Dear Landlord lady,

This letter serves to request that I may stay in your house one more week than I originally planned for when I gave notice earlier this month.

You see, the thing is, I’m sort of trying to avoid moving back to my parents for the week prior to going to Cape Town. I am more than pleased to pay pro rata if you are amicable.

If I do have to go back to Moms place, I will be forced to do all sorts of things such as the following:

  • Change baby nappies. This is alright in small doses, I just don’t know if I would be able to cope full time, especially when it’s just not my own spawn.
  • Listen to thumping coming from the second story, since I will be downstairs in my old flat. Those little ankle biters are noisy fuckers, especially at six thirty in the morning.
  • I will be forced to play battle ships with younger brother Wok at least once a day, just after he would have kicked my ass at three different play station 2 games.
  • Step father Kev will have bribed me at least twice in that week to distract my mother so that he may go out on the town with his boys.
  • Transformation into Taxi driver will commence from the zero hour for at least three of my siblings.

I would like to promote my request with the following motivation list:

  • I have been a very good tenant.
  • Your rent has been paid early every month
  • I have improved the house greatly by (aside from my own residence and presence daily) painting the interior, fixing odd things etc.
  • I have not once, let me repeat that: NOT. ONCE. Christened your home by having sexual relations with another human. This might be a pro for you, its not so much one for me though. But that is beside the point.
  • Your silly drive way broke my foot earlier this year. I didn’t claim compensation, and sat in a cast for six weeks without any complaint to you.
  • I’m calling in a favour here.

Yours in residence renting,

Sheena.