Nerd Mag is underway!

When I started writing, I knew instantaneously that I wanted to become something more than a blogger.  More than a home-made poet.  More than someone who just makes her mom and friends laugh sometimes by reading the odd post.  I wanted to professionalize, legitimize and capitalize on my writing.

Sometimes you just have to make shit happen.  For yourself.  Because if you sit patiently like a duck waiting, eventually an Elmer Fudd is going to find you and fuck you up. So, I created my own magazine to become Editor. And even got real life writers to write stuff for me.  Insane!  My dream come true.

And now I’m hating myself a little.  Because with all the whining, moaning, spoon feeding and ass kissing, these writers are driving me up the fokken wall man*.

* But it’s still fun.  Kiss, kiss, writers!

xoxo< -->

From Cheerleader to Geekleader.

All my life I grew up as the rebel, the girl who wouldn’t turn down a joint and the student who never attended class.  I was the “popular” girl, the one who lead and not followed and the one who was always asked out first to any social event.  I had no desire to feed my brain because my heart was overflowing.  Things changed over the years, thankfully.  I’ve become a little bit more mature, a lot less shallow and huge heaps more in touch with who I really am:  the eccentric loud chickie not afraid to chase her dreams or follow her head, even if it sometimes leads to failure.

So much of this change needs to be attributed to the life I’ve lead and the mistakes I’ve made and the lessons I’ve learnt.  Lessons that I wouldn’t change for anything if it meant I would turn out different to how I am now.  Aside from the lessons and mistakes, I’ve come to know myself through my writing.  Someone once pointed out that I write so much because its the only time I can actually slow my thought process down enough so that I can understand my own mind, and they were so correct.

Which leads me to my topic of today.  Without my blog, my writing wouldn’t mean nearly as much to me.  Being online and having my words read by others has done more for my soul than anything else has.  In blogging I have learnt to be honest with myself and share things with people I’ve (mostly) never met face to face.  And here enters Social Media & Web 2.0.

A conversation I had last night got me to thinking.  My online life up until now has always left me putting myself into my self made “Cosmetic Geek” category.   I’ve felt like a fraud, or a fly on the wall a lot lately as I’m helping to set up the Durban 27 Dinner again (which for those of you left clueless is a geek dinner event specifically for the purpose of networking with fellow onliners) and having looked at the guest list the other day, mine was the only name put down that didn’t “technically” fit in with the crowd.  Last night Bergen pointed out to me just how wrong I was, in such a way that left me sitting back with a smile on my face.  I may not be in IT or web developement (yet) or know exactly how to code or write scripts to make things work on the internet, but I have learnt more than the average nongeek. I’ve become my own brand of geek.

I have my own blog, which I maintain myself.  Most of the design issues are handled by me and although more often than not I call on my guy geeks to help with this or that, all technical problems essentially get fixed by yours truly.  I’ve learnt how to edit basic code, align things in html, a bit of graphic design, I”m a social media whore and I’ve even whoreganised my own nerdy competition which was so much more succcessful than I ever anticipated.

I might not know how to make my own plug-ins or explain to you what exactly a ping is, but goddamnit I’m sure trying to learn.  This year my goal is to conquer SEO.  Search Engine Optimisation.  I’ve also been asked to design a small little company website and I’m even being paid for it!  A handful of months ago I would have laughed at myself even.

Cheerleaders don’t do html, or know terms like “FTW!” and “404 Errors”, but this cheerleader sure does.  She’s happy to be a cosmetic geek, one with all of the determination to learn this webby tech stuff, but none of the Tech IQ. Yet.  This cheerleader does belong to the geek world.  And this cheerleader, she’s proud of it.

Market research: involving my readers.

I know most of you lurk around these parts except for a few die-hard commenters (who I love with my whole heart – kiss kiss) but please could the rest of you click that link from your reader, or just the comments tab if you’re already here on the page, just this once and come talk to me?  I need some assvice and input from all of you.

Without going into any specifics, I’m working on a project.  I could go all Tyler Reed on your ass and name it, something like “Project Bee” if that’d help me sound more dedicated?  But while I’m doing the background slog work I’d like to do some market research with you guys.  So:

• In an online magazine, what do you like to read?  Gadgets, life stories, gigs, etc.
• Do you prefer long detailed and informed posts, or quick ones that outline the high lights of the story?
• What style theme do you prefer – lots of tabs, click through pages?
• What is interesting to you with regards to the internet?

I would love any feedback or suggestions from you.  No matter how insignificant or unrelated it might seem. Pretty please with a cherry on top?

The Nerdies Winners, announced!

