Dear 13year old Me

I was going to wait to write this letter to you until I was actually tagged but you know how impatient we are don’t you? Of course you do, you’re already a 13 year old genius. By the way, at this age – best you stop thinking you can get away with wearing those horrid doc martins. Get rid of them, girl – they attract the wrong types.

I wanted to let you know, Gran is going to peg this year. Singing Amazing Grace next to her bed is not ‘uncool’ okay? She will smile for the last time when you do it, so go with the flow. Also, don’t feel bad for thinking you would rather not be at her funeral. Its not something you will ever grow out of, we still hate funerals. Especially after Kiera’s. She was our own little offspring, by the way. You will love her. She will teach your older self to be your age again, and play with little girl clothes, and crawl around on the floor and make her giggle.

Next year, when you meet Jacques and he won’t sleep with you, don’t be mad. That is the kind of respect you must come to expect from men. I wish I could teach us how to know what is right and what is not when it comes to the opposite sex. Stay away from Duncan. He is bad news. You will live to regret your choices there for a long time to come.

I’m going to tell you about Sex, Sheenie. Tarryn and the older girls will tell you about it and it will sound magical. Especially when they throw words like ‘fireworks’ and ‘earth-shattering explosions’ and ‘soul mates meeting eachother in the most divinely intimate way’… I can tell you one thing, darling, Tarryn turns out to be a fucking liar and a whore. Don’t ever listen to her.

Sex for the first time is not actually painful. Either that is a myth or the dude you sleep with for the first time was found a little bit wanting. It lasts about five minutes, and before you even realise its over, he will be snoring into your left ear. He will be unphased about you doing this for the first time. And he will break up with you the next day.

Don’t let this deter you – there are others out there just waiting to pick up the pieces of your broken little heart. By now we will be sixteen and ready to give boys the benefit of the doubt. I wish I could tell you we out grow the older man thing, but we don’t. Unfortunately life happens to us, and we aren’t ever the mentality of the age we represent, we are much older. Its a blessing in disguise I suppose. We learn to be stronger.

You will find out that friends are few and far between. The friends you are with now don’t last, but in a few years you will meet Britt and Flea. They stick around and put up with our shit. Don’t ever let a guy by the name of Nick get into your skin. He ruins your innocence and steals every little bit of trust you have left. In fact when he comes up to introduce himself, take a bottle of something and smash it over his head. On second thoughts, don’t do that – Kiera was made from his loins. Let him stick around long enough for that. He has good genes and you will see how absolutely beautiful our daughter turns out to be.

Love our family. They truly do turn out to be our rock in the dark times. Listen to Mrs Smith, the English teacher. She will teach you things about life that we take with us for years. Tell Ricky Fiocci he is a fat asshole when he calls you over the Christmas Holiday. He was the one who started the rumour about us getting breast implants. Little fucker, can you believe it? And he acted all sweet and kind. I swear he just wanted to pop our cherry.

When you finally give up trying to be a rebel, you will not have a boring life I promise. You will enjoy the friendships you make, learn to be a good human being, teach yourself how to be clever and stupid as the need arises, you will go back to school and gain a diploma or two, you will finally convince Jacques to teach you how to drive a car. Best of all, Dad and you will form a bond again.

You’re a pretty lucky chic, hey. You get four parents, seven siblings, four brilliant best friends, you fall in love with a wonderful guy, who doesn’t stick around for very long because he makes a stupid decision, but you will get to know LOVE. Its not a myth.

I love you baby girl, and you need to stop worrying about Aliens watching you through your window at night, I promise you by the time you are 23 they will still not have shown themselves.

You are weird, and loveable and crazy. Stay that way, its fun.

Your bigger self.


Oh yes. I tag:
Bridget -just cos I know she doesn’t want to write a letter to her snotty nosed 13 year old self.

RSA – because you are on holiday and have nothing else to do, and it will keep you out the gym.

Richard – to encourage you to write about yourself a bit more.

Ruby – you already are a pro with your letters, why not.

Amy – Your posts are always articulate and endearing.

Finally, Natalie – I want to introduce you to my blogging circle and get you more involved.

Right folks, you have homework.