  Hours later, we came back with:

  1. Curtains for the main bedroom (white, bull-denim type lined ones.  Very pretty)
  2. Dinner service accessories (napkins and place mats, in grey, my new favourite colour)
  3. Throw pillows of awesomeness to the degree you’d want to make love to them if you could
  4. A lamp stand I spotted in Mr. Price Home for only seventy five ront for the upstairs loft

The lamp looked a bit scuffed and Jon wasn’t that sold on it until he suggested that we could repaint it to match the walls! I was in my element.  I’m not a huge girly girl when it comes to shopping and I don’t like spending hours and hours in a mall unless I have a reason, demand and need for listed items on a piece of paper.  Except for when it’s home shopping.  Then I can hover over tiny little candle holders, drool at dish cloths, measure up different coloured glasses until the cows come home, much to Jon’s chagrin (and credit card).

When we got home I painted the lamp shade using the left over wall paint from a few weeks ago.  Let me just make that a bit clearer: I, Sheena Gates blogger extraordinaire and one who usually chooses series or books over any physical domesticity, painted something.  And didn’t spill the paint over onto the floor*.

The following day, still craving to prove my prowess in the kitchen, I decided I would bake cupcakes.  For Jon to take to work, cos I love the guys he works with, they’re hilarious.

Let me just say this right upfront, okay: I am no Cupcake Lady, that’s for damn sure.

This was my inspiration:

Inspiration: Beautiful and inspirational.

Delicious little chocolate iced berry cupcakes.  So I mixed up the batter, blended a few berries, beat up the eggs and got my kitchen awn, yo.  Wanna know what my result was?

Result: Oh yes. I'm awesome.

Flat.  Lifeless. Rubbery. Square cakes.

I called Jon down to come witness my domestic goddessery, he instantly put on that panicked expression guys get when they’re not quite sure which is the lesser evil reaction.  When he saw the twinkle in my eye after I’d seriously asked him what he thought of my cupcakes, he breathed a sigh of relief and said something about how enterprising I am, starting a new square cupcake trend and alll…

So I think, it can’t get any worse, right?

Wrong!

Enter the icing…

Dog turd on a square cake, anyone?

No really, this is what they actually looked like.  At this stage, Jon saw what I was doing and couldn’t be diplomatic any more.  He sniggered and snorted and wheezed and guffawed.  And then he sobered up and said, with much concern and consternation,  “Sweetheart, I love you for trying, but do I really have to take these to work?”  That asshole.

So really, who wants my cupcakes?  Cos the cats turned their nose up and my boyfriend won’t even pretend to try and eat them.

*As per the vote of confidence, via sms from Cath.

13 comments

  1. meganTS says:

    dude, take heart. my first attempt at shortbread was refused by my entire family, the pets and i hear that the indian mynah’s broke their beaks trying to eat the stuff 😛

  2. ExMi says:

    snort.

    at least when the bf next tells me that i am the worst baker in the world i can say (with pictorial proof) “no, SHEENA is the WORST baker in the world.”

    ever.

    snort. dude, snort.

  3. Biite Me says:

    100% for effort tho. Next time maybe place paper cases into holes of muffin tin? Will send you one if you need one. But funny, funny, funny. Cried. Sorry.

  4. Heidi says:

    Holy motherfucker – how did I miss this post??

    I need to know something that no-one has asked yet…. how on God’s green earth did you manage to manage those monstrosities SQUARE???

    I bet they bounce

    xx

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