1. A limited edition Moral Fibre T-shirt full of goodness, flair & attitude.
2. One .co.za domain plus THREE MONTHS free hosting from The Creative Foundation.
3. A luxury Body Thrills hamper homemade especially by ExMi for each individual.
4. Free Dinner at Capello Sandton from Garsen Subramoney to the value of R300.
5. An anonymous prize:A bottle of Rupert & Rothchild Red vino for the dude and a Charlotte Rhys hamper for the girl.
6. And then, excitingly:  one final mystery prize from Simon B. To be sent to the winners and they can tell you what they got.  Sneaky, sneaky huh?

Those are the prizes that will be sent through to the two winners.  Lucky fuckers.The bidding wars proceeds will be sent to the NPO Charity mentioned previously, we’re still tallying up the total amount raised.  Any donations are welcome at any time.  I will obtain the banking details and blog them asap, okay?Before I announce the winners, I would like to thank the following people:

• Garsen Subramoney, Vincent & Talita, Fring SA, The Creative Foundation, ExMi and The Anonymouse who all donated prizes unexpectedly and so generously.
• SimonB, Miss_P & Snowgoose, Byron & ExMi amongst others for making such an effort and being such a source of entertainment in this pageant.
• Don for being so godamned cute and funny as hell, especially in his under rods & for suggesting a ball gown and swimwear.
• Mike Stopforth for playing along and letting us girls rip him to shreds with challenges and endless flirtation.  You’re still my no.1 blog crush of the moment, boyo. 
• Steve for being the male judge who judged the females.  Thanks Stevo, I totally agree with your decision. 

I honestly didn’t think my decision would be very hard but I was wrong.  The thing is, I had to keep reminding myself that this was just a tongue in cheek pageant and that the fate of the blogosphere didn’t actually rely upon our decisions as to who would be crowned The Sexiest Nerdy 2009.  But still, I have this annoying voice at the back of my head whispering “but if you choose him, the geeks will think [this] and if you don’t choose him, everyone will assume [that]“.  And so I took my emotions and reservations out of it, looked at the characters at hand and knew I needed further enforcement.  A chat with my trusty friend Cath, who knows me and my thought process better than most ever will.  This is what she had to say:The one I’d select is nice, approachable, always ready to help and support, and never shoves his shit down other peoples throats.  Also, he’s not afraid to be himself online and does not do a “persona”.  I’d imagine him to also be huggable and clever.Immediately I knew.  Not because the rest of the contestants don’t fit that bill, but because one of them sprung to those specs more so than others.  And so I congratulate Andre Van Rooyen, for being South Africa’s Sexiest Nerdy for 2009.  Well done, and more importantly, thank you.  For sharing yourself and the treasures that pop out of your personality with all of us online.  We’re lucky to be able to interract with & have you with us. Also, your eyes fortell something that most girls wish to be told.Then, luckily for the girls, I was fortunate enough to secure Steve as our male judge.  He was given total power over choice I think he did a sterling job.  Here are his words:I always knew the decision would be tough as hell but I have to go for Suetjie. The Cow_Grrl is geeky and pretty at the sametime. I think if we have this again next year, Heidi [Snowgoose] will take it. I’d love to declare a draw between the two of them but Suetjie got more votes so rightfully I choose her.  Via email, twitter, sms and blog comments, she’s been a pillar of strength to many and coped with all her own issues as well. Thats hectic inner strength and resolve. Reasons:
1) well she *IS* the cow_grrrl
2) has some of South Africa’s finest working for her.
3) She is an avid blogger and keeps us all updated on everything all the time.
4) She had an incredibly tough year and still supported a lot of us.
5) She’s HAWT, I would never have guessed that she was a mom of two teenagers!Thank you to everyone involved.  You’ve surpassed my expectations of participation and coolness.  We’ll definitely have a go at this again next year, me thinks.  I’ll be contacting the winners shortly regarding prizes, and I’ll keep you all informed of the bidding finalizations and when/how/why the donations and proceeds go to the charity.And that about sums it up.  If I had an MC closing this deal, I’m sure he’d end with a joke or something.  So here’s my favourite joke of the moment:What’s pink and fluffy?Pink fluff.What’s blue and fluffy?Blue fluff holding its breath.What’s green and fluffy?1972′s world Hide and Seek champion.Ba-da-ba-da-BOOM-DASH-DING!

The 2009 Nerdy Nom-noms are open!

For those of you not on Twitter (n00bs) I have a surprise! I was halfway through a post of my personal 2009 Hotties yesterday when a comment or ten came through from the nerd boys suggesting they be included, then the girls jumped on the bandwagon too! Not mentioning any names or anything though, it did plant a little seed in my head; I have decided to run an online hotness pageant! Please say hello to The Sexiest Nerdies 2009 Awards, aka The Nerdies (play on the word ‘Nudies’ – I’m so bloody witty, really).

How it will work:

You (yes, you) will nominate your online hottie of choice by using means of my Twitter stream, email or comment right here on this very post. I want names and links of your nominees, people. I will blog the entire process and let you in on who’s who after I’ve fully investigated their backgrounds, DNA samples, swimwear modeling & abilities to stand out.

The Nerdy Nom-noms:

You can nominate as many Nerdies as you like, for whichever reason you like. I will then narrow the Nom-noms down to categories and then finals. Nominations have come from the guys mostly, so girls stop being so bloody shy already!

The Rules & Regs:

The nominees must either be South African, or reside in South Africa
The nominees must have an online presence, be it a blog, a twitter account or even just an owner of an online company.
The nominees should be nominated for their personalities more than anything else, this is onlinedom okes, shallowness is null and void here. Or so they say.
The judge’s decision is final. Unless you come up with good bribery or sexual favours second to none. I like chocolates. I’m just saying. Steve is the male judge. He likes head-banging music. And fluffy bunnies.

Right. Any questions needing to be asked may be done so here.
SUBMIT YOUR NERDY NOM-NOMS NOW!

So you like what you see? Well, I do. Thats what counts. A thank you speech:

So, a lot of you have mentioned that this is my 4th move in a year, and that you are now getting motion sickness. Ag toughies man, pull up your socks and take it like a man!

Hehe, ag I’m only joking. You’re right, of course. It has been a roller coaster ride following me around the interwebz and I thank you for those who have stuck with me through think and thin.

I originally was going to stick with my shebee.wordpress blog as it was simple and free and did the job. But those of you who know me that I am nothing if not extravagant, and quite frankly, it just wasn’t pretty enough for me. For the geeks though, I missed out on polls, plug-in’s, theme changing abilities and basically, the freedom a self-hosted domain gives you. I was sort of content with my lot, until a friend of mine opened up a can of worms not so long ago.

Paul aka Peel-a-keys: Dude. I have hosting abilities, shebee.co.za is free, why don’t you get the domain and I’ll host it for you? At first I reacted much like a cat to water. Most of you will remember what happened the last time I had my own blog… the host was found wanting, to put it very fucking politely. I didn’t want to give someone that control over me again, I was worried that a friendship would be compromised again, I was lazy to redesign the website all over… endless reasons, and so I turned him down.

And then my birthday came around the corner, and I think he tried to impress me so that I could send him virtual blowjobs, because next thing I knew, shebee.co.za was my domain, registered and ev’thing and just waiting for me to pluck my theme and paint it with perfume.

By the time I finally got around to it, I realized just how much prep he actually did for me. Most plug-in’s were already installed, and he set up the word press compatability for me. I literally had to install the theme and tweak it to my own requirements. Nevertheless, I feel very special and loved and spoiled by Paul, and would like to officially say thank you and also state that I owe him a blowjob in between hosting fees and whatnot.

Also, I would like to point out that I have found a man with the patience of a Tibetan monk, who explains things to me in lay mans terms, step by step and is unbelievably helpful. Thank you Elton, your encouragement and tips and rescues when I stuff up are invaluable to me. Aside from making me giggle, I’m lucky to have you on my contacts list .

Then, finally, a special mention to Denny Coote(r). Ladies, this man has a sexy voice, let me tell you. Even when wired on mugg ‘n bean coffee after six hours. Thank you for coming to my rescue on Twitter last night just after I announced how badly I screwed up the style sheet of my theme.

Sorry, due to a proxy browser, the link button won’t show. So here’s where you need to click to read more about these divine modern day knights in shining armour:

PIELETIES: http://www.shebee.co.za/uncategorized/what-happens-behind-closed-screens
PAUL: http://pauldesousa.com
ELTON: http://eltonvanlingen.com
DENNY COOTER: http://denhamcoote.com

SURPRISE!!!! MY NEW LOOK :)

Sooooooooooo?  What do you think?

I *know*!  It’s beautiful, right?  If you were on twitter you would know all about the kinds of hell I went through with the set up, but its almost done and I am so happy with it.  My to do list goes as follows, please feel free to add on to it as you see fit in the comments section (how cool are the little stars everywhere?) below:

• figure out how to do the header and where
• Configure the reader on feedburner (google reader subscribers please don’t forget to re-add me under the new address!)
• Make these google ads give me money somehow
• Fix up google analytics
• Add the text widgets
• sort out amatomu / mybloglog codes
• Plug-ins: polls & comment follow up (possibly comment luv)

I’m so proud of myself.  Someone once told me that I shouldn’t even bother learning coding and design cause I would break the internet.  Well, trust me, I came close but I managed to (with a lot of help) get the site back to normal again.  Ultimately tho, I installed the theme and am editing all the little things by myself!  A huge deal for me since I’ve never done anything like this before.

And thats it for now!  Can you think of anything else I might have skipped out on?

Twitter. A pain in my ass, but I can’t help myself!

I blame Slipnot!

On the loo, in the kitchen, in my bed, on the lounge floor, in the elevator, in traffic, shopping down pick n pay isles, at the pay counter, in the parking lot, at work on the desk… Twitter is always open.

The words “what are you doing?” seem to be something that nobody with access to the internet can resist.  Is it the narcissist in all of us?  Is it because we care what others think too much?  Is it the possibility of making contacts out there that you will probably never meet, yet spill your heart out to?

My first priority of the day is to tell Twitter that I’m awake.  My second is to see what all the other Twits are up to. At work if my internet goes down (as it does frequently) I don’t stress anymore like I used to.  Without a flicker of an eyelid, I flip out my phone and go to my mobile internet home page. Two guesses what it is…

Isn’t there something wrong here? I mean surely, I could be doing something more constructive, like opening my eyes properly, or yawning maybe?  No. It is not to be.  Surely I should be checking work emails before checking in out Twitter?  Probably.  But you all know as well as I do that its not likely to be my first priority.

Thats why, two days before my birthday*, on the morning after I’ve had minimal sleep, feel like death warmed up and served on toast, am emo more than ever – those two little birdies up there flying in the opposite direction?  They’ll be shot at dawn.  Don’t mess with me.  I need to tell Twitterland how I kicked my toe just now.

Aid me in my addiction to Twitter over here.

* That was just a subtle reminder there.  TWO DAYS!

For The Bloggers Only

Firstly:

Apologies to those who don’t Blog – most of this post will exclude you.  It doesn’t happen often, bitches, so quit whining.

I’ve been blogging for three years now.  Granted, not all of it will be proven here, but it’s been three years.  Trust me, they’ve been three years of my life that makes me wonder how the other 20 something years were dealt with.  You see, although blogging seems insane to some of my loved ones, they all read me and wonder how on earth I could possibly share so much of *Me* with the internet, people I don’t know, people I will never know, even lurkers who never make themselves known. 

My answer?

It is truly therapeutic and cathartic for me.  Before my mom came across my Blog, she had no idea what my feelings were on life, love, family and Kiera dying.  I opened my heart up and wrote about her death.  I cried tears of absolute heartbreak and raw emotion when I was forced to confront what was actually going on inside me.  I just didn’t know it until I sat back and read the words I’d written.  When my mom finally read them, she cried too, of happiness because she realized that I wasn’t as zombie-like in my mourning as she had thought. 

J.No, my latest and possibly greatest male friend said to me the other day that I write mountains but say very little verbally.  He’s so right.  I am a lot quieter in the flesh.  Probably because my mouth is quite occupied with exchanging feet most of the time.  Flea and I had a fall out not so long ago.  We didn’t speak for a whole five days.  Once we’d kissed and made up, she said something to me that encompassed what most of my loved ones do: 

“I kept reading your Blog to see how you were feeling because I know you’re so good at showing your true self in real life”.

I express on my Blog what I don’t in real life, which reminds me of something someone once said, “I am my own biggest reader”.  So yes, although I interact with everyone who participates here – ultimately these words are all for myself.  Except for this particular post.  To which I am finally brought to my goddamned point;

I’ve decided to hold a contest.  The winner gets a free weekend away with me in, say, the year 2010 which is when I will have made my millions and earned fame from my Published Book Sales.  If you are male, you could probably choose whether or not we get to make happiness by the body*.  If you’re female, well – sorry for you.  You can also have a nifty little badge if you want in the meantime. 

On your blog, in essay format, English only, I want to know the following:

1.      what / who brought you to blogging

2.      what you get out of it for yourself***

3.      if you have a theme / process you follow when blogging and why

4.      your standards on blogging, if you draw a line at writing about any particular thing****.

5.   the best thing to come of your blogging thus far

Now, don’t forget to link back here so that I know you’ve done this.  How else am I meant to judge you for being a crap contestant? 

  – - – - – -

* Kidding, man. Sheesh**. 

** I would totally be making the choice, not you.

*** And don’t even try and give me that shit about making friends, rah rah rah – get off this website and go find people in the flesh!  Or join person.com. Loser.

**** For instance, I refuse to blog about personal sexual encounters.  I have no qualms telling you about other peoples though.  Like this one time, in band camp…